Seven Quick Takes- I slept last night!

1. The part of being sick where you have to watch your kids suffer, not get any sleep, and spend a ton of money on doctor's visits and prescriptions is no fun. The part where they recover and sleep 13-14 hours at night to make up for what they lost is positively delightful. I think if I showered I might actually feel like a normal person for the first time in... weeks!

2. I swear I feed my kids, I SWEAR it. But yesterday I found Juliette face down on the ground licking up a piece of old banana. It was one of those moments that if we were in public I'd be all like, "Weeeird where is that kids mom."

See! Proof that I feed her (mashed up bananas! super healthy!) AND that she sleeps! All in one neat little photograph.

3. I've learned a new form of exercise that you don't have to leave the house or put on a DVD for. You lie back, hoist your toddler up on your legs, and pretend she is an airplane. It provides lots of entertainment and giggles and leaves your legs with a wicked burn afterwords.

4. My sister is coming in from college for her spring break so we will be heading down to my parent's house this weekend. I found a Groupon for a photo shoot at JC Penny so (yet again, because it's not like we just did this at Christmas) I can document the crud out of their younger years. I would say, "Sorry kids." but since each of them pose like they are competing for the cover of Baby Vogue so really, this is a treat for all of us! And I will be putting the pictures up on her ASAP.

5. Speaking of my sister, she currently attends Franciscan University and was asked by Stella Mariae household to be part of their lip sync by channeling her inner Taylor Swift since she is a dead ringer for the country-pop icon. If you forward to about the 4 minute 30 second mark you'll get to see her rock her part. I'm so proud of her because as an introvert being up in front of crowds is not her thing and she did an amazing job.

6. Just a friendly reminder-
I think that according to NFP and one of those nifty online due date calculators, next week might be the last week to make your efforts. But ya know, it would be pretty cool.

7. I really, really, really love my family. God is so, so incredibly good to have given me such an amazing husband and such beautiful daughters. I feel like I write this all the time but really it's that His goodness leaves me in awe every single day.

For more fun go to http://www.conversiondiary.com/!

Heart on the line

I'm assuming most people with larger families have gotten comments about how many children they have. Being a NFP practicing Catholic I have been prepared for that. It only amazed me that the comments started when I was pregnant with my second.

As I begin to wean Juliette the topic of a third child has come up more than once. And of course it would. We do not use contraceptives to artificially control the size of our family so every, single cycle we have to come together as a couple and decided whether or not we want to add another little blessing to our brood. It's isn't a hassle, not even close to what I imagine comes with remembering to take a pill every day, and in fact it strengthens our marriage and allows us and GOD to be in control of our fertility, not us and our gynocologist.

So I, a woman and a Catholic American, choose to forgo contraceptives and be open to life in my marriage. So why in the world is that so darn offensive to others?

I have found that because I do not take a pill every day (or every month in some cases) that I am looked at by other people as simple, oppressed, neglectful, and to some extremists, downright dangerous.

I adore my children. Adore them. Sometimes it makes me cry to realize that other people, perfect strangers, look at them (probably moreso at my future children since I've had my ecologically and economically responsible two already) and see dollar signs.

I am not walking up to people on the pill and telling them the risks involved, both physically and morally, not to mention the statistics of increased rates of divorce for couples practicing contraception, and getting involved in their family planning.

And yes, there is a difference between that and those of us fighting to protect the unborn children. We are fighting for life, to save those with no voices from death. The people pushing pills on me are fighting to prevent life.

I am a relatively healthy 26 year old woman. I have rough pregnancies, I gain weight, I lose muscle. I give birth, I lose weight, I work out. I am in no danger of death or even significant health issues from being pregnant, although it's entirely likely that I may be confined to a couch towards the end. Somehow though, I think that when my kids look back they won't remember the couple of weeks mommy couldn't chase them at the park but they will have a beautiful sibling who is giving them a lifetime of love instead.

A few weeks, or even months, for a life time of love and friendship? I think it's worth it.

I understand that non-Catholic culture is different. I understand that people worry about my finances and my health. I accept and even appreciate those concerns. My husband and I are adults. We are responsible enough to weigh the pros and cons ourselves and come to our own conclusions.

What if Kyle looses his job? What if the new baby is particularly challenging? What if Juliette does not adapt well? What if, what if, what if....

What if I have another ectopic pregnancy and lose my ability to have children? What if my progesterone continues to get lower with age and I have trouble maintaining pregnancies? Those are the what-ifs I am concerned about.

I grew up in a family with four children. My sisters did more to make me a good person, an intelligent person, a well rounded person, a selfless person, a hard working, and a charitable person than any other areas of my upbringing save my parents and my faith. They are essential parts to who I am today and they are the reasons I want to have a large family.

When I think of raising my children with "all the right advantages for the future" that's what I am thinking about. I'm thinking about Lauren and Hannah and Carly. I can only teach my children so much. They will be able to be witnesses to each other. And to my fellow catechetics majors, "Modern man listens more willingly to witnesses than he does to teachers." (Cite that quote for 1 million fake moneys)

I won't even get into the health risks of the pill in this post, I'm not going to cite Church doctrine, I'm not going to link to articles about how NFP strengthens the family unit. Honestly, I could but I'm not because defending my beliefs isn't the point of this post. I'm trying to defend my right to believe them. It makes sense that my Domestic Church (my family) would feel attacked by our decision to not use contraceptives at the same time the Holy Mother Church is being attacked for her decision that She cannot and will not provide contraceptives in her religious institutions.

Mother Church, I feel very united with you. Your strength gives me the strength to stand firm in my beliefs and to pray through my struggles with how the world perceives me.

My heart was very troubled tonight and I was feeling both sad and anxious. I had been feeling very open to life and lately people have been causing me to doubt, not the wisdom of the Church but my own discernment of my child spacing. I had to stay home with the kids but I kept picturing myself doing what I would have done back at Franciscan. I would have run down to the chapel and just laid at the feet of the altar with my rosary beads and asked Him to take it all. It came time to pray the Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary with my darling husband before he went to bed and, I kid you not, this was the passage for the day.

When a certain anxious person, who often times wavered between hope and fear, once overcome with sadness, threw himself upon the ground in prayer, before one of the altars in the Church and thinking these things in his mind, said "Oh, if I only knew how to persevere," that very instant he heard within him, this heavenly answer: "And if thou didst know this, what would thou do? Do now what you would do, and thou shall be perfectly secure." And immediately being consoled, and comforted, he committed himself to the Divine Will, and his anxious thoughts ceased. He no longer wished for curious things; searching to find out what would happen to him, but studied rather to learn what was the acceptable and perfect will of God for the beginning and the perfection of every good work.
Imitation of Christ, by Thomas á Kempis: Book 1, Chapter 25
On the Fervent Amendment of our Whole Life

I could spend my life wondering what would happen to me if I have another baby or I could be open to life and seek to surrender myself entirely to the perfect will of God. I am secure in entrusting myself and my family to God. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.

Things I have learned about Motherhood

Motherhood has a learning curve. With each child you have you learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. You also learn about your child (I hope). Annnnnd, you learn a lot about others and the world in which we live

1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.

2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.

3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.

4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.

5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.

6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.

7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.

8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.

9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.

10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.

That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.

Things I wish I could say when

I'm really cranky today so this is the beginning to a long list of things I wish I could respond to people when they ask me really obnoxious questions.

Marriage

Why I got married so young?
Because we were "waiting" for marriage and didn't want to "wait" too long

Why didn't we just live together first?
Because statistically speaking, living together increases your chance of divorce by 50 percent and we didn't like those odds.

Do I feel like I am missing out on anything by being a young wife and mother?
What? Getting drunk and having no memories of doing it? Trotting along trying to find "the one" when along I had found him in college and had lost him because I decided it was too young to get married. No, if I had not gotten married I would have missed out on the love of my life and my two sweet girls. That would be way worse than any vacation, pay increase, or party.

Pregnancy

Were you trying?
Well, after watching a lot of CSI I have decided to categorize pregnancy in degrees, like how they categorize murders. After all, deciding to have another baby is kind of like stabbing mother earth in the chest.
Pregnancy is the first degree is one you've tried for. Pregnancy in the second degree is a result of an act of passion that was not previously planned upon. Pregnancy in the third degree is what happens when I'm just super duper fertile and I end up pregnant from just ironing Kyle's pants. I'll let you guess which degree the baby is.

You know what causes that, right?
Crap! I knew Kyle and I were hugging wrong.

Why don't you just use birth control?
Because not only is it against my faith but it's also against my ideas of self preservation. I really don't want to take anything that will increase my likelihood of cancer or whatever bad side effect would come from my using it. NFP is the green way of avoiding pregnancy.

How are you feeling?
Like crap. But I'm not going to complain because I know how many women would do anything to be pregnant. It would be an insult to them to do anything else except say "praise God" for anything pregnancy brings me.

You must be having a ..... because ........
Wrong. You are so wrong. It's a girl.

Can I touch your belly?
No. Now go bring me a sandwich.

You look huge! You must be due soon!
No. I have three months to go. Now run fast or I will use my gigantic belly as a weapon against you.

Are you sure there is just one baby in there?
You know what? I'm not even going to respond to that question. I'm just going to slap you.

Are you going naturally?
No. Because I feel no need to put myself through that for bragging rights. That may not be why you do it, but it is the only reason I could think of for me to do it. You do your own thing and more power to you if you do it without drugs. But I love my epidurals. And until my babies don't have perfect APGAR scores you have no right to judge how I give birth. I'll be well rested and glowing in my afterbirth pictures. I offered up sufferings for nine months. This day is going to be about pure joy instead.

After Birth

Are you done now?
It's up to God. But if you can get it in writing from him that I should only have two kids then I'll have a conversation with you about this. Until then, it's only a discussion between myself, my husband, and the Big Guy upstairs.... and sometimes my mother.

Are you going to go on birth control now?
No. Please stop asking. It's super uncomfortable to discuss this with people.

So... you are just staying at home.
Yup. I'm hoping that being home with my kids all day will make me reaaal dumb and out of touch with society so I eventually resent them. It can't possibly be that I enjoy being with my babies all day every day.

You don't want to end up with like SIX KIDS right?
Actually, that's exactly what I want. In fact, I'd be completely overjoyed with six. Or more. But I must be a crazy lady who thinks Adam and Eve rode around on dinosaurs or something to want that many kids.

You must get bored at home all day
I just laughed so hard I think I peed a little.

7 Quick Takes- Volume Two

We've had a big week here at the Behr cave so I'm not sure how quick these quick takes will be... but here it is anyway.

1. I joined a gym! Even though I've lost the baby weight from both girls I still need to gather my strength for the next time (God willing! Whenever that may be...) The personal trainer asked me my goals for my workout routine. After first joking that my goal was to have Pippa's bottom (well, half joking really) I told him that I have a two year old and a nine month old and I want to be healthy in case I get pregnant again. Poor trainer thought I was joking. That's life with NFP, always preparing for next time.

2. I went to the dentist! Okay so this may not be big news to most people but I haven't been in like three years. So my teeth are super white and I'm even flossing. Go me!

3. The biggest news of the week by far... MADELEINE WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY! Oh, we had a celebration that involved affirmative words, clapping, waking up daddy, calling the relatives, and COOKIES! It was so fun that Madeleine has spent much of today just sitting on the toilet with a book hoping it will happen again. I am so proud of my little girl!

4. But it wasn't all fun and games on the potty this week. While I brought in the groceries this week the girls decided to use my distraction to their advantage. After the last trip back and forth I heard giggling coming from the bathroom. The girls were standing at the toilet, elbow deep in toilet water, splashing each other. The thing is, Juliette was the bad influence there. Madeleine would never DREAM of doing such a thing on her own but her mischievous little baby sister is just the type... ohhh Juliette my pet.

5. On Wednesday night I introduced Madeleine to Barney on DVD and Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. was she impressed. She woke up the next morning yelling, "Moooooom! Watch Barn! Watch Barn!" And when I finally put a Barney DVD on the TV later that day she ran around the room SCREAMING, "OHHH GOSH BARN!!! YAY!!! OH GOSH OH GOSH BARN!!!" On the plus side I got a lot of cleaning done during that DVD. On the negative, the songs are stuck in my head and won't get out. Prayers are appreciated

6. Juliette had her nine month check up this week. She is 19 lbs, 3.5 oz, and 29 1/2 inches of dinosaur fun. Today the little monkey learned how to climb. She scaled her princess chair and attempted to get a cheerio off of the china cabinet that I had previously taken away from her. Tricksy, tricksy baby girl.

7. And today we got a NEW COUCH! It's a very early Christmas present but it is leather, has back support, and has never been peed on. So major upgrade from what we have now. It will be delivered next week.

Well, that's all this week. I hope you enjoyed my adventures as much as I did.

NFP in real life

I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.

Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.

We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.

My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.

I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.

When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that

Controversial or just Catholic

Sometimes I feel a litte bit alone in the world. Most of my decisions about life are controversial. Some of them because they go completely against the grain of what is considered "normal" such as getting married at 21, using Natural Family Planning instead of birth control, being pro-life, being pro-traditional marriage, planning on having many homeschooled babies, and really, basically being an orthodox Catholic. Other things are controversial because the people who disagree with me on them tend to be very opinionated. I vaccinate my children, I love me some epidural, I cloth diaper, I stay at home with my kids all day every day, I don't start potty training until my kids shows signs they are ready, and I let Madeleine watch TV for short periods before she was two. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be, but with all that controversy, with people coming at you from all sides telling you what you are doing as a mother/wife/woman etc is wrong, how do you develop convictions and hold to them without attacking others in the same breath?

I want to talk about the controversy caused by the first set of things I discussed, the things that go against the grain of society and not just my close set of friends. I don't believe in moral relativity. Not at all. I believe that when it comes to the important things (such as being pro-life, marriage being between a man and a woman, and not using contraception) there is a right and a wrong and I believe that through the teachings of the Catholic Church, it is very clear. I feel blessed to be brought up in a family that taught me right from wrong. I'm glad that they taught me that the right way isn't always the easy way but that the struggles and sacrifice are always worth it in the end. I know that I have to hold myself up to a higher standard than I do anyone else because I can't call anyone on when I know that I am falling in a similar area. But with moral relativity being so predominant in our culture it seems like there is never a good time to share your beliefs with others. It's considered rude. I don't like people coming up to me telling me what I am doing is wrong and yet I know that I am called to evangelize and many people see evangelization as just being nosy.

This is the conclusion I've come to. I have to let the wisdom of the Catholic Church and the Holy Spirit be my guide and I have to live my life as the best example I can because when worldly ways fail someone they are going to be searching for another way and I want to be a light to show them the path to Christ. I want our family to be a beacon of what the Church is all about and our joy and peace to speak for me. I'll always be willing to give my witness in words... I was in fact a catechetics major, but unless I live a good ife it really won't do any good. So I'm going to be the best Catholic I can be, raise my lovely babies to do the same, and just pray that God will use our example to touch just one person. That would be so wonderful.