Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Warning... I'm writing about poop

To celebrate my new fancy template (yay minor computer skills) I uploaded a picture from facebook and figured out how to put it on this blog. I'm calling it a major win.

This picture was taken before the great poop debaucle of 2011. I guess I could have used all those wipes she destroyed. Somehow I managed to go through over two years of motherhood without getting poop all over my hands. I thought I was the most skilled diaper changer in the history of diaper changers. Then, yesterday, my record was broken in a huge way.

First Juliette's poop fell out of her diaper without my knowledge while I was changing her and she rolled over it. I went to pick her up and I touched it. OMG did I touch it. It was everywhere. ALL OVER MY HANDS. So I had one of those moments like in the actions movies when the hero is about to be attacked by about 20 different guys and the frame freezes while he figures out what to do... and then the action begins.

I yelled, "Madeleine! Wipes! Diaper!" and Madeleine ran off to find the wipes and a new diaper screaming, "Nanine! Wipes! Diaaaaper!" as she went. She found the wipes and I managed to get most of it off my hands. I wiped down Juliette's little body, ripped the fresh, clean new Bumgenius off her stinky butt and Madeleine handed me a new one. I put her on the floor, did the snaps, and sent her off crawling. I then grapped the Resolve and sprayed the crap out of the couch. (No pun intended). After all was cleaned up I promptly went and boiled my hands in bleach.

I was so proud of how well I handled it. That wasn't so bad. I am the master of baby poop. I was upgraded a level in the game of motherhood. Then, later that night, my new skills were put to the test in a big way.

Madeleine was standing next to me on her princess chair and I was feeding her sister. All of a sudden... I smelled something. At the same moment Madeleine handed me my cell phone. "Mommy. Phone poop." Now, I know phones don't poop but OMG did it smell. And, low and behold, my phone was covered in poop. Along with the phone, the princess chair, and my poor (apparently sick) two year old.

I yelled for Kyle to come out to the living room and put him on cleanup duty (or should I say, clean up doody). I held Madeleine at arms length and carried her to the bathroom and dumped her in the shower. I ripped off her Bumgenius, dumped it in the toilet, and hosed her down with the shower head. Madeleine thought the whole thing was absolutely hysterical and I could hear Kyle yelling from the other room, "OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!" It was like a crime scene. I poop crime scene.

And that was my day in poop.

So far today has been much better. Juliette cut her first tooth and boy are we relieved! She was a beast yesterday and with good reason. I can't imagine that teething is very much fun at all. Now that the tooth is through, however, she is one happy little girl! We celebrated by putting the girls in matching outfits (pictures to follow if I can find my camera charger) and taking them out to get matching winter pajamas. They were in desperate need. I bought her some of those puffs for babies that are designed to pretty much melt in a kid's mouth because she has teeth now and I'm sure she is going to want to use them

Tomorrow the new couch is coming and my sister Carly will be here this weekend. Then, Kyle's staycation/vacation starts Monday and we will have him home for NINE WHOLE DAYS! In that time we'll be visiting Franciscan so get ready Frannies! We be coming for y'all.

Check out my new tabs at the top of my page. They are much fun to be had.

No comments:

Post a Comment