To Kyle,
I love you. Thank you for loving me more than I could have ever imagined anyone could love me. You reveal God to me in your love. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, for looking past the fronts I put up, for listening to what I say and to what I don't. Thank you for being there for me no matter what and for always being so strong and steadfast in the face of adversity.
I was listening to my ITunes tonight as I made the brownies, dancing and singing like an idiot as usual, and Taylor Swift's "Ours" came on... and it pretty much summed up how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel like we are so misunderstood. Sometimes the world is a sad and discouraging place.
Then I remember that I have you.
No matter what people throw at us your love for me will give me the strength to persevere. I know that you are with me, 100 percent, all the time. Through you God turns my sorrow into joy.
I know Valentine's Day is a little bit cheesy (and I know a proclamation of love on my blog is a bit embarrassing) but with all you do for me if it's one more day to tell you just how much I love you and how you have made me happier than I ever imagined I could be then I will take it. I love you so, so much.
And because I want to up the ante on the cheese factor, I am copy pasting lyrics.
Happy Valentine's Day babe!
Love,
Sarah
"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours"
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, December 2, 2011
My man and my mocha
Geeze having sick kids is the worst! And being sick with sick kids makes it even harder. That is why I am thankful for Kyle. Yes, he has helped with the dishes and the laundry while we are all down for the count (in fact he usually does the dishes because the OCD in him hates how I load the dishwasher) but he has also gotten me Starbucks every single day I have been sick.
Why is that a big deal for me? We normally only get Starbucks on Sundays and birthdays because it's expensive and we are p-o-o-r but this week he has obliged my cravings. Why? It makes me feel better, it gives me a little bit of energy to care for the kids. Honestly, I'm not sure why it works but mochas are pure magic.
I am just so thankful to have a husband who goes out of his way to take care of me. His love really gives me the strength to be the mother I need to be to my babies. I guess it isn't really the mocha, it's that he cares enough to do what it takes to make me happy. It's that he thinks of the little things that I like.
I've been sick a lot since we got married and every single time he has honored our vows of "in sickness and in health". I couldn't be more grateful to have married someone who loves my in the tougher days and in the little ways. He always tells me what an amazing mother he thinks I am but I wouldn't be able to do it without him.
Why is that a big deal for me? We normally only get Starbucks on Sundays and birthdays because it's expensive and we are p-o-o-r but this week he has obliged my cravings. Why? It makes me feel better, it gives me a little bit of energy to care for the kids. Honestly, I'm not sure why it works but mochas are pure magic.
I am just so thankful to have a husband who goes out of his way to take care of me. His love really gives me the strength to be the mother I need to be to my babies. I guess it isn't really the mocha, it's that he cares enough to do what it takes to make me happy. It's that he thinks of the little things that I like.
I've been sick a lot since we got married and every single time he has honored our vows of "in sickness and in health". I couldn't be more grateful to have married someone who loves my in the tougher days and in the little ways. He always tells me what an amazing mother he thinks I am but I wouldn't be able to do it without him.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things I have learned about Motherhood
Motherhood has a learning curve. With each child you have you learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. You also learn about your child (I hope). Annnnnd, you learn a lot about others and the world in which we live
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sleep talking Kyle- BACK WITH A VENGEANCE
So as you know from previous posts, my husband likes to talk in his sleep. Luvs it. And it's pretty much my favorite too.
This tends to happen when he is really sleep deprived. It used to only occur when I would go into bed at night to force spoon him and catch some Zzzzs before the Milk Monster wakes me up to nurse. He would wake up, babble some nonsense, I would LOL, put up a facebook status about it, and then tease him in the morning.
WELL for the last two nights it's been a horse of a different color. If I had to describe the color of the horse it would be "crazy-messed-up-tie-died" because no single color can adequately symbolize the hilarity of "Sleep talking AND walking AND doing stuff Kyle"... or as I fondly call him, my new favorite Kyle.
Last night, 11:20. Kyle has been in bed for a few hours and I am winding down with my two good friends Detective Mac Taylor and Very Berry Martini. Kyle stumbles out of the bed room and leans against the kitchen counter. Serious looks.
Kyle- I just remembered I have twenty minutes to do the thing.
Sarah- (starting to smile but still trying to look serious. This may be good) What thing Kyle?
Kyle- I have to attach the thing to the thing on the bed.
Sarah- (Smiling broadly) What thing on the bed?
Kyle- (frustrated Kyle faces) You know, the chain! The chain or else it will fall off. I have 20 minutes!
Sarah- (fighting laughter. if I laugh he will stop talking and I want to see where this goes) I have no idea what you are talking about.
Kyle- You know!!! (getting frustrated. angry serious face) The chain on the bed. I have to do it. 20 MINUTES!
Sarah- (loses all decorum) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kyle- STOP LAUGHING! I HAVE TO GO GET IT DONE!
Sarah- (snorting, not even fighting it) HAHAHA You go do that Kyle HAHAHAHA!
A few minutes pass by and I hear shuffling in the bedroom. This can not be good.
Sarah- Kyle! Go back to sleep! You are not awake!
Kyle- Fine but it won't get done.
Sarah- That's fine, just go to sleep. (more laughing. posting on facebook followed by even more laughing. I can't wait to talk to him tomorrow)
So I had in my head that this was the greatest birthday present he could have given me. I've been sick all week, confined to the house, wiping snot off of Juliette's face and keeping Madeleine from shoving pieces of paper into the PS3. This is God's gift to Sarah.
Then, tonight... I got an encore.
Same scene. I'm on the couch, it's 12:30 and I am once again visiting with Detective Mac Taylor and a glass of water with lemon. Out comes Kyle, serious face and all.
Kyle- I have to set the alarm. What was the thing you wanted me to do before I wake up?
Sarah- (smiling. I can't believe how FUN married life can be!) Why are you setting your alarm Kyle? I didn't ask you to do anything?
Kyle- YES! I have to do the thing before I wake up.
Sarah- What thing?
Kyle-The thing you asked me to do. I have to do it before I wake up. Or else the thing.
Sarah- (OHEMGEE but still maintaining composure) I didn't ask you to do anything.
Kyle- (completely at a loss for WHY his wife does not understand) I am making perfect sense!
Sarah- Perfect sense Kyle. Go to sleep.
Kyle- grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (heads to bed)
Sarah- (waiting until door shuts) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (heads to computer to put up status and write blog post)
In short, I adore my husband. Not only is he a wonderful man when he is awake but he is endlessly entertaining in his sleep. I really do love every minute with him
This tends to happen when he is really sleep deprived. It used to only occur when I would go into bed at night to force spoon him and catch some Zzzzs before the Milk Monster wakes me up to nurse. He would wake up, babble some nonsense, I would LOL, put up a facebook status about it, and then tease him in the morning.
WELL for the last two nights it's been a horse of a different color. If I had to describe the color of the horse it would be "crazy-messed-up-tie-died" because no single color can adequately symbolize the hilarity of "Sleep talking AND walking AND doing stuff Kyle"... or as I fondly call him, my new favorite Kyle.
Last night, 11:20. Kyle has been in bed for a few hours and I am winding down with my two good friends Detective Mac Taylor and Very Berry Martini. Kyle stumbles out of the bed room and leans against the kitchen counter. Serious looks.
Kyle- I just remembered I have twenty minutes to do the thing.
Sarah- (starting to smile but still trying to look serious. This may be good) What thing Kyle?
Kyle- I have to attach the thing to the thing on the bed.
Sarah- (Smiling broadly) What thing on the bed?
Kyle- (frustrated Kyle faces) You know, the chain! The chain or else it will fall off. I have 20 minutes!
Sarah- (fighting laughter. if I laugh he will stop talking and I want to see where this goes) I have no idea what you are talking about.
Kyle- You know!!! (getting frustrated. angry serious face) The chain on the bed. I have to do it. 20 MINUTES!
Sarah- (loses all decorum) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kyle- STOP LAUGHING! I HAVE TO GO GET IT DONE!
Sarah- (snorting, not even fighting it) HAHAHA You go do that Kyle HAHAHAHA!
A few minutes pass by and I hear shuffling in the bedroom. This can not be good.
Sarah- Kyle! Go back to sleep! You are not awake!
Kyle- Fine but it won't get done.
Sarah- That's fine, just go to sleep. (more laughing. posting on facebook followed by even more laughing. I can't wait to talk to him tomorrow)
So I had in my head that this was the greatest birthday present he could have given me. I've been sick all week, confined to the house, wiping snot off of Juliette's face and keeping Madeleine from shoving pieces of paper into the PS3. This is God's gift to Sarah.
Then, tonight... I got an encore.
Same scene. I'm on the couch, it's 12:30 and I am once again visiting with Detective Mac Taylor and a glass of water with lemon. Out comes Kyle, serious face and all.
Kyle- I have to set the alarm. What was the thing you wanted me to do before I wake up?
Sarah- (smiling. I can't believe how FUN married life can be!) Why are you setting your alarm Kyle? I didn't ask you to do anything?
Kyle- YES! I have to do the thing before I wake up.
Sarah- What thing?
Kyle-The thing you asked me to do. I have to do it before I wake up. Or else the thing.
Sarah- (OHEMGEE but still maintaining composure) I didn't ask you to do anything.
Kyle- (completely at a loss for WHY his wife does not understand) I am making perfect sense!
Sarah- Perfect sense Kyle. Go to sleep.
Kyle- grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr (heads to bed)
Sarah- (waiting until door shuts) BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (heads to computer to put up status and write blog post)
In short, I adore my husband. Not only is he a wonderful man when he is awake but he is endlessly entertaining in his sleep. I really do love every minute with him
Sunday, August 21, 2011
NFP in real life
I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Friday, July 15, 2011
Four years and counting
I remember being little and wondering about what and who my future would hold for me. I think most little girls do it. We wonder what his name will be, what he will look like, how we will meet, when we will get married, and we dream that he will be the prince we've always wanted. A fairy tale is something meant to stir our inner most desires so no matter they are all about love. As women we are programmed to want to be loved and cherished and fought for. Then, somewhere along the line, many women settle. They figure if Prince William is taken than anyone will do. Or they kiss a lot of frogs and start to doubt that anything else exists. Many women don't understand that the fairy tale isn't about the castle and the ball gown, it's about finding the man who treats us like a queen.
The other problem to those stories is once women find their prince they expect happily ever after. No problems, just bliss. Fairy tales never continue past the big, joyous wedding and so the image we are left with is the joyous celebration and not the day to day monotony of life in the world. If the stories had been extended Prince Charming would leave his clothes on the bathroom floor instead of the hamper, Prince Eric would spend too much time at work, and I can guarantee that Jasmine and Aladdin would have had it out over who's turn it was to clean the tiger's litter box. It's just life.
In order to really understand what a husband should be like we have to look to Christ. At it's most basic level, we know that the husband should be willing to die for his wife. He should love her more than he love's himself. Now, Christ is perfect and no other man is, but there is no compromise on this central necessity of a husband. He must be willing to lay down his life for his wife. Most men won't have to do this in a literal sense, thank God, but there are little ways they do this in every day life, things a woman should look for in a potential spouse. Does he concede when he is wrong? Does he get you food when you aren't well? Does he work to provide for you? Is he open to life? Does he plan dates for you even if the ballet isn't exactly "his thing"? Will he watch the occasional chick flick just because you enjoy them? If he can be trusted with small matters, he can be trusted with larger ones as well. A man who is selfless is husband material and he is a prince.
We, as women, will not always be the perfect brides. The best women are strong women. We are taught that this means to be independent and strong willed. Real strength is in obedience. Just like the Blessed Mother was obedient to God's will because she knew the He loved her and even if His will wasn't completely clear to her, she knew that she could trust him. If you find a prince that is willing to die for you, you can trust him to lead you. Obedience isn't about blindly doing something stupid because you aren't smart enough to think for yourself, it's about learning self control, humility, and above all, it's about trusting in the love your spouse has for you. A holy husband looks to God for the way he should lead his family. If you marry a holy man of God, you know that his decisions are done in prayer and that you can trust him to be the head of your family. In my household we discuss almost everything together because my husband loves me and wants my input. In the end, however, he is the head of our family and I trust him. He has never led us wrong in four years and he will be the first to credit that to God, of course, but also to my help as well. I am his helper, not his manipulator. And that is so much better.
I don't have a perfect marriage, no one does, but I have one prince of a husband. He makes me feel like the beautiful princess I always dreamed of being as a little girl. In fact, when I was little, I used to write stories about my future prince. In all of those stories I named the prince Kyle. God had already written his name on my heart. In these four years of marriage I have grown in holiness because of this amazing vocation we were called to and because of the amazing man I was called to it with. And it just gets better with each child we have. I look forward to many more joyful years of marriage. From the outside, it's an ordinary life, from where I am standing... it's a fairy tale.
The other problem to those stories is once women find their prince they expect happily ever after. No problems, just bliss. Fairy tales never continue past the big, joyous wedding and so the image we are left with is the joyous celebration and not the day to day monotony of life in the world. If the stories had been extended Prince Charming would leave his clothes on the bathroom floor instead of the hamper, Prince Eric would spend too much time at work, and I can guarantee that Jasmine and Aladdin would have had it out over who's turn it was to clean the tiger's litter box. It's just life.
In order to really understand what a husband should be like we have to look to Christ. At it's most basic level, we know that the husband should be willing to die for his wife. He should love her more than he love's himself. Now, Christ is perfect and no other man is, but there is no compromise on this central necessity of a husband. He must be willing to lay down his life for his wife. Most men won't have to do this in a literal sense, thank God, but there are little ways they do this in every day life, things a woman should look for in a potential spouse. Does he concede when he is wrong? Does he get you food when you aren't well? Does he work to provide for you? Is he open to life? Does he plan dates for you even if the ballet isn't exactly "his thing"? Will he watch the occasional chick flick just because you enjoy them? If he can be trusted with small matters, he can be trusted with larger ones as well. A man who is selfless is husband material and he is a prince.
We, as women, will not always be the perfect brides. The best women are strong women. We are taught that this means to be independent and strong willed. Real strength is in obedience. Just like the Blessed Mother was obedient to God's will because she knew the He loved her and even if His will wasn't completely clear to her, she knew that she could trust him. If you find a prince that is willing to die for you, you can trust him to lead you. Obedience isn't about blindly doing something stupid because you aren't smart enough to think for yourself, it's about learning self control, humility, and above all, it's about trusting in the love your spouse has for you. A holy husband looks to God for the way he should lead his family. If you marry a holy man of God, you know that his decisions are done in prayer and that you can trust him to be the head of your family. In my household we discuss almost everything together because my husband loves me and wants my input. In the end, however, he is the head of our family and I trust him. He has never led us wrong in four years and he will be the first to credit that to God, of course, but also to my help as well. I am his helper, not his manipulator. And that is so much better.
I don't have a perfect marriage, no one does, but I have one prince of a husband. He makes me feel like the beautiful princess I always dreamed of being as a little girl. In fact, when I was little, I used to write stories about my future prince. In all of those stories I named the prince Kyle. God had already written his name on my heart. In these four years of marriage I have grown in holiness because of this amazing vocation we were called to and because of the amazing man I was called to it with. And it just gets better with each child we have. I look forward to many more joyful years of marriage. From the outside, it's an ordinary life, from where I am standing... it's a fairy tale.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Home
I've never been the type of person that has had a niche, a place where I really felt like I fit in. Growing up I was always on the outside of many different groups. I always had one or two best friends and lots of people I hung out with but I was never really on the inside. Whatever that means.
It starts with the little cliques as early as preschool and they just develop all through high school and even into college. In all that time I kept looking for a place where I could really be myself and feel like I was accepted. Looking back on my post from yesterday, I realize that this is where a lot of my insecurities stem from. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever tried that hard either. I wasn't the type of person, even from as young as three or four, that wanted to be part of a group badly enough that I would ever give up who I was or what I wanted. If I was going to play with people it would be by my rules. If they didn't want to play what I wanted to play, then I'd go it on my own.
In high school I was involved in drama and in youth group. I found people that I loved and that loved me through each of those, and I was a really happy teenager. I don't look back on high school thinking about how awful it was, I really enjoyed it, but still I am only really in close contact with two people from those days.
In college I joined a million ministries and didn't stick with anything longer than a year. I said that I wanted to try new things but in truth, wherever I was I was restless. I picked my household (kind of a Catholic sorority if you will) quickly and soon realized that I didn't fit in well there either. I loved the covenant that we lived by, it was all about suffering with Christ on the Cross in union with Our Lady, and that really struck a chord with me and how I wanted to live my life. But the girls all just seemed so different from me and I didn't feel like they understood me. And I was still restless, still looking for a place to call home.
A lot of people can't be themselves around their family but I can. It's the one place I will belt out bad karaoke and dance like an idiot. It's where I know I can argue with someone and they will love me all the same when it is over.
When Kyle and I were developing our relationship he thought it was important to meet my family before we started officially dating. I wanted him to ask my dad's permission to pursue me and he wanted to gain their approval right off the bat. He drove me home for Christmas and it was over that trip that things really progressed. I'm not even sure we were officially an item when I knew we were going to get married some day. I wasn't even in love with him yet but having him around felt like home. I didn't want to keep moving on and looking for something new. I knew that I could be me around him and I knew without a doubt that he would love me for it. I could see our relationship playing out. I knew that we would date, fall in love, get engaged, get married, have children, and grow old together.
They say once you find "the one" you know. I'd been in love before but it had never been right. My insecurities, the little parts of me that I disliked, were always being hidden. I thought that if I revealed those parts of me that it would all go away. And it always did because it was never right. That wasn't the case with Kyle. It was those very parts of me that he loved the most. The quirks and nuances that made me me were what he cherished the most. He found me captivating and I felt secure in a way I never had before.
It was because of that sureness that I was able to get married at the very young age of twenty-one without a doubt in my head. I believe that when you discover the Lord's will for your life you will be filled with peace. That is what I found when I found Kyle.
I am created for God and Kyle represents Christ to me, so it makes sense that I am home with him. He loves me, sinner that I am, and he sees all of the beautiful things about me even when I can't. It's why I trusted him enough to promise to honor and obey, because I know that he will never take advantage of that promise. He will lay down his life for me. It's that beautiful balance that Christ has with his Church that we can be blessed enough to emulate for the world.
I spent so long wondering why I felt like I never fit it. It's like this pair of shoes I bought and kept exchanging them for different sizes. I couldn't understand why none of the sizes were working. Then I bought another pair of heels, a different design, and right away I could tell that the problem with the other pair wasn't the sizes I bought. It was that those shoes just weren't designed for my feet. This new pair was perfect. Being with Kyle was like slipping on that perfect pair of heels. It just fit right away and I was able to know that because of all the stuff that hadn't.
God blessed the broken road indeed...
It starts with the little cliques as early as preschool and they just develop all through high school and even into college. In all that time I kept looking for a place where I could really be myself and feel like I was accepted. Looking back on my post from yesterday, I realize that this is where a lot of my insecurities stem from. Honestly, I'm not sure I ever tried that hard either. I wasn't the type of person, even from as young as three or four, that wanted to be part of a group badly enough that I would ever give up who I was or what I wanted. If I was going to play with people it would be by my rules. If they didn't want to play what I wanted to play, then I'd go it on my own.
In high school I was involved in drama and in youth group. I found people that I loved and that loved me through each of those, and I was a really happy teenager. I don't look back on high school thinking about how awful it was, I really enjoyed it, but still I am only really in close contact with two people from those days.
In college I joined a million ministries and didn't stick with anything longer than a year. I said that I wanted to try new things but in truth, wherever I was I was restless. I picked my household (kind of a Catholic sorority if you will) quickly and soon realized that I didn't fit in well there either. I loved the covenant that we lived by, it was all about suffering with Christ on the Cross in union with Our Lady, and that really struck a chord with me and how I wanted to live my life. But the girls all just seemed so different from me and I didn't feel like they understood me. And I was still restless, still looking for a place to call home.
A lot of people can't be themselves around their family but I can. It's the one place I will belt out bad karaoke and dance like an idiot. It's where I know I can argue with someone and they will love me all the same when it is over.
When Kyle and I were developing our relationship he thought it was important to meet my family before we started officially dating. I wanted him to ask my dad's permission to pursue me and he wanted to gain their approval right off the bat. He drove me home for Christmas and it was over that trip that things really progressed. I'm not even sure we were officially an item when I knew we were going to get married some day. I wasn't even in love with him yet but having him around felt like home. I didn't want to keep moving on and looking for something new. I knew that I could be me around him and I knew without a doubt that he would love me for it. I could see our relationship playing out. I knew that we would date, fall in love, get engaged, get married, have children, and grow old together.
They say once you find "the one" you know. I'd been in love before but it had never been right. My insecurities, the little parts of me that I disliked, were always being hidden. I thought that if I revealed those parts of me that it would all go away. And it always did because it was never right. That wasn't the case with Kyle. It was those very parts of me that he loved the most. The quirks and nuances that made me me were what he cherished the most. He found me captivating and I felt secure in a way I never had before.
It was because of that sureness that I was able to get married at the very young age of twenty-one without a doubt in my head. I believe that when you discover the Lord's will for your life you will be filled with peace. That is what I found when I found Kyle.
I am created for God and Kyle represents Christ to me, so it makes sense that I am home with him. He loves me, sinner that I am, and he sees all of the beautiful things about me even when I can't. It's why I trusted him enough to promise to honor and obey, because I know that he will never take advantage of that promise. He will lay down his life for me. It's that beautiful balance that Christ has with his Church that we can be blessed enough to emulate for the world.
I spent so long wondering why I felt like I never fit it. It's like this pair of shoes I bought and kept exchanging them for different sizes. I couldn't understand why none of the sizes were working. Then I bought another pair of heels, a different design, and right away I could tell that the problem with the other pair wasn't the sizes I bought. It was that those shoes just weren't designed for my feet. This new pair was perfect. Being with Kyle was like slipping on that perfect pair of heels. It just fit right away and I was able to know that because of all the stuff that hadn't.
God blessed the broken road indeed...
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
In God's hands
When people used to ask me how many kids I wanted I used to say, "Four." Now, I'm not sure what to say. I'm 25 and have two daughters but that isn't what gives me pause. It's because I have no idea what God's will is for us and I don't want to answer for Him.
Almost a year after Kyle and I got married we were living in his home town of Houston, Texas and I was getting homesick for my family and for the northeast. I wasn't having much luck in the job department either. With a double major in Theology and Catechetics I was obviously looking for something within my field and was coming up with nothing. I spent the first few months of our marriage teaching preschool until I contracted mono and consequently ended up being forced out of that position and took a job at one of my favorite retail chains where I spent more money on clothes than I made.
The whole time a applied for every job within my field that became available but it just wasn't happening. Houston is one of those places where you have to know the right people and we didn't. Fortunately for us, when we decide to look outside of Texas, my mom did. I was hired as a youth minister at a small parish in Massachusetts and we were scheduled to move shortly before our one year anniversary.
With the knowledge on impending employment we decided to be a little bit more relaxed with our practice of NFP and therefore became pregnant right away. Except I didn't know it. I went to a Life Teen training retreat where I thought I got my period but even through that the whole time I had this feeling that something was off. I got home, my period went away, but I continued to have light spotting. After about a week of that we decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was pregnant but something was wrong.
Blood tests confirmed that my HCG levels were rising but not as they should have and the doctors were unable to locate a baby in my uterus. They told me to wait, I waited a week, and one Saturday night in June I was rushed to the hospital in the most intense pain of my life.
With this ultrasound they found our baby but he was not where he should be. It was an ectopic pregnancy and I was schedule for surgery as soon as possible. We consulted a priest friend of ours who we trust for orthodoxy and prayer and realized the only way this could be done and still preserve the dignity of the life of our unborn child would mean the loss of one of my fallopian tubes. I received the anointing of the sick, made my confession, and stayed a sleepless night in the hospital with my husband and mother-in-law by my side. It was the worst night of my life.
After the surgery I was obviously happy to still be alive but I was broken in every way possible. I was in incredible physical pain and even worse emotional pain. I spent the next week in bed sobbing as Kyle held me and my in-laws packed up our apartment to move. We had lost that first child that we had created and half of my fertility. I had always wanted to have children, for as long as I can remember that is all I wanted to do with my life. I had stuffed pillows in my shirt at two, pretended to breastfeed my stuffed animals at three, played house, thought of names, imagined everything about it and it was like all those dreams were slipping through my fingers. In one night I had to come to terms with my own mortality, I could have died if we hadn't gone in and waited like my doctor had told me to do, and the idea that I could lose my future too.
I went though the stages of grief, one by one. Denial, what I had been in until I was rushed into surgery. Anger, at all of those people who complained about their pregnancies and about their children. Didn't they know how lucky they were? Bargaining, Just give me one baby God. Just one. Depression, that one lasted the longest.
And then finally, one September night, acceptance. It had been months that I couldn't drive past a Babies R Us without tearing up. That night, as I passed it on my way home I decided to pull in. I just needed to be there. As I walked around the isles by myself I prayed and talked to the little baby we had lost. I told him that I loved him and I couldn't wait to meet him someday in heaven and that I wanted him to intercede for us before God so that he could have a sibling.
I don't know if I already was, or if it happened that night, or maybe in the nights that followed, but it was about two weeks later that I took another pregnancy test and it was positive again. That day I knew that God's plan was unfolding in a beautiful way.
My pregnancy was extremely difficult but I made it a point not to complain. See, too many people don't get my happy ending. I have two beautiful babies and so many people never even get one. How can I complain about something so amazing? Motherhood is supposed to challenge us, that's how we become purified for Christ, and why shouldn't it start right at the beginning in our first trimester. I was so thankful for the sickness, I swear I would throw up and just praise God because I couldn't believe that I was having a baby. It was a constant reminder of God's abundant MERCY.
Madeleine was born one year to the day from when we lost our first sweet baby, who I named David. God makes all things new.
There are still times that I mourn for our loss but I know deep down that this is the way God intended it to be. Without that loss I wouldn't have that same appreciation for the difficult times of motherhood, just like without knowledge of our sinfulness we cannot appreciate God's MERCY and forgiveness. We have a child in heaven interceding for us and Madeleine in our arms to show us God's love here on earth.
The other blessing of that time was Kyle. I had obviously been in love with him before, I married him after all, but our love was taken to a whole new level through this trial of faith. Kyle laid down his life to take care of me day after day. He carried me to Christ when he himself was broken by grief. We held each other and learned to trust each other more than we ever had before. I could see Christ in him more clearly and it was so beautiful. That is what marriage is all about. That is why I married that man. So he could be Christ to me.
So when people ask me how many kids I want I have to tell them that it isn't in my hands. I know full well that something could happen and I could not be able to give birth again. I know that I have many fertile years ahead of me and don't exactly have the best grasp on NFP. And I know that God's plan is so much better than mine so I had better trust Him.
For now, I'll enjoy my husband and our two beautiful daughters. I'm not in any rush right now. But I also keep some baby names in the back of my mind... just in case.
Sweet baby David, pray for us.
Almost a year after Kyle and I got married we were living in his home town of Houston, Texas and I was getting homesick for my family and for the northeast. I wasn't having much luck in the job department either. With a double major in Theology and Catechetics I was obviously looking for something within my field and was coming up with nothing. I spent the first few months of our marriage teaching preschool until I contracted mono and consequently ended up being forced out of that position and took a job at one of my favorite retail chains where I spent more money on clothes than I made.
The whole time a applied for every job within my field that became available but it just wasn't happening. Houston is one of those places where you have to know the right people and we didn't. Fortunately for us, when we decide to look outside of Texas, my mom did. I was hired as a youth minister at a small parish in Massachusetts and we were scheduled to move shortly before our one year anniversary.
With the knowledge on impending employment we decided to be a little bit more relaxed with our practice of NFP and therefore became pregnant right away. Except I didn't know it. I went to a Life Teen training retreat where I thought I got my period but even through that the whole time I had this feeling that something was off. I got home, my period went away, but I continued to have light spotting. After about a week of that we decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was pregnant but something was wrong.
Blood tests confirmed that my HCG levels were rising but not as they should have and the doctors were unable to locate a baby in my uterus. They told me to wait, I waited a week, and one Saturday night in June I was rushed to the hospital in the most intense pain of my life.
With this ultrasound they found our baby but he was not where he should be. It was an ectopic pregnancy and I was schedule for surgery as soon as possible. We consulted a priest friend of ours who we trust for orthodoxy and prayer and realized the only way this could be done and still preserve the dignity of the life of our unborn child would mean the loss of one of my fallopian tubes. I received the anointing of the sick, made my confession, and stayed a sleepless night in the hospital with my husband and mother-in-law by my side. It was the worst night of my life.
After the surgery I was obviously happy to still be alive but I was broken in every way possible. I was in incredible physical pain and even worse emotional pain. I spent the next week in bed sobbing as Kyle held me and my in-laws packed up our apartment to move. We had lost that first child that we had created and half of my fertility. I had always wanted to have children, for as long as I can remember that is all I wanted to do with my life. I had stuffed pillows in my shirt at two, pretended to breastfeed my stuffed animals at three, played house, thought of names, imagined everything about it and it was like all those dreams were slipping through my fingers. In one night I had to come to terms with my own mortality, I could have died if we hadn't gone in and waited like my doctor had told me to do, and the idea that I could lose my future too.
I went though the stages of grief, one by one. Denial, what I had been in until I was rushed into surgery. Anger, at all of those people who complained about their pregnancies and about their children. Didn't they know how lucky they were? Bargaining, Just give me one baby God. Just one. Depression, that one lasted the longest.
And then finally, one September night, acceptance. It had been months that I couldn't drive past a Babies R Us without tearing up. That night, as I passed it on my way home I decided to pull in. I just needed to be there. As I walked around the isles by myself I prayed and talked to the little baby we had lost. I told him that I loved him and I couldn't wait to meet him someday in heaven and that I wanted him to intercede for us before God so that he could have a sibling.
I don't know if I already was, or if it happened that night, or maybe in the nights that followed, but it was about two weeks later that I took another pregnancy test and it was positive again. That day I knew that God's plan was unfolding in a beautiful way.
My pregnancy was extremely difficult but I made it a point not to complain. See, too many people don't get my happy ending. I have two beautiful babies and so many people never even get one. How can I complain about something so amazing? Motherhood is supposed to challenge us, that's how we become purified for Christ, and why shouldn't it start right at the beginning in our first trimester. I was so thankful for the sickness, I swear I would throw up and just praise God because I couldn't believe that I was having a baby. It was a constant reminder of God's abundant MERCY.
Madeleine was born one year to the day from when we lost our first sweet baby, who I named David. God makes all things new.
There are still times that I mourn for our loss but I know deep down that this is the way God intended it to be. Without that loss I wouldn't have that same appreciation for the difficult times of motherhood, just like without knowledge of our sinfulness we cannot appreciate God's MERCY and forgiveness. We have a child in heaven interceding for us and Madeleine in our arms to show us God's love here on earth.
The other blessing of that time was Kyle. I had obviously been in love with him before, I married him after all, but our love was taken to a whole new level through this trial of faith. Kyle laid down his life to take care of me day after day. He carried me to Christ when he himself was broken by grief. We held each other and learned to trust each other more than we ever had before. I could see Christ in him more clearly and it was so beautiful. That is what marriage is all about. That is why I married that man. So he could be Christ to me.
So when people ask me how many kids I want I have to tell them that it isn't in my hands. I know full well that something could happen and I could not be able to give birth again. I know that I have many fertile years ahead of me and don't exactly have the best grasp on NFP. And I know that God's plan is so much better than mine so I had better trust Him.
For now, I'll enjoy my husband and our two beautiful daughters. I'm not in any rush right now. But I also keep some baby names in the back of my mind... just in case.
Sweet baby David, pray for us.
Monday, April 18, 2011
My boy
I don't really understand what goes through the minds of husbands. Husbands, mine at least, seem to expect you to pull an answer to the most random of questions out of your butt at the drop of a hat.
For instance, tonight Kyle was trying to locate his suit jacket. The conversation went something like this
K- Where is my suit jacket?
S- I have no idea. Where did you see it last?
K- I have no idea! Where is it?
S- I just said I don't know
K- No but do you have any idea of where it is?
S- No.
K- Where is it. Can you give me an idea?
S- If I had any idea I would have told you. I can't give you an idea because I don't know
This went on for an hour until he finally located the jacket. Then the conversation went like this
K- Is there a place in Houston I can get my suit dry cleaned tomorrow when I get there?
S- I have no idea. Didn't you live there ALL YOUR LIFE.
K- Yes but I am a helpless male and I depend upon YOU to keep me organized and functioning and fed.
... okay. It didn't go exactly like that but you get the basic idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of my husband. It's sounds stupid but nothing makes me happier than making him happy. When he loves a meal I made for him, I am thrilled. I get pleasure out of how pleased he is when I organize his clothes. BUT HOW can he stand in front of the fridge and yell to me in the other room, "Where is the mayo?" I have no idea where the mayo is Kyle. Try looking around.
When people asked my mom if she was upset that she had given birth to four girls and no boys she used to respond. "Oh I got the boy first. That's how I got the girls." Now I understand. Sometimes have a husband is like having a 6 foot 2 child. He has no idea how to feed himself like my oldest and loves boobs like my youngest (albeit in a much different way).
So Kyle, if you are reading this. I love you. With all my heart. But the next time you can't find the mayo maybe just move the other condiments around before asking. It's there.
For instance, tonight Kyle was trying to locate his suit jacket. The conversation went something like this
K- Where is my suit jacket?
S- I have no idea. Where did you see it last?
K- I have no idea! Where is it?
S- I just said I don't know
K- No but do you have any idea of where it is?
S- No.
K- Where is it. Can you give me an idea?
S- If I had any idea I would have told you. I can't give you an idea because I don't know
This went on for an hour until he finally located the jacket. Then the conversation went like this
K- Is there a place in Houston I can get my suit dry cleaned tomorrow when I get there?
S- I have no idea. Didn't you live there ALL YOUR LIFE.
K- Yes but I am a helpless male and I depend upon YOU to keep me organized and functioning and fed.
... okay. It didn't go exactly like that but you get the basic idea.
Don't get me wrong, I love taking care of my husband. It's sounds stupid but nothing makes me happier than making him happy. When he loves a meal I made for him, I am thrilled. I get pleasure out of how pleased he is when I organize his clothes. BUT HOW can he stand in front of the fridge and yell to me in the other room, "Where is the mayo?" I have no idea where the mayo is Kyle. Try looking around.
When people asked my mom if she was upset that she had given birth to four girls and no boys she used to respond. "Oh I got the boy first. That's how I got the girls." Now I understand. Sometimes have a husband is like having a 6 foot 2 child. He has no idea how to feed himself like my oldest and loves boobs like my youngest (albeit in a much different way).
So Kyle, if you are reading this. I love you. With all my heart. But the next time you can't find the mayo maybe just move the other condiments around before asking. It's there.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
When the day just calls for a little Bailey's
Last night, like many nights, I didn't get to bed until 2 in the morning. Once upon a time, when we lived in our old apartment, getting the kids to bed was a simple and easy task.
Step 1- Pick Madeleine up
Step 2- Put her in her crib
Step 3- Enjoy
Juliette would fall asleep shortly thereafter with a little nursing and a good swaddle and then momma behr would enjoy the peace and quiet and maybe even a shower.
Now, in our new apartment, the little Behrs are not adjusted as well from the confusion of the move, etc. and the process of bedtime goes a little more like this
Step 1- Beg
Step 2- Plead
Step 3- Bribe
Step 4- Cry in a fetal position as Madeleine and Juliette stay up for the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
As much as I love my girls, as much as I enjoy spending time with them, those moments after they had gone to bed and I had the apartment to myself were such a comfort to me. And now they have been ripped away from me by tiny fingers.
Today was a long day to begin with involving a two hour round trip to meet my sister halfway between our homes to give her back her tennis racket and culminating in an argument with the Daddy Behr about where the storage boxes should go and how many will fit in the basement.
So tonight, I am taking it easy. Juliette is on my lap, Madeleine in one arm and I can tell there are getting tired. Soon (hopefully) I will be enjoying Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks. But for now, instead of games, we are enjoying purely speculative programs about the upcoming Royal Nuptials.
I may be up late tonight, I may not get a shower, but I will fall asleep peaceful. Most days I try to be a perfect mother but tonight, I'm just trying to be a sane one. And tomorrow I will begin on working them into a normal routine once again.
Still, with all my complaining, I know that a few hours after her little auburn haired head hits the pillow I will miss my little monkey and all I will be able to think about will be waking up and loving her all day tomorrow.
Step 1- Pick Madeleine up
Step 2- Put her in her crib
Step 3- Enjoy
Juliette would fall asleep shortly thereafter with a little nursing and a good swaddle and then momma behr would enjoy the peace and quiet and maybe even a shower.
Now, in our new apartment, the little Behrs are not adjusted as well from the confusion of the move, etc. and the process of bedtime goes a little more like this
Step 1- Beg
Step 2- Plead
Step 3- Bribe
Step 4- Cry in a fetal position as Madeleine and Juliette stay up for the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.
As much as I love my girls, as much as I enjoy spending time with them, those moments after they had gone to bed and I had the apartment to myself were such a comfort to me. And now they have been ripped away from me by tiny fingers.
Today was a long day to begin with involving a two hour round trip to meet my sister halfway between our homes to give her back her tennis racket and culminating in an argument with the Daddy Behr about where the storage boxes should go and how many will fit in the basement.
So tonight, I am taking it easy. Juliette is on my lap, Madeleine in one arm and I can tell there are getting tired. Soon (hopefully) I will be enjoying Bailey's Irish Cream on the rocks. But for now, instead of games, we are enjoying purely speculative programs about the upcoming Royal Nuptials.
I may be up late tonight, I may not get a shower, but I will fall asleep peaceful. Most days I try to be a perfect mother but tonight, I'm just trying to be a sane one. And tomorrow I will begin on working them into a normal routine once again.
Still, with all my complaining, I know that a few hours after her little auburn haired head hits the pillow I will miss my little monkey and all I will be able to think about will be waking up and loving her all day tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Three years ago today
It seems almost impossible to remember life before Madeleine, let alone life being I was married to Kyle. My whole life before July 14th, 2007 was preparation for the greatest adventure of my life, becoming Mrs Kyle Behrend.
My house is filled with pictures from that day, the wedding video relives the sounds and sights, but what I remember most from that day was the feeling of peace that came over me as I pledged my life and love to my husband. People that think God has nothing to do with marriage have themselves fooled. Only God could have been capable of giving so much love and joy and then, multiplying it in these short years that have followed.
I got married at age twenty-one and thus began the never-ending barrage of comments about my life decisions. When I got married, when I had my first baby, now when I am having my second baby. What people don't understand, and probably won't understand until Kyle and I are celebrating our golden anniversary, is that we did not make the decision to marry lightly. We put in a lot of thought and prayer and ultimately entrusted our decision to the Lord. Since then, we have not looked back and we never will.
While we pray together every day we are far from saints and like all married couples we get in heated arguments and occasionally want to tear each others' hair out. The difference between us and many married couples is that we don't put ourselves first, or at least we strive not to. We recognize that the reason most marriages fall apart is that people are selfish and unwilling to compromise. Marriage doesn't work unless you put God first and your spouse second. When you are each looking out for the best of the other person and lifting conflicts up to God in prayer, the best thing for the couple will surely be the outcome. We care way too much about each other and our children to live any differently.
Marriage is not easy and that's why so many people give up and why it is so important to find a spouse who is as willing to work hard for the rest of their lives as you are. There won't always be mushy gushy feelings, there won't always be laughter, we have already experienced several tragedies in our short time as husband and wife. True love, love founded in Christ, ensures that through it all there will always be joy in the cross and a light to guide you through. And the beautiful thing about marriage is that while all people go through tragedies, I have an amazing partner with whom I can weather any storm.
Marriage is amazing. Kyle is my best friend, the only person who fully understands me and with whom I can be myself. I am blessed by the gift he is in my life and the love he showers upon me even in my cranky pregnant days. I am thankful for him giving me the gift of motherhood and for the wonderful father he is to Madeleine and will be to Juliette as well.
Thank you Lord for three beautiful years and hopefully many more to come.
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