Dear Madeleine,
Before we found out we were pregnant with you we had no idea if we could have any children at all. You see, a few months before I took that positive pregnancy test we lost your older sister or brother and one of my tubes. I suppose you will have no idea what that means for quite some time but it was the worst heart break I had even been through.
All my life I had dreamed about being a mommy someday. Other kids wanted to be doctors, astronauts, teachers, scientists, rock stars, and actors. I wanted to have children. During the months between losing our first child and finding out I was pregnant with you I went through many different stages of grief. I mourned my loss and I prayed that someday my heart would feel whole again. My heart ached. That part of me that I thought God had made to be filled with motherly love was instead uncomfortably stuffed full of fear and sorrow. I prayed that God would fill it instead with His love... in whatever form that may be.
He answered that prayer by giving me you. From the time that pregnancy test turned positive my heart was full of love like I never imagined was possible, love that could only come from the one who is Love. All of a sudden, so much of God was made just a tiny bit clearer so my tiny heart could understand Him. I loved you before I knew you; I finally understood how God could have loved me from the beginning of time. I would gladly die to see you in heaven; I could finally start to wrap my head and heart around Jesus dying on the cross for me.
I've been very blessed with a lot of love in my life. I have amazing parents, siblings, friends. Most especially I have your father who could and would and does lay down his life for me daily. This was something new though. Your grandmom would tell me when I was pregnant with you that I had no idea what I was in store for. She said explaining how much you love your children is like trying to explain how much I love Kyle to someone who has never been in a relationship. Until you have that kind of selfless, lay down your life, do anything to get them to heaven type of romantic love in your life you can never understand even the concept.
And so throughout my pregnancy I loved you. I loved you each time I threw up because I knew it meant you were safe and healthy. I loved you as my stomach started to expand and the stretch marks started to show because they were my battle scars, my proof to the world that I had carried life within me. I loved you when I first saw your heart beat on the monitor, when I was afraid I had lost you because I had spotted. I knew you were a fighter and that there was no stopping you from coming into this world. I loved you from the first time I felt you move, it was something special that only you and I shared because you were mine. I loved you when I found out that you were a girl, my daughter, my princess, my Madeleine. I loved you when your little head injured my pelvis and I couldn't even lift my legs onto the bed without help because in your movements I could sense your personhood and knew that even at that stage you were a complete individual. I loved you when I got kidney stones and I would do anything, suffer anything, to keep you healthy and keep myself out of surgery and the risk of delivering you early. I loved you when I was almost two weeks late and you refused to come out. I loved that the night I went into the hospital to give birth to you was exactly one year after I had lost your sibling and that the day of my deepest sorrow had turned instead into my greatest triumph. I was at the end of one of the longest marathons of my life and I was about to finally meet my child.
Since there were complications during your delivery I was not able to hold you right away. I watched as they suctioned your lungs from across the room. I took it all in, your giant size, your dark hair, your almond eyes, your pink cheeks, they way you stayed calm despite the bright lights and the sounds and the people. I watched as your daddy reached out and touched you for the first time and I longed to hold you in my arms. At that point in my life I wondered how I could ever love any more. And then I held you in my arms finally and I did. I loved you even more.
In my wildest dreams I could never have imagined that this much love is possible and I am reminded on a daily basis that I can love more and that the love I have for you is a fraction of what God has for us. Time has gone by far too quickly but as each stage, newborn, baby, toddler, slips away I am honored by being able to witness a new one, witness your growth and transformation into the person God created you to be. My prayer is that I can foster and stir up in your heart all of the gifts and graces that are yours by virtue of your baptism and that by growing up in God's light you will be open to even more love than I know. You could travel through time and space and I can guarantee that nothing will be as miraculous and life changing as finding love. Whether your become a nun or a wife and mother, I know that if you follow God's will that your life will be filled with untold amounts of joy.
I am so blessed that this is where God led me, to the path where I am a mother to a beautiful, smart, caring, cautious, imaginative, amazing little girl. I love you Madeleine. You are the answer to my prayers and you are the light in my life that lights the way to God. I hope that someday you can read this and realize that if you hold this much beauty to me, how much you are loved by your Heavenly Father and by your Mother Mary and I hope that once you realize that you never let it go.
Happy Third Birthday Princess.
All of my love,
Mommy
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Lots of rest for the not wicked
My mom came up Thursday and Friday nights to help me with the wee ones while I tried to recover from this whole "back injury" thing. By Friday night I was still in so much pain that I ended up in urgent care where they gave me some anti-inflamitories and told me that I needed to see a physical therapist ASAP.
We decided Saturday that since my mom had to head back to Connecticut and since I was still barely able to get off of the couch that she would take the girls with her for two nights. Although I've been away from Madeleine for that long before I had never left Juliette over night and was kind of freaking out internally. I knew it was best for me and best for them but I still didn't want to say goodbye.
We loaded them into the minivan and I went to each side to say bye. First I went to Madeleine and she gave me a huge hug and told me, "Now you go lie down and close your eyes." as if she was lecturing me on taking care of myself. Her little brow was even furrowed and her eyes were serious as she stared at me. And that was only the second cutest thing she did that day. Earlier she had put her princess crown on my head and smiled at me proclaiming, "You look perfect mommy. You are perfect mommy because you are MY mommy." She is an angel.
Then I went to Juliette's side of the car and rubbed her head and gave her kisses. She smiled at me and said, "BYE BYE DADDY!" really excitedly. You win some, you lose some.
Now I have been sitting here, alone, while Kyle has been working over time. It sounds great in theory. I mean, the first day I took a three hour nap, ate ice cream for dinner, watched TV, and then slept for 11 hours. However, I AM BORED. I miss my babies. And it stinks not being able to take advantage of this time by cleaning or cooking or shopping. It's just me and Jack Bauer and the gang at CTU trying to save Los Angeles... again.
I'm starting to do a little better. I've canceled all my appointments for next week and dominated round after round of Fruit Ninja. I'm taking it slowly and hopefully when the girls get back tomorrow I'll at least be able to sit in the playroom with them without pain.
God is good though. I'm glad I have a life I love and miss when I am not able to enjoy it. It would be sad if watching TV was better than my day to day. I miss those stinky, silly little girls but I'm glad they are having a blast at their grandparents. I can't wait to hear all about it when they get home.
We decided Saturday that since my mom had to head back to Connecticut and since I was still barely able to get off of the couch that she would take the girls with her for two nights. Although I've been away from Madeleine for that long before I had never left Juliette over night and was kind of freaking out internally. I knew it was best for me and best for them but I still didn't want to say goodbye.
We loaded them into the minivan and I went to each side to say bye. First I went to Madeleine and she gave me a huge hug and told me, "Now you go lie down and close your eyes." as if she was lecturing me on taking care of myself. Her little brow was even furrowed and her eyes were serious as she stared at me. And that was only the second cutest thing she did that day. Earlier she had put her princess crown on my head and smiled at me proclaiming, "You look perfect mommy. You are perfect mommy because you are MY mommy." She is an angel.
Then I went to Juliette's side of the car and rubbed her head and gave her kisses. She smiled at me and said, "BYE BYE DADDY!" really excitedly. You win some, you lose some.
Now I have been sitting here, alone, while Kyle has been working over time. It sounds great in theory. I mean, the first day I took a three hour nap, ate ice cream for dinner, watched TV, and then slept for 11 hours. However, I AM BORED. I miss my babies. And it stinks not being able to take advantage of this time by cleaning or cooking or shopping. It's just me and Jack Bauer and the gang at CTU trying to save Los Angeles... again.
I'm starting to do a little better. I've canceled all my appointments for next week and dominated round after round of Fruit Ninja. I'm taking it slowly and hopefully when the girls get back tomorrow I'll at least be able to sit in the playroom with them without pain.
God is good though. I'm glad I have a life I love and miss when I am not able to enjoy it. It would be sad if watching TV was better than my day to day. I miss those stinky, silly little girls but I'm glad they are having a blast at their grandparents. I can't wait to hear all about it when they get home.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Three weeks in bullet points- Sarah tries succinct
Welllllllllll it's been awhile.
I was in the TARDIS, time traveling with The Doctor.
Just kidding.
First there was the whole "vacation" thing. Then there was the whole "recovering from vacation" thing. Then there was the "throwing out my back and being unable to sit at a computer to type" thing.
I had originally planned on writing about all of it, but instead since I have a limited period of time before my lower back bursts into flames I have decided that bullet points are the way to go.
1. Life Teen Reunion- It was awesome. I was able to spend the weekend with some of my best friends AND go to mass AND have a jello shot at a dive bar. The latter was not a Life Teen sanctioned event. Holy mom who still manages to be cool. NAILED IT.
2. Next we flew to New Orleans to visit one of our good friends, Father Garrett. The "Father" prefix is rather new as he was ordained on June 2nd and therefore we decided that the Behrs would invade his home and "help" him celebrate. We dragged him to multiple parks and to a children's museum. He celebrated a private mass for our family. Twice. CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW AMAZING IT IS TO SEE YOUR FRIEND CELEBRATE MASS! I made these here babies but YOU JUST MADE JESUS. Points go to Father Garrett for winning at Church.
3. THEN we drove to Clear Lake outside of Houston. Ya know, with the girls in a car for six hours. Can I just tell you how fun that was? Well, actually they were pretty awesome and the credit is entirely due to Madeleine's new Leappad which played episode after episode of Dora the Explorer for them to zone out to. FIRST we cross through the alligator swaps of Louisianna, then we crossed the bridge into Texas, and then we made it to CLEAR LAKE. Along the way Swiper swiped Madeleine's princess potty seat so consequently I spent the next couple potty breaks helping her hover over toilets. (No wonder I threw my back out.)
4. We were in Clear Lake for my grandfather-in-law's 90th birthday style and lemmetellyou. There ain't no party like a Behr party because a Behr party has PUZZLES. After the most awesome trivia game ever (I won the 500 dollar question by being the only Catholic on my team. Putting that theology degree to good, profitable use.) the family gathered around to drink wine, tell stories, and get unneccessarily competitive over a 500 piece puzzle. It was good times. Gotta love hanging out with family.
5. After Clear Lake we headed to Houston for my sister-in-law's bridal shower and to eat a lot of food. I weighed a good two pounds more after this trip than I did before it. Worth it. Also, my sister-in-law did such a spectacular job remodeling her house that my game plan for remodeling my own future house has changed from "Pinterest" to "copy what Lainey did".
6. Mixed parts happy and exhausted, we traveled back to Massachusetts. After Kyle managed to accidentally knock over my open (okay, it was overweight and I had to take stuff out) suitcase in the middle of the Air Tran check-in line, we made all three of our flights and even got first class on two of them. While Kyle took advantage of the leg room and Madeleine took advantage of the cookies, Mommy snagged herself some free vodka and congratulated herself on surviving an elaborate (albiet awesome) trip with two kids.
7. AND now the kids don't get to bed before 11 anymore. Such is my life.
8. Also I threw out my back and managed to wait six days before seeing anyone. Apparently I have some sort of swollen disk and according to the chiropractor, it's bad. I know this not because he told me but because after examining me I swear I saw little dollar signs pop up in his eyes. Before sending me away with an appointment for tomorrow morning he scolded me for not coming in sooner. I suppose not being able to stand up straight, crying out in pain when I had to move, and having numb toes should have been my first sign that it was more urgent then I wanted to believe.
9. And lastly, and most importantly, Madeleine turned THREE! THREE! MY BABY IS THREE YEARS OLD. That, however deserves it's own post and I vow to wax poetically about my love for her soon. I mean, I'm writing this blog so she can read it someday so I feel like it would be bad to miss this. Plus, I can't get enough of proclaiming my love for that little beauty.
All in all I am very blessed. There will be many pictures up soon as well because I just can't help myself. Please pray for my recovery. God bless.
I was in the TARDIS, time traveling with The Doctor.
Just kidding.
First there was the whole "vacation" thing. Then there was the whole "recovering from vacation" thing. Then there was the "throwing out my back and being unable to sit at a computer to type" thing.
I had originally planned on writing about all of it, but instead since I have a limited period of time before my lower back bursts into flames I have decided that bullet points are the way to go.
1. Life Teen Reunion- It was awesome. I was able to spend the weekend with some of my best friends AND go to mass AND have a jello shot at a dive bar. The latter was not a Life Teen sanctioned event. Holy mom who still manages to be cool. NAILED IT.
2. Next we flew to New Orleans to visit one of our good friends, Father Garrett. The "Father" prefix is rather new as he was ordained on June 2nd and therefore we decided that the Behrs would invade his home and "help" him celebrate. We dragged him to multiple parks and to a children's museum. He celebrated a private mass for our family. Twice. CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW AMAZING IT IS TO SEE YOUR FRIEND CELEBRATE MASS! I made these here babies but YOU JUST MADE JESUS. Points go to Father Garrett for winning at Church.
3. THEN we drove to Clear Lake outside of Houston. Ya know, with the girls in a car for six hours. Can I just tell you how fun that was? Well, actually they were pretty awesome and the credit is entirely due to Madeleine's new Leappad which played episode after episode of Dora the Explorer for them to zone out to. FIRST we cross through the alligator swaps of Louisianna, then we crossed the bridge into Texas, and then we made it to CLEAR LAKE. Along the way Swiper swiped Madeleine's princess potty seat so consequently I spent the next couple potty breaks helping her hover over toilets. (No wonder I threw my back out.)
4. We were in Clear Lake for my grandfather-in-law's 90th birthday style and lemmetellyou. There ain't no party like a Behr party because a Behr party has PUZZLES. After the most awesome trivia game ever (I won the 500 dollar question by being the only Catholic on my team. Putting that theology degree to good, profitable use.) the family gathered around to drink wine, tell stories, and get unneccessarily competitive over a 500 piece puzzle. It was good times. Gotta love hanging out with family.
5. After Clear Lake we headed to Houston for my sister-in-law's bridal shower and to eat a lot of food. I weighed a good two pounds more after this trip than I did before it. Worth it. Also, my sister-in-law did such a spectacular job remodeling her house that my game plan for remodeling my own future house has changed from "Pinterest" to "copy what Lainey did".
6. Mixed parts happy and exhausted, we traveled back to Massachusetts. After Kyle managed to accidentally knock over my open (okay, it was overweight and I had to take stuff out) suitcase in the middle of the Air Tran check-in line, we made all three of our flights and even got first class on two of them. While Kyle took advantage of the leg room and Madeleine took advantage of the cookies, Mommy snagged herself some free vodka and congratulated herself on surviving an elaborate (albiet awesome) trip with two kids.
7. AND now the kids don't get to bed before 11 anymore. Such is my life.
8. Also I threw out my back and managed to wait six days before seeing anyone. Apparently I have some sort of swollen disk and according to the chiropractor, it's bad. I know this not because he told me but because after examining me I swear I saw little dollar signs pop up in his eyes. Before sending me away with an appointment for tomorrow morning he scolded me for not coming in sooner. I suppose not being able to stand up straight, crying out in pain when I had to move, and having numb toes should have been my first sign that it was more urgent then I wanted to believe.
9. And lastly, and most importantly, Madeleine turned THREE! THREE! MY BABY IS THREE YEARS OLD. That, however deserves it's own post and I vow to wax poetically about my love for her soon. I mean, I'm writing this blog so she can read it someday so I feel like it would be bad to miss this. Plus, I can't get enough of proclaiming my love for that little beauty.
All in all I am very blessed. There will be many pictures up soon as well because I just can't help myself. Please pray for my recovery. God bless.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
A piece of heaven
Today before mass I found myself on hands and knees under the car next to me fetching Madeleine's Hello Kitty Hairbrush I had picked up in the dollar section at Target earlier that day. That was the shopping trip where I spent the money I had been saving for shoes for myself on shoes for the girls and a bed rail for Madeleine's big girl bed. No new shoes for mommy.
At home the fridge and cabinets are stocked full of Madeleine and Juliette's favorite healthy foods. Anything to get these kids to eat something good for them, even though most of it is a little bland for my taste.
I rarely ever eat at the same time as them. I get their food ready and by the time I am sitting down with my serving, they are done with theirs and they are crawling onto my lap trying to get mine.
I'm never in the bathroom alone, most days I shower while the girls play hide and seek in the curtain. I clean the playroom every night, same toys in the same drawers, same books back on the shelf.
From the time I found out I was pregnant with Madeleine my needs took a back seat as I strive to give my growing child the best. I gave up alcohol, ordered my steak well done, stopped adding feta to my salads, and upped the amounts of fruits and veggies in my diet. I find joy in sacrificing for them.
That's not to say in all of this that my needs do not get met because they do. I eat, I shower, I buy new clothes. I have a loving husband who gives me a break when I need it and tries to herd the kids out of the bathroom when I just need to shower in peace. It's just that my needs come second to theirs.
We are both hungry, I feed them first.
We both need new shoes, they get them first.
I want to relax in front of face book and they want to read, it's story time.
It's simple to me. This is one of the best ways I can imitate Christ in my vocation. I have a plaque by my kitchen sink with a quote from Blessed Mother Theresa that says, "Do small things with great love." I can take a cue from her and do the small tasks of my life with great love. I can do the dishes with great love. I can was the laundry with great love. I can change a diaper with great love. They aren't the most exciting tasks in the world but when made into a prayer they will be what makes me into a saint.
Being down on your hands and knees in your Sunday best looking for your daughter's new toy is not exactly the glamorous life but seeing her face light up when I found it made it all worth it. And then leaving mass today, Juliette turned in my arms and started waving and blowing kisses to the statue of Our Lady saying, "Bye Mary! Bye Mary!" It's the small things that will get me to heaven and the small things that let me know that I have a piece of heaven right here.
At home the fridge and cabinets are stocked full of Madeleine and Juliette's favorite healthy foods. Anything to get these kids to eat something good for them, even though most of it is a little bland for my taste.
I rarely ever eat at the same time as them. I get their food ready and by the time I am sitting down with my serving, they are done with theirs and they are crawling onto my lap trying to get mine.
I'm never in the bathroom alone, most days I shower while the girls play hide and seek in the curtain. I clean the playroom every night, same toys in the same drawers, same books back on the shelf.
From the time I found out I was pregnant with Madeleine my needs took a back seat as I strive to give my growing child the best. I gave up alcohol, ordered my steak well done, stopped adding feta to my salads, and upped the amounts of fruits and veggies in my diet. I find joy in sacrificing for them.
That's not to say in all of this that my needs do not get met because they do. I eat, I shower, I buy new clothes. I have a loving husband who gives me a break when I need it and tries to herd the kids out of the bathroom when I just need to shower in peace. It's just that my needs come second to theirs.
We are both hungry, I feed them first.
We both need new shoes, they get them first.
I want to relax in front of face book and they want to read, it's story time.
It's simple to me. This is one of the best ways I can imitate Christ in my vocation. I have a plaque by my kitchen sink with a quote from Blessed Mother Theresa that says, "Do small things with great love." I can take a cue from her and do the small tasks of my life with great love. I can do the dishes with great love. I can was the laundry with great love. I can change a diaper with great love. They aren't the most exciting tasks in the world but when made into a prayer they will be what makes me into a saint.
Being down on your hands and knees in your Sunday best looking for your daughter's new toy is not exactly the glamorous life but seeing her face light up when I found it made it all worth it. And then leaving mass today, Juliette turned in my arms and started waving and blowing kisses to the statue of Our Lady saying, "Bye Mary! Bye Mary!" It's the small things that will get me to heaven and the small things that let me know that I have a piece of heaven right here.
Dear Other Drivers
Dear Other Drivers,
I thought I had warned you. I bought a minivan, put pro-life plates on it, and slapped a "Baby on Board" sticker to the trunk. To me, that says, "Hey! I'm not going to drive like a crazy person." Instead you read, "Maybe if I just follow her a little closer she will speed up."
Okay, let me spell it out for you.
I like my kids. I spend hundreds of dollars on the safest car seats but I am not planning on testing them out. My minivan is completely paid off and I don't feel like replacing it. So BACK THE FRICK OFF! There is a reason I have titled this blog "Momma Behr". Sure it's a cutesy play on words involving my name but it is also a warning. Threaten my family and I will claw your face off.
Here is the secret about women... you may think we are just crazy when we are PMSing or when we are pregnant but one thing I have learned about the female system from studying Natural Family Planning is that we are always hormonal. PMS = Hormonal. On our period = hormonal. Getting read to ovulate = hormonal. Ovulation = hormonal. After ovulation = hormonal. Pregnant = HORMONAL. Post Partum = hormonal. Breastfeeding = hormonal. Menopause = hormonal.
On other words until we are into, on average, our mid to late forties we are a bubbling fountain of crazy just waiting to spill out all over you. Oh we hide it well, but take even the sanest and most low key among us... and it's there. It's science. Or something.
You may experience it when your wife or girlfriend wakes up in the morning mad at you for something you did in her dream. Or maybe you notice it when she cries over characters in books/movies/TV shows like they are real people. Or maybe you realize you wife has been out at the grocery store for a exceptionally long time and you look out the window into the driveway to see her immersed in a pint of Ice Cream. (and yeah I capitalized Ice Cream as I would the name of any of my best friends. It's just that important.) Who knows? One thing is for sure, we women are fiercely protective of those we love. You've seen those chick flicks where the women band together and go to crazy lengths to protect their friend from some total jerk? Imagine that times a million and you will begin to understand how we feel about our children.
So here is the deal Other Drivers. Red means stop. Green means go. Yield means yield. Slow down in parking lots where kids are walking into stores with their parents. Slow down in neighborhoods where children are at play. And putting my flashers on means BACK UP OFF OF MY GRILL. I'm not going to swear or give you the finger (although I may honk and give you the Italian Back Hand) but I swear, if you ever hit my car while you are driving like an idiot I will call the cops and take allllllll of your money.
I think you understand me now.
You've been warned,
Momma Behr
And now to lighten the mood here are some hilarious pictures of my kids sleeping in weird positions. Enjoy.
I thought I had warned you. I bought a minivan, put pro-life plates on it, and slapped a "Baby on Board" sticker to the trunk. To me, that says, "Hey! I'm not going to drive like a crazy person." Instead you read, "Maybe if I just follow her a little closer she will speed up."
Okay, let me spell it out for you.
I like my kids. I spend hundreds of dollars on the safest car seats but I am not planning on testing them out. My minivan is completely paid off and I don't feel like replacing it. So BACK THE FRICK OFF! There is a reason I have titled this blog "Momma Behr". Sure it's a cutesy play on words involving my name but it is also a warning. Threaten my family and I will claw your face off.
Here is the secret about women... you may think we are just crazy when we are PMSing or when we are pregnant but one thing I have learned about the female system from studying Natural Family Planning is that we are always hormonal. PMS = Hormonal. On our period = hormonal. Getting read to ovulate = hormonal. Ovulation = hormonal. After ovulation = hormonal. Pregnant = HORMONAL. Post Partum = hormonal. Breastfeeding = hormonal. Menopause = hormonal.
On other words until we are into, on average, our mid to late forties we are a bubbling fountain of crazy just waiting to spill out all over you. Oh we hide it well, but take even the sanest and most low key among us... and it's there. It's science. Or something.
You may experience it when your wife or girlfriend wakes up in the morning mad at you for something you did in her dream. Or maybe you notice it when she cries over characters in books/movies/TV shows like they are real people. Or maybe you realize you wife has been out at the grocery store for a exceptionally long time and you look out the window into the driveway to see her immersed in a pint of Ice Cream. (and yeah I capitalized Ice Cream as I would the name of any of my best friends. It's just that important.) Who knows? One thing is for sure, we women are fiercely protective of those we love. You've seen those chick flicks where the women band together and go to crazy lengths to protect their friend from some total jerk? Imagine that times a million and you will begin to understand how we feel about our children.
So here is the deal Other Drivers. Red means stop. Green means go. Yield means yield. Slow down in parking lots where kids are walking into stores with their parents. Slow down in neighborhoods where children are at play. And putting my flashers on means BACK UP OFF OF MY GRILL. I'm not going to swear or give you the finger (although I may honk and give you the Italian Back Hand) but I swear, if you ever hit my car while you are driving like an idiot I will call the cops and take allllllll of your money.
I think you understand me now.
You've been warned,
Momma Behr
And now to lighten the mood here are some hilarious pictures of my kids sleeping in weird positions. Enjoy.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Dear Madeleine
Dear Madeleine-
Today mommy cleaned out your crib to move you over to your big girl bed. I know a lot of kids move to big girl beds much earlier than a month prior to their third birthday but I had decided to keep you in there until you tried to climb out or until you were potty trained. It's been nice. I haven't worried about you climbing in to sleep with your sister during the night of finding you in my bed in the morning with no recollection of how you got there. It's been nice but it's time for an upgrade.
As I took each item out of your crib I remembered how you got them, why they are special to you and why they are special to me.
First out of the crib was your sock monkey. Your Aunt Barbra, Grandpa Rick's sister, gave that to you two Christmas's ago. She lost her battle to cancer only a few months later and she was buried with a little monkey just like yours. People say you look just like her and I see it. She was a kind and loving woman who was devoted to her family and was always there for your daddy. I am sure that you will grow up to be very much like her, even beyond your similar appearance.
Next to come out of the crib was your Minnie Mouse. You received that from my Grandmother this past Christmas. My Grandmother is an amazing woman who truly LIVES life. She is someone with many stories, many adventures, who tries new things and has explored the world. Those things have made her a wealth of wisdom and experience, which she shares with her family. I hope that you have her joie de vivre, her joy of life. There is so much goodness in the world, so many things to learn and experience. Sometimes the world can seem like a dark place, you don't know that yet but it can, but you make the world better just by living in it. But you have to LIVE in it. You can't hide out or be afraid to try something new. You can't light up the world if you are hidden away, get out there are discover who God made you to be.
After Minnie Mouse came your Reindeer. That was a gift from your Grandmom, my mother, this Christmas as well. Your grandmother is a youth minister at my home parish in Connecticut and one of the holiest women I have ever met. Someday you will learn that there is no such thing as Santa or Rudolf. I figured that our probably much later in life than I should have (thanks mom!) but you should know that there are things that people call "crazy" and "fantasy" that you should never lose faith in. Never lose faith in God. If there is anything I can teach you, if there is anything I know for certain, it is that God. Does. Exist. God is real and he loves you. Someday, even though I will try my hardest to prevent it because that's just what moms do, you will have times of "darkness" in your life, periods of suffering when you just won't understand where He is. You may call me, I hope you will, and I'll try to get it but I may not understand. God understands. He sent his Son to die for us and He knows what it is to suffer. It's in those dark times that many people lose faith, but don't lose faith. Your grandmom hasn't always been dealt an easy hand and yet she stands firmly planted in her faith. It is because of that faith she has that she is able to minister to those going through periods of darkness and love them and turn their hearts to God. Your grandmom will teach you what it means to always have faith in God no matter what.
Next I pulled out your Tiger and your Giraffe. Those were gifts from Grandmommy, your daddy's mom. Your grandmommy is one of the most generous women in the whole world, that's why there are two animals in there from her. Your grandmommy is the type of person who will give without thought of herself, just because it makes her happy to know that you are happy. She has given of her time, her energy, her money... everything really, to ensure that YOU are happy and well taken care of. She loves you. I hope that in life you resemble your grandmommy by taking more joy in giving than in receiving. God will always fill you back up but you first have to give.
Finally I took out your Blue Bird. You got that from your daddy on your special date to the aquarium in Baltimore. Your daddy lays down his life for you day in and day out. He is up for work every day at 2:30, sometimes working far longer hours than his standard shift. He then comes home and is ready to read to you, play with you, take you out, show you that you and your little sister are his little princesses and treats your mommy like a queen. Even on his days off, like the day he took you to Baltimore, his life is about making sure you are well taken care of and LOVED. We know that Jesus taught us that there was no greater love than to lay one's life down for their friends, well daddy must be your best friend. He sets himself aside on a daily basis for you. I pray that in life you always remember this and respect yourself enough to never settle for any man who would treat you any less than this. But if by some chance you do, daddy owns a gun. Just kidding... he left it in Texas.
So the bars of the crib are down, my baby. It's a brave new world. Live your life in the example of all of these amazing people and so many more, your aunties and grandfathers, who love you and want you to have the most amazing life possible. Live in the example of God who IS LOVE. As for my, big girl, know that I love you more every second of every day. You are beautiful and sweet, special and smart, and I could not have ever imagined a more wonderful little girl. I thank God for you every day.
All my love,
Mommy
Today mommy cleaned out your crib to move you over to your big girl bed. I know a lot of kids move to big girl beds much earlier than a month prior to their third birthday but I had decided to keep you in there until you tried to climb out or until you were potty trained. It's been nice. I haven't worried about you climbing in to sleep with your sister during the night of finding you in my bed in the morning with no recollection of how you got there. It's been nice but it's time for an upgrade.
As I took each item out of your crib I remembered how you got them, why they are special to you and why they are special to me.
First out of the crib was your sock monkey. Your Aunt Barbra, Grandpa Rick's sister, gave that to you two Christmas's ago. She lost her battle to cancer only a few months later and she was buried with a little monkey just like yours. People say you look just like her and I see it. She was a kind and loving woman who was devoted to her family and was always there for your daddy. I am sure that you will grow up to be very much like her, even beyond your similar appearance.
Next to come out of the crib was your Minnie Mouse. You received that from my Grandmother this past Christmas. My Grandmother is an amazing woman who truly LIVES life. She is someone with many stories, many adventures, who tries new things and has explored the world. Those things have made her a wealth of wisdom and experience, which she shares with her family. I hope that you have her joie de vivre, her joy of life. There is so much goodness in the world, so many things to learn and experience. Sometimes the world can seem like a dark place, you don't know that yet but it can, but you make the world better just by living in it. But you have to LIVE in it. You can't hide out or be afraid to try something new. You can't light up the world if you are hidden away, get out there are discover who God made you to be.
After Minnie Mouse came your Reindeer. That was a gift from your Grandmom, my mother, this Christmas as well. Your grandmother is a youth minister at my home parish in Connecticut and one of the holiest women I have ever met. Someday you will learn that there is no such thing as Santa or Rudolf. I figured that our probably much later in life than I should have (thanks mom!) but you should know that there are things that people call "crazy" and "fantasy" that you should never lose faith in. Never lose faith in God. If there is anything I can teach you, if there is anything I know for certain, it is that God. Does. Exist. God is real and he loves you. Someday, even though I will try my hardest to prevent it because that's just what moms do, you will have times of "darkness" in your life, periods of suffering when you just won't understand where He is. You may call me, I hope you will, and I'll try to get it but I may not understand. God understands. He sent his Son to die for us and He knows what it is to suffer. It's in those dark times that many people lose faith, but don't lose faith. Your grandmom hasn't always been dealt an easy hand and yet she stands firmly planted in her faith. It is because of that faith she has that she is able to minister to those going through periods of darkness and love them and turn their hearts to God. Your grandmom will teach you what it means to always have faith in God no matter what.
Next I pulled out your Tiger and your Giraffe. Those were gifts from Grandmommy, your daddy's mom. Your grandmommy is one of the most generous women in the whole world, that's why there are two animals in there from her. Your grandmommy is the type of person who will give without thought of herself, just because it makes her happy to know that you are happy. She has given of her time, her energy, her money... everything really, to ensure that YOU are happy and well taken care of. She loves you. I hope that in life you resemble your grandmommy by taking more joy in giving than in receiving. God will always fill you back up but you first have to give.
Finally I took out your Blue Bird. You got that from your daddy on your special date to the aquarium in Baltimore. Your daddy lays down his life for you day in and day out. He is up for work every day at 2:30, sometimes working far longer hours than his standard shift. He then comes home and is ready to read to you, play with you, take you out, show you that you and your little sister are his little princesses and treats your mommy like a queen. Even on his days off, like the day he took you to Baltimore, his life is about making sure you are well taken care of and LOVED. We know that Jesus taught us that there was no greater love than to lay one's life down for their friends, well daddy must be your best friend. He sets himself aside on a daily basis for you. I pray that in life you always remember this and respect yourself enough to never settle for any man who would treat you any less than this. But if by some chance you do, daddy owns a gun. Just kidding... he left it in Texas.
So the bars of the crib are down, my baby. It's a brave new world. Live your life in the example of all of these amazing people and so many more, your aunties and grandfathers, who love you and want you to have the most amazing life possible. Live in the example of God who IS LOVE. As for my, big girl, know that I love you more every second of every day. You are beautiful and sweet, special and smart, and I could not have ever imagined a more wonderful little girl. I thank God for you every day.
All my love,
Mommy
Sunday, May 20, 2012
I WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY
I'm going to be really mean here for a moment and put up a picture that will haunt Madeleine into adulthood...
As I mentioned last week, Madeleine is officially day time potty trained! Woot woot! Anyway, we have been accident free for almost 48 hours (not counting nap time) so I decided that while we were at church I would bring her potty seat just in case she needed to go and keep her in her big girl underwear.
I spent probably half of mass in back with her. I think she was nervous she would have an accident at first and then she just got excited to be able to go potty on the go.
And it was a real treat for the whole parish when we got back to the pew and Madeleine loudly proclaimed, "I WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!" to her father. She then realized she was being loud and went, "Oh! Oh! Sorry mommy! I'll be quiet!"
I had bribed her with a bubble bath to be a good girl at mass and it worked. She was an angel and it rubbed off on her little sister. When we got home from mass they splashed for a half hour in the bubbles until they were sufficiently prune-like. That was after we finally managed to awaken the baby from her slumber. Apparently it is EXHAUSTING to behave for an entire mass. It took Madeleine climbing almost on her lap and saying, "Wake up my baby!" for her to start to stir.
Juliette has been trying to copy cat her sister in potty training. She often sits down briefly on the potty, stands back up, points into the potty saying, "Yay POO POO!", and claps for herself. Madeleine finds this highly amusing and watches her going, "Oh silly baby!" Yes Madeleine, you are so old and wise.
And of course, since it is Sunday we were dressed to the nines. We had several dance parties so they could twirl in their dresses. I love having girls! Madeleine provided some of the "music"... and by music I mean smashing pans together much to the joy of her little sister, who thinks everything Madeleine does is sheer genius.
Not too much else to report on the home front. We are heading to Connecticut tomorrow for Kyle's weekend so hopefully that will mean baby sitting and a date night out to the movies. It really isn't hard to bribe the family into hanging out with the kids.
That's it for now! God bless!
As I mentioned last week, Madeleine is officially day time potty trained! Woot woot! Anyway, we have been accident free for almost 48 hours (not counting nap time) so I decided that while we were at church I would bring her potty seat just in case she needed to go and keep her in her big girl underwear.
I spent probably half of mass in back with her. I think she was nervous she would have an accident at first and then she just got excited to be able to go potty on the go.
And it was a real treat for the whole parish when we got back to the pew and Madeleine loudly proclaimed, "I WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!" to her father. She then realized she was being loud and went, "Oh! Oh! Sorry mommy! I'll be quiet!"
I had bribed her with a bubble bath to be a good girl at mass and it worked. She was an angel and it rubbed off on her little sister. When we got home from mass they splashed for a half hour in the bubbles until they were sufficiently prune-like. That was after we finally managed to awaken the baby from her slumber. Apparently it is EXHAUSTING to behave for an entire mass. It took Madeleine climbing almost on her lap and saying, "Wake up my baby!" for her to start to stir.
Juliette has been trying to copy cat her sister in potty training. She often sits down briefly on the potty, stands back up, points into the potty saying, "Yay POO POO!", and claps for herself. Madeleine finds this highly amusing and watches her going, "Oh silly baby!" Yes Madeleine, you are so old and wise.
And of course, since it is Sunday we were dressed to the nines. We had several dance parties so they could twirl in their dresses. I love having girls! Madeleine provided some of the "music"... and by music I mean smashing pans together much to the joy of her little sister, who thinks everything Madeleine does is sheer genius.
Not too much else to report on the home front. We are heading to Connecticut tomorrow for Kyle's weekend so hopefully that will mean baby sitting and a date night out to the movies. It really isn't hard to bribe the family into hanging out with the kids.
That's it for now! God bless!
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