Thursday, April 21, 2011

Do the clothes make the woman?

As a mom, I sometimes find it hard to do things that are just for me. When I do, I usually end up feeling guilty about it. After all, being a mom is about putting yourself last, right? So did I really need those shoes? Or that sweater? Should I return them? Do I really need a gym membership? Can I leave my kids to go workout for an hour?

To begin with, I have a problem with spending. I love being a stay at home mom but especially during those long winter months, nothing is more appealing than the mall and there is always an excuse to buy something new. And there is also always online stores. It's usually for the kids but I have to keep myself accountable to my husband and clear big purchases with him first while also monitoring the small ones. I HATE the word no so it can prove to be a difficult task.

But when it comes to the normal things that most twenty-five year old spend money on to keep themselves looking and feeling good I have a hard time shelling out the dough. I haven't had my hair cut since September, my nails done since November, and my brows waxed since January. I feel hairy and frumpy. But Juliette only nurses so how can I leave her? Or is that just an excuse.

My mom did everything for us and never thought of herself. My dad called us the best dressed poor kids in town but my mom's closet was always lacking. She never seemed to mind and was always beautiful anyway but I always felt bad that I had so much while she rarely ever got for herself. Now I understand. Your kids are a reflection of yourself and giving them the best is giving you the best.

Still, it always made me happy when my mom went and got her hair done because I could tell that she felt good. I loved when she got a new shirt and would show me. I loved shopping with her for her new dress for my sister's wedding. I was proud of how good she looked even if she couldn't see it.

My mom has recently lost almost 50 lbs and she looks amazing, not at all her age. I want my kids to look at me and be proud of how beautiful their mom is spiritually and physically. Just like how I feel about my mom. Kyle would be attracted to me no matter what as long as I had boobs but I know he is proud when I make an effort. When my hair is long and straight and blond and flowing and I'm dressed in the right style and color. Why does being a mom mean I have to stop being me? Why would it ever mean that I have to stop dressing attractively?

Tomorrow I am going out with my mother-in-law (AMAZING woman, I am blessed) and we are going to get me my first pair of heels. I know, right? I recently started wearing nicer makeup, straightening my hair, and I am in the process of toning my body hopefully back to where it was pre-baby. As I do all these things I feel better about myself and I find I have more energy, more joy, and am a better mother.

I know my true beauty comes from what is inside me but I never want to neglect the outside. God gave me my beauty as a gift and I don't want to just trow that gift away. I can be a mother and still have a bit of time left over for me. No mom should feel guilty about taking that time. I'm slowly learning to let go of that guilt.

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