Okay so you know how it's Lent and everything? I'm definitely one of those people who gives up something for Lent and indulges in it on Sundays (without going overboard) since Sundays aren't "actually" part of Lent. Call it cheating or whatever you'd like but I just look at it as being a good Catholic cause I stick with the liturgical calender and all. And it's awesome to celebrate the Lord's Day with a piece of chocolate or a nice mocha, since those are (two of) the things I gave up. But mostly, by doing this I have the strength to observe Lent even more strictly the rest of the week and to allow myself to take on great penance than I would otherwise. I feel as though this way, with my personality, helps my journey rather than hinders it.
Last week I completely creeped out the poor teenage Batista boy at Starbucks. I went up to order with my crazy eyes and squeaked out, "Grande non fat no whip mocha." and then beamed at him. He said I looked really excited for my coffee. I told him I had given it up for Lent but I still get it on Sundays and he stared at me and managed, "What do you DO the rest of the week." "Oh, I have a Keurig!" I smiled at him and bounded off merrily to await my lovely beverage of love. Joy.
Well tonight I am going out to pick up my baby's prescription and while I am there I am also grabbing a Cadbury egg or two... or three.
See, before you totally judge me it's been a really rough week for me. Lots of trips to the doctors and fevers and viewings of Barney and medications giving me allergic reactions and not leaving the house and now my baby possibly having asthma... I guess everybody has their things, the way they feel called to prepare themselves for Holy Week. I love that God gives me a weekly reprieve.
But the best part of tomorrow, even better than the chocolate... I get to go to mass! By myself! Without kids! Alone!
Most weeks I am peeling babies off the pews and shrugging embarrassed at strangers with judgey eyes but this week I will be able to pray and focus on the Lord. He knows I need it, need Him, so badly.
It's been a rough Lent for me, I have been feeling tired, overwhelmed, and discouraged. I'm having a hard time in the desert. I just can't wait for tomorrow for the Lord to refresh me.