Well, as you can probably tell by my latest blog posts my go-to show for after the babies go to bed is Criminal Minds. Well, that show has been educational for me as a parent. As you may remember from my post about 24... I learn a lot about parenting from shows
You see, I have two kids now. It's true, that's not a lot of people to keep track of but sometimes I leave them in the playroom for a minute or two to heat dinner or empty the dishwasher and THAT is when the crimes take place. When I come back and crayon is all over the wall, the juice cup has been dumped on the futon, or the book shelf has been emptied all over the floor... I need to figure out who the culprit is.
For this purpose I have studied the shows use of facts they gather from the crime scene and victims to give myself an accurate profile for who committed the crime.
Take the case of the crayon on the wall, I wrote about that a couple of weeks ago. After evaluating the crime scene I came up with the following Criminal Profile:
"The unsub is between 2 and 3 years old and under 3 feet tall. She is probably left handed because the crayon marks didn't reach above the toy box on the right side of the wall. She loves coloring but feels confined by paper. Therefore she is taking our her artistic desires on walls. She probably has a few priors for coloring... on toys, dolls, or other small objects. Now her compulsion to color has gotten out of hand."
Now, with that profile I was able to determine that the only child who could fit the profile was Madeleine. I made the arrest and she was sentenced to two minutes of time out. FBI has nothing on me.
In other cases the profile may vary. Take the case of the empty tupperware cabinet:
"The unsub is probably no more than one year old. She has a need to remove everything she sees from it's proper place. Her house growing up probably had many safety latches on the cabinets and breakable objects places up high to prevent her compulsion. However, when someone forgets to relock the cabinet her compulsion cannot be controlled. When she sees an unlock cabinet she will immediately crawl or walk to it and remove everything from it, leaving most of it on the floor. She takes a trophy with her after her crime. If you find her she may be wearing a tupperware on her head or using it to make banging noises on the wood floor."
Well... after that profile I was able to determine with absolute certainty the unsub was indeed my Juliette. She had her trophy taken from her and the cabinet cleaned up and relocked.
The strangest cases are those where the unsub is neither Juliette or Madeleine. I give you the case of the dishes that were not done all weekend:
"The unsub is a male in his late 20s. He is married with kids. He is someone who probably enjoys eating but not putting away dishes. This weekend he was probably left alone at his home and took full advantage of the lack of nagging wife to sit on the couch, eat, and watch sports. When he was finished eating he did not put his dishes away, didn't even bring them to the sink, he just left them on the couch or next to the computer. This shows some "lazy" characteristics. He probably feels like his wife unfairly forces him to clean up after himself and therefore in her absense uses this time to make a mess. When you find him he will probably make excuses at first but then look guilty, apologize, and will offer to put them away because he is a good husband."
You have no idea how many times I have solved that case in four years of marriage.
I hope that this gives you new tools to help solve crime in your homes too!
Showing posts with label Apartment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Apartment. Show all posts
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Why you wish I was YOUR mommy
I've been in a really good mood lately. Maybe it's the return of the Vampire Diaries? Maybe the imminent start of post season baseball sans red sox? Maybe the turning of the leaves? Maybe the discovery of an IKEA less than an hour away? Whatever it is love is in the air in the Behr house and that love has inspired me to bake!
In the last week my baking addiction has been fed my lots of awesome new recipes and the organization that came with my new Ikea shelves (30 dollars!). I'll be putting up pictures of the donut maker soon but this is the story of my adventures in food in the last 24 hours.
First, to prove we don't just eat baked good and bon bons all day I took a picture of Kyle's favorite chicken. The recipe is secret. Mostly because I made it up and don't really follow a recipe when I make it. But it is YUMS.
Last night I made Sam Adam's Octoberfest Beer Bread. Here is a picture of a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer with it's love child, beer bread.
Here is a close up of the beer bread in a pretty serving dish. Kyle was very thrilled and so were his coworkers today. There was probably two times this amount when it first cam out of the oven but that all went in Kyle's belly. Allegedly he shared with his coworkers but I'm not sure I believe him.
When it comes to cookies, I'll be honest... I just usually follow the Nestle Toll House recipe. I ascribe to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" method of thinking when it comes to these delishious bits of heaven. I've NOMed on these my whole life and have never been disappointed. Notice the finger marks in the bowl. They are totally not because I at the cookie dough raw. I'm not currently in a sick good cookie dough food coma either.
In the oven. Almost done. I'm jonesing.
At laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast, my looooove has come along! I'm bad at making them into tiny little perfect circles of happy so I'm going to say that in honor of the feast day of Saint Michael the Arch Angel, I made this angelic sweetness into the shape of angel wings! See? Totally works.
The real test lies with the two year old. Even Juliette is waiting excitedly for the review.
The reviews are in! Mommy is awesome at cookies!
And Kyle is just really happy to be doing the dishes for SUCH an awesome wife. Actually, he had a very cranky face on in the first two shots but I coaxed a smile out of him. And I am submitting it as proof that he enjoys cleaning.
For those of you interested this is the super not so secret Love of the Lamb Beer Bread recipe. You'll want to kiss me.
Ingredients:
* 3 cups bread flour
* 3 tsp Baking powder
* 3/4 tsp Salt
* 3/4 tsp Baking soda
* 1/4 cup Sugar (or honey)
* 12 fl oz Beer; any kind
* 1/2 c Butter; melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease one 8 X 5 inch loaf pan. Line with a strip of wax paper and grease the paper. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the beer (or stir in with a wooden spoon, but not so much that you stir out all the bubbles and the bread won't rise!) Mix until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan and top with melted butter. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.
You. Are. Welcome.
In the last week my baking addiction has been fed my lots of awesome new recipes and the organization that came with my new Ikea shelves (30 dollars!). I'll be putting up pictures of the donut maker soon but this is the story of my adventures in food in the last 24 hours.
First, to prove we don't just eat baked good and bon bons all day I took a picture of Kyle's favorite chicken. The recipe is secret. Mostly because I made it up and don't really follow a recipe when I make it. But it is YUMS.
Last night I made Sam Adam's Octoberfest Beer Bread. Here is a picture of a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer with it's love child, beer bread.
Here is a close up of the beer bread in a pretty serving dish. Kyle was very thrilled and so were his coworkers today. There was probably two times this amount when it first cam out of the oven but that all went in Kyle's belly. Allegedly he shared with his coworkers but I'm not sure I believe him.
When it comes to cookies, I'll be honest... I just usually follow the Nestle Toll House recipe. I ascribe to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" method of thinking when it comes to these delishious bits of heaven. I've NOMed on these my whole life and have never been disappointed. Notice the finger marks in the bowl. They are totally not because I at the cookie dough raw. I'm not currently in a sick good cookie dough food coma either.
In the oven. Almost done. I'm jonesing.
At laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast, my looooove has come along! I'm bad at making them into tiny little perfect circles of happy so I'm going to say that in honor of the feast day of Saint Michael the Arch Angel, I made this angelic sweetness into the shape of angel wings! See? Totally works.
The real test lies with the two year old. Even Juliette is waiting excitedly for the review.
The reviews are in! Mommy is awesome at cookies!
And Kyle is just really happy to be doing the dishes for SUCH an awesome wife. Actually, he had a very cranky face on in the first two shots but I coaxed a smile out of him. And I am submitting it as proof that he enjoys cleaning.
For those of you interested this is the super not so secret Love of the Lamb Beer Bread recipe. You'll want to kiss me.
Ingredients:
* 3 cups bread flour
* 3 tsp Baking powder
* 3/4 tsp Salt
* 3/4 tsp Baking soda
* 1/4 cup Sugar (or honey)
* 12 fl oz Beer; any kind
* 1/2 c Butter; melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease one 8 X 5 inch loaf pan. Line with a strip of wax paper and grease the paper. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the beer (or stir in with a wooden spoon, but not so much that you stir out all the bubbles and the bread won't rise!) Mix until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan and top with melted butter. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.
You. Are. Welcome.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Matching pajamas and a big new couch
This has been a super fun day for my girls. We got a new couch this morning and so we've been snuggling on it all day long. They are wearing their matching "Daddy's girl" pajamas and they could not be cuter!
Friday, September 2, 2011
7 Quick Takes- Volume Two
We've had a big week here at the Behr cave so I'm not sure how quick these quick takes will be... but here it is anyway.
1. I joined a gym! Even though I've lost the baby weight from both girls I still need to gather my strength for the next time (God willing! Whenever that may be...) The personal trainer asked me my goals for my workout routine. After first joking that my goal was to have Pippa's bottom (well, half joking really) I told him that I have a two year old and a nine month old and I want to be healthy in case I get pregnant again. Poor trainer thought I was joking. That's life with NFP, always preparing for next time.
2. I went to the dentist! Okay so this may not be big news to most people but I haven't been in like three years. So my teeth are super white and I'm even flossing. Go me!
3. The biggest news of the week by far... MADELEINE WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY! Oh, we had a celebration that involved affirmative words, clapping, waking up daddy, calling the relatives, and COOKIES! It was so fun that Madeleine has spent much of today just sitting on the toilet with a book hoping it will happen again. I am so proud of my little girl!
4. But it wasn't all fun and games on the potty this week. While I brought in the groceries this week the girls decided to use my distraction to their advantage. After the last trip back and forth I heard giggling coming from the bathroom. The girls were standing at the toilet, elbow deep in toilet water, splashing each other. The thing is, Juliette was the bad influence there. Madeleine would never DREAM of doing such a thing on her own but her mischievous little baby sister is just the type... ohhh Juliette my pet.
5. On Wednesday night I introduced Madeleine to Barney on DVD and Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. was she impressed. She woke up the next morning yelling, "Moooooom! Watch Barn! Watch Barn!" And when I finally put a Barney DVD on the TV later that day she ran around the room SCREAMING, "OHHH GOSH BARN!!! YAY!!! OH GOSH OH GOSH BARN!!!" On the plus side I got a lot of cleaning done during that DVD. On the negative, the songs are stuck in my head and won't get out. Prayers are appreciated
6. Juliette had her nine month check up this week. She is 19 lbs, 3.5 oz, and 29 1/2 inches of dinosaur fun. Today the little monkey learned how to climb. She scaled her princess chair and attempted to get a cheerio off of the china cabinet that I had previously taken away from her. Tricksy, tricksy baby girl.
7. And today we got a NEW COUCH! It's a very early Christmas present but it is leather, has back support, and has never been peed on. So major upgrade from what we have now. It will be delivered next week.
Well, that's all this week. I hope you enjoyed my adventures as much as I did.
1. I joined a gym! Even though I've lost the baby weight from both girls I still need to gather my strength for the next time (God willing! Whenever that may be...) The personal trainer asked me my goals for my workout routine. After first joking that my goal was to have Pippa's bottom (well, half joking really) I told him that I have a two year old and a nine month old and I want to be healthy in case I get pregnant again. Poor trainer thought I was joking. That's life with NFP, always preparing for next time.
2. I went to the dentist! Okay so this may not be big news to most people but I haven't been in like three years. So my teeth are super white and I'm even flossing. Go me!
3. The biggest news of the week by far... MADELEINE WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY! Oh, we had a celebration that involved affirmative words, clapping, waking up daddy, calling the relatives, and COOKIES! It was so fun that Madeleine has spent much of today just sitting on the toilet with a book hoping it will happen again. I am so proud of my little girl!
4. But it wasn't all fun and games on the potty this week. While I brought in the groceries this week the girls decided to use my distraction to their advantage. After the last trip back and forth I heard giggling coming from the bathroom. The girls were standing at the toilet, elbow deep in toilet water, splashing each other. The thing is, Juliette was the bad influence there. Madeleine would never DREAM of doing such a thing on her own but her mischievous little baby sister is just the type... ohhh Juliette my pet.
5. On Wednesday night I introduced Madeleine to Barney on DVD and Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. was she impressed. She woke up the next morning yelling, "Moooooom! Watch Barn! Watch Barn!" And when I finally put a Barney DVD on the TV later that day she ran around the room SCREAMING, "OHHH GOSH BARN!!! YAY!!! OH GOSH OH GOSH BARN!!!" On the plus side I got a lot of cleaning done during that DVD. On the negative, the songs are stuck in my head and won't get out. Prayers are appreciated
6. Juliette had her nine month check up this week. She is 19 lbs, 3.5 oz, and 29 1/2 inches of dinosaur fun. Today the little monkey learned how to climb. She scaled her princess chair and attempted to get a cheerio off of the china cabinet that I had previously taken away from her. Tricksy, tricksy baby girl.
7. And today we got a NEW COUCH! It's a very early Christmas present but it is leather, has back support, and has never been peed on. So major upgrade from what we have now. It will be delivered next week.
Well, that's all this week. I hope you enjoyed my adventures as much as I did.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Power outages and other fun adventures
Tropical Storm Irene hit New England. I'll be honest, I wanted to smack every idiot with a status saying something along the lines of "Come on Irene" or "Bring it on Irene". Tropical storms are nothing to be messed with.
Driving around my parent's neighborhood proved that. There was a tree blocking the street going one direction, a tree on a power line blocking another way, and only one way out. And then once you got out of the neighborhood there were more and more trees sitting on power lines. Tropical storms are dangerous. There are tons of people with damaged homes, house fires, no power for at least a week, and then there are the idiots talking about how awesome it is. Those people are lacking a compassion gene.
I was in Connecticut during the storm to get help with the kiddos because Kyle was stuck at the airport all weekend. We lost power early Sunday and it will be out for days. I came back to Massachusetts this afternoon because Kyle was home and our power was back on, but I feel terrible for my parents. They are losing hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of food, their lawn is trashed, they can't flush their toilets, and they have to other people's houses to shower. Luckily, they are far better off than some people.
We spent the day playing card games in the glow of the flashlights (I dominated) and ate whatever was not in the fridge. Madeleine was horribly confused by the power outage and kept asking for the lights.
And Madeleine has started biting. She bit my arm while sitting on my lap and so I put her in time out. She finally said, "I sorry!" so I scooped her up, told her not to bite again, and hugged her. But we may have to play this daily from now on.
The next two days are Kyle's weekend and so we will be restocking our fridge... the one I just stocked last week. But in all honesty I am just so glad that our home is okay, we are okay, and all the people we love are as well. It could have been a lot worse.
And I am also thankful for the little things like potties that flush and showers that run. And the internet. And that the DVR didn't miss any episodes of CSI Miami. Amen.
Driving around my parent's neighborhood proved that. There was a tree blocking the street going one direction, a tree on a power line blocking another way, and only one way out. And then once you got out of the neighborhood there were more and more trees sitting on power lines. Tropical storms are dangerous. There are tons of people with damaged homes, house fires, no power for at least a week, and then there are the idiots talking about how awesome it is. Those people are lacking a compassion gene.
I was in Connecticut during the storm to get help with the kiddos because Kyle was stuck at the airport all weekend. We lost power early Sunday and it will be out for days. I came back to Massachusetts this afternoon because Kyle was home and our power was back on, but I feel terrible for my parents. They are losing hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of food, their lawn is trashed, they can't flush their toilets, and they have to other people's houses to shower. Luckily, they are far better off than some people.
We spent the day playing card games in the glow of the flashlights (I dominated) and ate whatever was not in the fridge. Madeleine was horribly confused by the power outage and kept asking for the lights.
And Madeleine has started biting. She bit my arm while sitting on my lap and so I put her in time out. She finally said, "I sorry!" so I scooped her up, told her not to bite again, and hugged her. But we may have to play this daily from now on.
The next two days are Kyle's weekend and so we will be restocking our fridge... the one I just stocked last week. But in all honesty I am just so glad that our home is okay, we are okay, and all the people we love are as well. It could have been a lot worse.
And I am also thankful for the little things like potties that flush and showers that run. And the internet. And that the DVR didn't miss any episodes of CSI Miami. Amen.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The Playroom
Can I just say how much I love having a playroom? Our old apartment was also a three bedroom and we put a kid in each room. Fools. They still both ended up in our room most nights and the living room looked like we had looted a Babies R Us and still hadn't found a place to pawn our stolen goods. And when we had guests over there was no place to them to stay except for said living room so they would have to push the things to the side of the room, put down the air mattress, and we would pray that no stray puzzle pieces would poke their wooden sides into the mattress causing it to slowly deflate and the guests to wake up on the floor.
That was when we even allowed guests in the house.
Now... we have a PLAYROOM! And it is messy! I try to get Madeleine to help me clean, and she does because she is a perfect angel and loves to please, but we usually find a book to read and end up snuggled on the couch. I have serious cleaning ADD (I'm pretty sure I stopped mid dishes to write this post) so it might take a bit before we get back to the task at hand. If at all. Because there is always something better to do. And to be honest, as long as the rest of the house is orderly I kind of like the playroom a bit messed up. It shows how much fun I have with my kids all day and saves them the trouble of leveling the room again the next morning so we can get down to playing right away.
But the really great things is that when people come over I can just shut the door and they don't have to know. Now, if said guest is staying overnight we have a futon that folds down because not having a crib in there means we have room for that. And there is usually almost nothing on the futon so we just go and swipe the toys onto the floor, lay out some blankets and pillows, and by golly, move over Hilton family. We make your hotels look like a hostel. And from someone who has travel Europe... that is NOT a compliment.
Tonight I snuggled up with Madeleine in the playroom reading the "I love" book while Juliette crawled, scooted, and growled her way from toy to toy looking for something dangerous to put in her mouth. Until she decided snuggling was way more fun than choking and decided to join us as well. It was a perfect evening.
The playroom is a complete and utter disaster but tonight I am just going to shut the door, finish the dishes, and maybe watch a little CSI NY. My kids are happy and so am I.
That was when we even allowed guests in the house.
Now... we have a PLAYROOM! And it is messy! I try to get Madeleine to help me clean, and she does because she is a perfect angel and loves to please, but we usually find a book to read and end up snuggled on the couch. I have serious cleaning ADD (I'm pretty sure I stopped mid dishes to write this post) so it might take a bit before we get back to the task at hand. If at all. Because there is always something better to do. And to be honest, as long as the rest of the house is orderly I kind of like the playroom a bit messed up. It shows how much fun I have with my kids all day and saves them the trouble of leveling the room again the next morning so we can get down to playing right away.
But the really great things is that when people come over I can just shut the door and they don't have to know. Now, if said guest is staying overnight we have a futon that folds down because not having a crib in there means we have room for that. And there is usually almost nothing on the futon so we just go and swipe the toys onto the floor, lay out some blankets and pillows, and by golly, move over Hilton family. We make your hotels look like a hostel. And from someone who has travel Europe... that is NOT a compliment.
Tonight I snuggled up with Madeleine in the playroom reading the "I love" book while Juliette crawled, scooted, and growled her way from toy to toy looking for something dangerous to put in her mouth. Until she decided snuggling was way more fun than choking and decided to join us as well. It was a perfect evening.
The playroom is a complete and utter disaster but tonight I am just going to shut the door, finish the dishes, and maybe watch a little CSI NY. My kids are happy and so am I.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
In the Behr cave... or wherever it is that Behrs live
So it's been a while since I've done a post about daily life with the baby Behrs and since I am apparently an insomniac all of a sudden now seems as good of a time as ever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
Friday, May 6, 2011
This bed is too... not mommy and daddy's
It's 11:00 at night and my guess is that most of your kids have been asleep for hours. The computer is right by the door to Madeleine's room and as I sit here I can hear her talking to herself.
Now, I'll admit that our bedtime and wake time schedules are a bit unorthodox. I've always been a night person so when Kyle got on his current schedule (4:30 am- 1:00pm) I thought about what baby bedtime would work best with how I operate. Since I'm terrible in the mornings and I love time to myself at night to watch TV and unwind, I opted for the twelve hour block of ten to ten as "baby bed time". It allowed me to stay up til twelve or one by myself and still be able to sleep in. I so no reason why, as I mom, I would want to put them to bed at seven or eight, force myself to bed earlier than I want to, and wake up early as well. With that schedule I'd have seven hours alone with the kids in the morning when I am at my worst. With this one, it's more like four.
With all that figured out I started moving towards this new bedtime/wake up routine slowly but surely. And it worked great at first. Sure, I'd get some looks and comments when we were at Target shopping at eight at night. And my cleaning lady is constantly confused if the kids are still sleeping when she shows up at ten, but it works for us.
However, lately something has gone terribly wrong. During the move to our new apartment I let Madeleine sleep in our bed more and more to get her "adjusted". Really, I just wanted someone to spoon with when Kyle left for work at three. Now Madeleine refuses to go to bed in her crib. Every night is an all out fight.
It's been almost two months since we moved in and it isn't getting better. It is now 11:16 and my stubborn 22 month old is exhausted but not asleep. She believes that she belongs next to daddy and mommy at night and by golly she will fight to get her way. Unfortunately for her, her mommy is stubborn too.
I used to love the schedule I got the kids on but it seems like it gets pushed later and later. It was easy getting them to go to bed later but the hard part is getting them in bed earlier. Somehow I'll make it happen but until then, God bless the people who live above us. Because by this time of night both Madeleine and momma both want to scream.
Now, I'll admit that our bedtime and wake time schedules are a bit unorthodox. I've always been a night person so when Kyle got on his current schedule (4:30 am- 1:00pm) I thought about what baby bedtime would work best with how I operate. Since I'm terrible in the mornings and I love time to myself at night to watch TV and unwind, I opted for the twelve hour block of ten to ten as "baby bed time". It allowed me to stay up til twelve or one by myself and still be able to sleep in. I so no reason why, as I mom, I would want to put them to bed at seven or eight, force myself to bed earlier than I want to, and wake up early as well. With that schedule I'd have seven hours alone with the kids in the morning when I am at my worst. With this one, it's more like four.
With all that figured out I started moving towards this new bedtime/wake up routine slowly but surely. And it worked great at first. Sure, I'd get some looks and comments when we were at Target shopping at eight at night. And my cleaning lady is constantly confused if the kids are still sleeping when she shows up at ten, but it works for us.
However, lately something has gone terribly wrong. During the move to our new apartment I let Madeleine sleep in our bed more and more to get her "adjusted". Really, I just wanted someone to spoon with when Kyle left for work at three. Now Madeleine refuses to go to bed in her crib. Every night is an all out fight.
It's been almost two months since we moved in and it isn't getting better. It is now 11:16 and my stubborn 22 month old is exhausted but not asleep. She believes that she belongs next to daddy and mommy at night and by golly she will fight to get her way. Unfortunately for her, her mommy is stubborn too.
I used to love the schedule I got the kids on but it seems like it gets pushed later and later. It was easy getting them to go to bed later but the hard part is getting them in bed earlier. Somehow I'll make it happen but until then, God bless the people who live above us. Because by this time of night both Madeleine and momma both want to scream.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
When the day just calls for a little Bailey's
Last night, like many nights, I didn't get to bed until 2 in the morning. Once upon a time, when we lived in our old apartment, getting the kids to bed was a simple and easy task.
Step 1- Pick Madeleine up
Step 2- Put her in her crib
Step 3- Enjoy
Juliette would fall asleep shortly thereafter with a little nursing and a good swaddle and then momma behr would enjoy the peace and quiet and maybe even a shower.
Now, in our new apartment, the little Behrs are not adjusted as well from the confusion of the move, etc. and the process of bedtime goes a little more like this
Step 1- Beg
Step 2- Plead
Step 3- Bribe
Step 4- Cry in a fetal position as Madeleine and Juliette stay up for the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
As much as I love my girls, as much as I enjoy spending time with them, those moments after they had gone to bed and I had the apartment to myself were such a comfort to me. And now they have been ripped away from me by tiny fingers.
Today was a long day to begin with involving a two hour round trip to meet my sister halfway between our homes to give her back her tennis racket and culminating in an argument with the Daddy Behr about where the storage boxes should go and how many will fit in the basement.
So tonight, I am taking it easy. Juliette is on my lap, Madeleine in one arm and I can tell there are getting tired. Soon (hopefully) I will be enjoying Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks. But for now, instead of games, we are enjoying purely speculative programs about the upcoming Royal Nuptials.
I may be up late tonight, I may not get a shower, but I will fall asleep peaceful. Most days I try to be a perfect mother but tonight, I'm just trying to be a sane one. And tomorrow I will begin on working them into a normal routine once again.
Still, with all my complaining, I know that a few hours after her little auburn haired head hits the pillow I will miss my little monkey and all I will be able to think about will be waking up and loving her all day tomorrow.
Step 1- Pick Madeleine up
Step 2- Put her in her crib
Step 3- Enjoy
Juliette would fall asleep shortly thereafter with a little nursing and a good swaddle and then momma behr would enjoy the peace and quiet and maybe even a shower.
Now, in our new apartment, the little Behrs are not adjusted as well from the confusion of the move, etc. and the process of bedtime goes a little more like this
Step 1- Beg
Step 2- Plead
Step 3- Bribe
Step 4- Cry in a fetal position as Madeleine and Juliette stay up for the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
As much as I love my girls, as much as I enjoy spending time with them, those moments after they had gone to bed and I had the apartment to myself were such a comfort to me. And now they have been ripped away from me by tiny fingers.
Today was a long day to begin with involving a two hour round trip to meet my sister halfway between our homes to give her back her tennis racket and culminating in an argument with the Daddy Behr about where the storage boxes should go and how many will fit in the basement.
So tonight, I am taking it easy. Juliette is on my lap, Madeleine in one arm and I can tell there are getting tired. Soon (hopefully) I will be enjoying Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks. But for now, instead of games, we are enjoying purely speculative programs about the upcoming Royal Nuptials.
I may be up late tonight, I may not get a shower, but I will fall asleep peaceful. Most days I try to be a perfect mother but tonight, I'm just trying to be a sane one. And tomorrow I will begin on working them into a normal routine once again.
Still, with all my complaining, I know that a few hours after her little auburn haired head hits the pillow I will miss my little monkey and all I will be able to think about will be waking up and loving her all day tomorrow.
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's been a crazy few months
In late November we added one new baby Behr to our family. Miss Juliette was born after a quick and easy labor at which Daddy Behr and Grandma were present.
Since that morning life has been hectic. Anyone who has ever had more than one kid can tell you that being a mommy to more than one certainly has it's challenges but I am pleased to announce that it really isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Maybe because my kids are awesome, maybe because I am awesome, but despite being busy I have managed to stay sane and stable and am loving every minute of watching my two beautiful babies grow.
Madeleine is completely in love with her little sister. It's "baby! baby!" all the time every day. And who would have thought a little girl under the age of two would be such a help either? Madeleine loves to entertain her sister, makes her smile and giggle, and I'm not going to lie, it kind of melts my heart to see them together.
Juliette is an absolute sweetheart. She has big brown eyes, a tiny little nose, and the most beautiful smile. I mean, the kid must be happy because she smiles a lot. She constantly wants to be held and while Madeleine would go to almost anyone, Juliette is a momma's girl. She loves being in momma's arms and I don't mind having her there. She sleeps through the night, nurses like a champ, and is a little brunette version of me. My husband can barely tell our baby pictures apart. Of course, my mom insists she has my sister's eyes and my grandmother-in-law insists she looks like her mom but I know the truth, she looks just like me.
I've recently entered into the world of cloth diapering and love it. I am now two thirds crunchy granola. I plan on home schooling, I cloth diaper, but by George I will never, ever go without an epidural on purpose. I love those things more than I love my cleaning lady and I love her a lot.
Kyle got a promotion at work which means he is really moving up fast in the company. We moved out of our old apartment to a new one with a big bathroom, a nice neighborhood, and no sketchy jerks upstairs. Yay us.
So anyway, babies have woken up and I must attend to them but I will hopefully, maybe keep up with this thing. Because Kyle thinks it's awesome.
Since that morning life has been hectic. Anyone who has ever had more than one kid can tell you that being a mommy to more than one certainly has it's challenges but I am pleased to announce that it really isn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Maybe because my kids are awesome, maybe because I am awesome, but despite being busy I have managed to stay sane and stable and am loving every minute of watching my two beautiful babies grow.
Madeleine is completely in love with her little sister. It's "baby! baby!" all the time every day. And who would have thought a little girl under the age of two would be such a help either? Madeleine loves to entertain her sister, makes her smile and giggle, and I'm not going to lie, it kind of melts my heart to see them together.
Juliette is an absolute sweetheart. She has big brown eyes, a tiny little nose, and the most beautiful smile. I mean, the kid must be happy because she smiles a lot. She constantly wants to be held and while Madeleine would go to almost anyone, Juliette is a momma's girl. She loves being in momma's arms and I don't mind having her there. She sleeps through the night, nurses like a champ, and is a little brunette version of me. My husband can barely tell our baby pictures apart. Of course, my mom insists she has my sister's eyes and my grandmother-in-law insists she looks like her mom but I know the truth, she looks just like me.
I've recently entered into the world of cloth diapering and love it. I am now two thirds crunchy granola. I plan on home schooling, I cloth diaper, but by George I will never, ever go without an epidural on purpose. I love those things more than I love my cleaning lady and I love her a lot.
Kyle got a promotion at work which means he is really moving up fast in the company. We moved out of our old apartment to a new one with a big bathroom, a nice neighborhood, and no sketchy jerks upstairs. Yay us.
So anyway, babies have woken up and I must attend to them but I will hopefully, maybe keep up with this thing. Because Kyle thinks it's awesome.
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