I often get asked the question, "So are you JUST a stay at home mom right now?" Sometimes that question is followed up by support and well wishes... sometimes I get a really super cool, "Oh I would never be able to do that. I need to be able to use my brain." Or something like that.
Okay people, stay at home moms are not some lesser form of mother. True, sometimes I don't know what day of the week it is and I often cannot form complete sentences... but those are from sleep deprivation. Not a lowering of brain cells. I read, I write, I travel, I calculate the tip when we go out to eat, I keep a budget, I pay bills, I explore the outdoors, I socialize, I MULTIFIRCKINTASK like it's nobody's business, I teach... in fact I use my degree quite often when I teach my children about God.
There are crazy judgements going both ways, I know that some people give working moms a hard time and SHAME on them for doing that. I have nothing but respect for working moms. Not all moms are called to do things the same way.
But, to provide a little insight into why I want to be at home...
When I was growing up all I wanted to be (once I got over the whole dolphin trainer thing) was a mommy. I know it may be politically incorrect or whatever but there has never really been anything else that I have deeply desired to do with my life. (I say "anything else", like it isn't enough, a little tongue and cheek because I believe motherhood is one of the most important jobs in the world).
When I went to college I obviously went with a thirst for knowledge and the desire for a great education (and with my Theology and Catechetics degrees, a desire for a deeper understanding of God) but I always had a hard time picturing myself in a career. It's not because I'm not "independent" or because I wanted someone else to support me so I could stay home. It's because my desired "career path" came with no pay check and honestly required no degree at all. I knew that there was an array of jobs I would be very happy doing but I am very joyful that I was called to my vocation as young as I was.
It's a common topic among Catholic (and I assume all) moms, whether at not staying at home is "fulfilling".
It may be my experience working while Madeleine was a newborn, but I spent those six months desiring nothing more than to just be able to devote myself fully to my baby. I had a wonderful job in the Church and a beautiful little daughter but I felt so torn and lost. Actually, now that I think about it, it may be that desire to give myself fully combined with my ridiculous ADD that makes me know that I'm not really cut out to be a working mom.
And it's not that I think that working moms can't give themselves fully to their jobs and to their families. Many working moms pull it off with grace. I, however, am not that talented.
So really, to the point of all of this, I love being a stay at home mother. It is my heart's desire. I am blessed to have a husband who supports and cherishes my role in the home. I am also blessed that our finances allow him to be the sole bread winner.
There are a lot of times when I feel burnt out by it all. Being a mother isn't the easiest job in the world. It requires you to be on call and alert at all times. And once again, I only have two kids who aren't even school age yet!
Some days I feel empowered. I feel like the most wonderful mommy in the world. Madeleine is counting and showing me how she knows her shapes, Juliette is happy and playing with her sister, we all get to bathe, I cook an amazing meal, the dishes are done, and I just feel super.
Other days my mantra is "just stay alive". I plop the kids in front of Barney for 20 minutes with the intent of being productive but instead end up staring blankly at facebook. My hair is everywhere, I don't get out of my sweats, Juliette is eating the crayons, Madeleine is screaming about cookies, it's frozen pizza for dinner, and a tall glass of something with alcohol before bed (for me, not the kids), and my prayer time is something like, "Dear Lord what am I doing?". Most days its something in between those two, leaning towards the former.
Honestly, sometimes it is hard. As a mom I get almost no time to myself, someone always wants a piece of me, my body has been run ragged. I remember the days before kids when I went to the store by myself, heck when I went to the bathroom by myself, and the reason I didn't wear bikinis was modesty... not crazy stretch marks. Every day, in sickness and in health, I drag myself out of bed and give myself to my kids. They don't have a snooze button, they've gotten pretty used to being fed on a daily basis, and they don't prioritize doing the dishes over playing house. They are 2 and 1. They are sweet, loving, well behaved, and adorable little girls but they are a handful.
And yet I knew about all this getting into it. I watched my mom sacrifice for us growing up. We had the nicer clothes, the better technology. The money went to our hobbies and the house was always filled with our favorite snacks. My mom is a heroic example of sacrifice. But it goes beyond that, down to the heart of the vocation.
Motherhood, no matter if the mother is at home or working, is a vocation that allows us to unite ourselves with Christ by giving up our own bodies out of love for our children, as He gave His Body up for us. No, there is no way we can ever measure up to the sacrifices He made for us but we can unite what little we have to offer to Him. We can be whipped by our exhaustion or our morning sickness, crowned by the thorns of judgements of others who don't understand us (pro-life, NFP, large families), made to carry the cross of our own human flawed human nature, and, if we are really good, we can chose to die to ourselves every day. Nursing mom give their bodies as food to their newborns. Like Mary, we suffer the pains of our children with them. The daily sacrifices we make allow us to decrease so Christ can increase in us.
Most days I don't get it right, my selfishness wins out at some point or another. Still, every day by the grace of God, I grow to love my children more and that gives me the drive to try again. I don't want to be a stay at home mother because it is easy, because it is not, but because it is so rewarding to know that in some way I can experience the love Christ has for me in loving my children.
I wrote a while back about how my vocation as a wife leads me closer to God, this is about my vocation as a mother.
Honestly, most of the time I'm not sure what the word "fulfilled" even means. I used to judge God's will in my life but what made me the happiest. I began to realize that most of the time it meant I was ignoring God's true call for me and doing something "fun". I don't always enjoy hard work and motherhood definitely qualifies as such.
Now I try to find God's will by searching for peace. Even on the hardest days I have peace in my call. I don't think that this is right for every mom but for now at least, it is where my Shepherd leads me.
So maybe in the future I'll put my degrees to good use, maybe even get my masters. For now I am more fulfilled than I ever have been. Tired... but fulfilled.
Showing posts with label Vocation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vocation. Show all posts
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The day from hell... not for the faint of heart
Awful day yesterday. We were supposed to be flying to Houston this Sunday but plans changed fast.
Ya see, I woke up Friday feeling like I was going to get sick. My first brilliant thought was to take a pregnancy test. Nada. No dice.
Then it hit me, "Crud. I'm sick"
THEN it actually hit me.
Fast forward about an hour and I was being carried out to an ambulance on a stretcher. I won't get into the gory details but suffice it to say I puked until I started blacking out over and over. I managed to call my landlady upstairs, the sweet saint, who came down and called 911 and watched my babies.
By the time the medics got there they had a hard time finding my pulse, blood pressure, heart rate... I was taken into the hospital as a cardiac patient and put in the trama room. Once those anti-nausea meds were in me and I had a few nice IVs I was doing much better. Still sick, but not passing out all the time.
Kyle made it home from work in record time and stayed with me at the hospital until my landlady had to go get her own kid. So I napped and by the time I called him he was in an absolute panic because the baby was screaming to be nursed and Madeleine was throwing up everywhere. He rushed them to the hospital to get me (I was finally being discharged, now that I was hydrated and on anti-nausea meds I was in no danger) carrying the baby and dragging Madeleine as she threw up all over the hospital. Once they finally got the IVs out of me I picked my darling baby up, kissed her on her pukey head, and carried her to the car.
Since we live about a mile from the hospital we were home in no time. I put Madeleine in the bath tub and asked Kyle to hold Juliette until I could nurse her. He told me he was starting to feel sick. I took the baby and nursed her while Madeleine puked all over the bathtub and Kyle got sick in the kitchen.
I got the three of them into our bed, Kyle with a trash bag, Juliette passed out nursing, and Madeleine with towels all around her, and took off to get my medicine from CVS. It took all I had to stay awake for the drive, I got home and slept for an hour. Then the baby woke up.
Since Kyle was much sicker than I was at that point and had been up since 2:30 in the morning I took the baby for the next three hours and then we traded when I almost passed out watching her.
He stayed up with her for another hour until they both fell asleep on the couch, I woke them up and dragged them to bed, it was about one, and we all slept...
Until Madeleine woke up at three, crying for water.
I watched a show with her and let her sip water until 4:30 when we both went back to sleep. The baby woke up crying at 7 and Kyle took that shift, he came back to bed about an hour later, the girls and I slept til 11 and he slept til noon.
Today we all sat around sipping juice and watching TV. No one got sick.
Now I am much better but it was the day from hell. I think all moms have stories like that and if you do, you are my heros...
After Kyle, of course, because he took such supreme care of myself and our girls. There is no finer husband to be found.
This post may be an "over share" but it's my blog and I deal with things by talking them out... so there ya have it. My written therapy.
Ya see, I woke up Friday feeling like I was going to get sick. My first brilliant thought was to take a pregnancy test. Nada. No dice.
Then it hit me, "Crud. I'm sick"
THEN it actually hit me.
Fast forward about an hour and I was being carried out to an ambulance on a stretcher. I won't get into the gory details but suffice it to say I puked until I started blacking out over and over. I managed to call my landlady upstairs, the sweet saint, who came down and called 911 and watched my babies.
By the time the medics got there they had a hard time finding my pulse, blood pressure, heart rate... I was taken into the hospital as a cardiac patient and put in the trama room. Once those anti-nausea meds were in me and I had a few nice IVs I was doing much better. Still sick, but not passing out all the time.
Kyle made it home from work in record time and stayed with me at the hospital until my landlady had to go get her own kid. So I napped and by the time I called him he was in an absolute panic because the baby was screaming to be nursed and Madeleine was throwing up everywhere. He rushed them to the hospital to get me (I was finally being discharged, now that I was hydrated and on anti-nausea meds I was in no danger) carrying the baby and dragging Madeleine as she threw up all over the hospital. Once they finally got the IVs out of me I picked my darling baby up, kissed her on her pukey head, and carried her to the car.
Since we live about a mile from the hospital we were home in no time. I put Madeleine in the bath tub and asked Kyle to hold Juliette until I could nurse her. He told me he was starting to feel sick. I took the baby and nursed her while Madeleine puked all over the bathtub and Kyle got sick in the kitchen.
I got the three of them into our bed, Kyle with a trash bag, Juliette passed out nursing, and Madeleine with towels all around her, and took off to get my medicine from CVS. It took all I had to stay awake for the drive, I got home and slept for an hour. Then the baby woke up.
Since Kyle was much sicker than I was at that point and had been up since 2:30 in the morning I took the baby for the next three hours and then we traded when I almost passed out watching her.
He stayed up with her for another hour until they both fell asleep on the couch, I woke them up and dragged them to bed, it was about one, and we all slept...
Until Madeleine woke up at three, crying for water.
I watched a show with her and let her sip water until 4:30 when we both went back to sleep. The baby woke up crying at 7 and Kyle took that shift, he came back to bed about an hour later, the girls and I slept til 11 and he slept til noon.
Today we all sat around sipping juice and watching TV. No one got sick.
Now I am much better but it was the day from hell. I think all moms have stories like that and if you do, you are my heros...
After Kyle, of course, because he took such supreme care of myself and our girls. There is no finer husband to be found.
This post may be an "over share" but it's my blog and I deal with things by talking them out... so there ya have it. My written therapy.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Picking up my cross
I am so thankful for my doctors up here in Massachusetts. Since I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy about a week before we left Texas I was a bit scared of finding a doctor I could trust. Per the advice of many solid people I found a strong Catholic doctor who is well versed in the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning, completely pro-life and anti-contraception with a sizable Catholic brood of his own. He is amazing. I was so scared of not being able to have kids after I lost one of my tubes and he helped me find specialists who could determine the underlying causes to my ectopic pregnancy and if I could achieve more pregnancies without risking losing my other tube or if I would need surgery.
After many sessions with him, lots of blood draws, and much more confidence than I had before I had met him I became pregnant with Madeleine. He was too far away to deliver my baby but I saw him through the first trimester. He did weekly blood draws to make sure my HCG levels were doubling properly before they could make certain that the baby was in my uterus by ultrasound. He got me on progesterone because of my extremely low levels and my family history of miscarriages due to low progesterone levels. Even after I migrated to my new (and also fabulous) doctor for my second and third trimesters he kept up with me to make sure I was doing well.
I had an appointment with him today as has become customary after I start to get my cycle back (over share, I know) after I give birth. They monitor my hormone levels to make sure that they don't detect any signs that there could be any problems with my remaining tube. Praise God, so far everything has been perfect.
We talked for a while about the gift that Natural Family Planning is. He gave an amazing analogy that I just wanted to share. When you achieve a pregnancy while doing Natural Family Planning you are aware of your fertility and therefore able to make a decision to receive a new life inside of you. It is like when you go to receive the Eucharist, you walk to the priest or Extraordinary Minister with the intent to receive Jesus inside of you and you are able to prepare yourself. When you use Natural Family Planning you are aware of the holiness of the act of creating a child with your spouse and you are able to prepare yourself for that new life. He said when you don't use Natural Family Planning and you aren't aware of your fertility it's like receiving the Eucharist in your sandwich. All of the holiness and grace are still there but you aren't aware and so you cannot prepare yourself as fully to receive it. It is such a gift to be aware that you may have just made a child and to reflect on that and it is a blessing to make the decision, "Yes, I want to bear new life." A child is always unequivocally a GIFT and a BLESSING but why would you not want to understand your fertility, embrace it, and know and receive the blessings of that gift right from the moment of conception?
We also talked about having large families. He says that he gets frustrated when the mother of many kids complains about hardships and people say to her, "Well maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids." Someone could be stuck in traffic and complaining about that but you wouldn't tell them, "Well maybe you shouldn't have a car." Sometimes mothers get "stuck in traffic" so to speak and struggle but that does not mean that they shouldn't have had their kids. The overall blessings from their child outweigh any hardships greatly. In fact, I would say that the hardships and challenges are what purify us and make marriage and motherhood a vocation that increases holiness.
Back in the day at Franciscan people would talk about "paths". Obviously your vocation is your path to God. Most of the time when I think about paths in a spiritual context I think back to the road Christ had to travel to the cross. That journey was His purpose and he bore His cross along it because of His intense love for the people we would die for.
I relate that to vocations. Until I found Kyle most of the time I found my "path" to be a rather easy one. I felt like I could carry my cross with no issues and was dancing along to God. It wasn't until I loved Kyle that I began to feel the weight of the cross I was carrying, my sinfulness. I could feel how my sins weighed down on me because now that we were one they were also placed on his shoulders. I could clearly see the effects of my sinfulness on him. If I was selfish, it hurt Kyle. If I was vein, it hurt Kyle. That clarity allowed me to see how I also hurt so many other people around me. Suddenly my cross felt more weighty. At the same time however I found new strength to carry it because I had found something I would die for. I'm not really talking about actual martyrdom because that seems like a no-brainer, dying for my faith, but someone I was willing to die to myself for.
Each day in marriage is a day to carry the cross of sin, of illness, and then to die to yourself for the ones you love. I imagine it is the same for a priest, wanting to carry your cross out of love for the Church, the bride of the priest, and being willing to die to yourself for Her. When I became a mother this conviction was taken to an even more intense level. My sins are weighted down on my daughters as well. I don't think that Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the struggles you face as a Christian are negligible. I believe He says it because He gives you the ability to truly LOVE and that love gives you the strength to carry your cross. Ultimately in order to love someone you have to be willing to die to yourself.
I don't want to ever look at motherhood or being a wife and say, "I have no time for myself. I can't afford XYZ." There are times when I struggle with those things but if I ever complain I'll tell you now, I'm glad I have the car even though I am stuck in traffic.
Tonight it is two in the morning but I am not asleep. Juliette is having one of those nights where she thinks bed time is nap time and wakes up at 11 refreshed and ready to go. Which, of course, is always fun.
Tonight after she had been put down on the floor to burn off energy she took off for the clean laundry basket, put my underwear around her neck, and walked off screaming for "Na" which is what she calls Madeleine. Sometimes it's "Nani" but usually it's "Na".
So she eventually realized that "Na" was not in the living room or the play room or the kitchen so she beat down the door to the nursery and made her way to Madeleine's crib in the dark as she called out for her. I scooped her up and removed her before she could wake her sister, she cried, and I told her she would just have to settle for playtime with momma.
She fell asleep again just a little while ago and while I am exhausted I wouldn't a trade single smile. Motherhood can be hard, and I'll stumble and fall far more than the three times Christ did, but it itself cannot ever be a cross. It's what I carry my cross for.
After many sessions with him, lots of blood draws, and much more confidence than I had before I had met him I became pregnant with Madeleine. He was too far away to deliver my baby but I saw him through the first trimester. He did weekly blood draws to make sure my HCG levels were doubling properly before they could make certain that the baby was in my uterus by ultrasound. He got me on progesterone because of my extremely low levels and my family history of miscarriages due to low progesterone levels. Even after I migrated to my new (and also fabulous) doctor for my second and third trimesters he kept up with me to make sure I was doing well.
I had an appointment with him today as has become customary after I start to get my cycle back (over share, I know) after I give birth. They monitor my hormone levels to make sure that they don't detect any signs that there could be any problems with my remaining tube. Praise God, so far everything has been perfect.
We talked for a while about the gift that Natural Family Planning is. He gave an amazing analogy that I just wanted to share. When you achieve a pregnancy while doing Natural Family Planning you are aware of your fertility and therefore able to make a decision to receive a new life inside of you. It is like when you go to receive the Eucharist, you walk to the priest or Extraordinary Minister with the intent to receive Jesus inside of you and you are able to prepare yourself. When you use Natural Family Planning you are aware of the holiness of the act of creating a child with your spouse and you are able to prepare yourself for that new life. He said when you don't use Natural Family Planning and you aren't aware of your fertility it's like receiving the Eucharist in your sandwich. All of the holiness and grace are still there but you aren't aware and so you cannot prepare yourself as fully to receive it. It is such a gift to be aware that you may have just made a child and to reflect on that and it is a blessing to make the decision, "Yes, I want to bear new life." A child is always unequivocally a GIFT and a BLESSING but why would you not want to understand your fertility, embrace it, and know and receive the blessings of that gift right from the moment of conception?
We also talked about having large families. He says that he gets frustrated when the mother of many kids complains about hardships and people say to her, "Well maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids." Someone could be stuck in traffic and complaining about that but you wouldn't tell them, "Well maybe you shouldn't have a car." Sometimes mothers get "stuck in traffic" so to speak and struggle but that does not mean that they shouldn't have had their kids. The overall blessings from their child outweigh any hardships greatly. In fact, I would say that the hardships and challenges are what purify us and make marriage and motherhood a vocation that increases holiness.
Back in the day at Franciscan people would talk about "paths". Obviously your vocation is your path to God. Most of the time when I think about paths in a spiritual context I think back to the road Christ had to travel to the cross. That journey was His purpose and he bore His cross along it because of His intense love for the people we would die for.
I relate that to vocations. Until I found Kyle most of the time I found my "path" to be a rather easy one. I felt like I could carry my cross with no issues and was dancing along to God. It wasn't until I loved Kyle that I began to feel the weight of the cross I was carrying, my sinfulness. I could feel how my sins weighed down on me because now that we were one they were also placed on his shoulders. I could clearly see the effects of my sinfulness on him. If I was selfish, it hurt Kyle. If I was vein, it hurt Kyle. That clarity allowed me to see how I also hurt so many other people around me. Suddenly my cross felt more weighty. At the same time however I found new strength to carry it because I had found something I would die for. I'm not really talking about actual martyrdom because that seems like a no-brainer, dying for my faith, but someone I was willing to die to myself for.
Each day in marriage is a day to carry the cross of sin, of illness, and then to die to yourself for the ones you love. I imagine it is the same for a priest, wanting to carry your cross out of love for the Church, the bride of the priest, and being willing to die to yourself for Her. When I became a mother this conviction was taken to an even more intense level. My sins are weighted down on my daughters as well. I don't think that Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the struggles you face as a Christian are negligible. I believe He says it because He gives you the ability to truly LOVE and that love gives you the strength to carry your cross. Ultimately in order to love someone you have to be willing to die to yourself.
I don't want to ever look at motherhood or being a wife and say, "I have no time for myself. I can't afford XYZ." There are times when I struggle with those things but if I ever complain I'll tell you now, I'm glad I have the car even though I am stuck in traffic.
Tonight it is two in the morning but I am not asleep. Juliette is having one of those nights where she thinks bed time is nap time and wakes up at 11 refreshed and ready to go. Which, of course, is always fun.
Tonight after she had been put down on the floor to burn off energy she took off for the clean laundry basket, put my underwear around her neck, and walked off screaming for "Na" which is what she calls Madeleine. Sometimes it's "Nani" but usually it's "Na".
So she eventually realized that "Na" was not in the living room or the play room or the kitchen so she beat down the door to the nursery and made her way to Madeleine's crib in the dark as she called out for her. I scooped her up and removed her before she could wake her sister, she cried, and I told her she would just have to settle for playtime with momma.
She fell asleep again just a little while ago and while I am exhausted I wouldn't a trade single smile. Motherhood can be hard, and I'll stumble and fall far more than the three times Christ did, but it itself cannot ever be a cross. It's what I carry my cross for.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Jesus Mommy Hail Mary
Tonight at mass I just had an overwhelming knowledge of how blessed I am. Sitting next to my husband, both girls curled up on our laps... I have more than I could have ever dreamed of. I have been blessed by God so abundantly to have His love and then on top of that the love of such a holy man and such precious little daughters.
Then when we were leaving mass I got another blessing. We stopped by the statue of Mary like we always do to say hi and thank you to Jesus' mommy. Madeleine went running up with the biggest smile and started talking to her. When I thought she was done I told her we were heading home and she told me that she wanted to stay here. With Jesus Mommy Hail Mary.
With all the toys and cookies and movie in our home she preferred to be with the Blessed Mother thanking her for Baby Jesus. Sometimes I really wonder what God was giving me such gifts as these two little souls to care for me, but He has it under control. I forget that they already have a perfect mother in heaven and that whatever my weaknesses are that she will be taking care of my girls as well so I have nothing to worry about.
So thank you to Jesus' mommy Mary for loving my babies, show me how to be a mother like you!
Then when we were leaving mass I got another blessing. We stopped by the statue of Mary like we always do to say hi and thank you to Jesus' mommy. Madeleine went running up with the biggest smile and started talking to her. When I thought she was done I told her we were heading home and she told me that she wanted to stay here. With Jesus Mommy Hail Mary.
With all the toys and cookies and movie in our home she preferred to be with the Blessed Mother thanking her for Baby Jesus. Sometimes I really wonder what God was giving me such gifts as these two little souls to care for me, but He has it under control. I forget that they already have a perfect mother in heaven and that whatever my weaknesses are that she will be taking care of my girls as well so I have nothing to worry about.
So thank you to Jesus' mommy Mary for loving my babies, show me how to be a mother like you!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things I have learned about Motherhood
Motherhood has a learning curve. With each child you have you learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. You also learn about your child (I hope). Annnnnd, you learn a lot about others and the world in which we live
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
What mass is like with kids
Back before I had kids I would see the two year old climbing all over the pew and think to myself, "Horrors! Surely my children will never do such a thing!" or something like that. That makes it sound like I think in "British"... normally my mind is not that proper.
Nowadays when I see a toddler standing on a pew who isn't pelting other parishioners with hymnals I wonder what they have done to get their kid to behave so nicely.
Our real problem is that because of Kyle's schedule we have to go to either the 4:30 Saturday or the 5:00 Sunday mass and that means that we don't even TRY to get the kids down for their naps. The only thing worse than a baby who has not napped is a baby who was from her crib untimely ripped. (five points to anyone who gets the reference.)
So we usually roll into mass about 2 minutes late. We like less that a mile from our parish but even if we left our house at about a half hour before we had to be there we would probably still end up late. I'm convinced our neighborhood has a Bermuda Triangle thing going on.
And of course, because this is Massachusetts and everyone talks "wicked fast" the priest is just about to begin the Gospel.
Madeleine genuflects before entering the pew and I am proud. Super proud. I'm beaming. We sit down, she sits and folds her hands and goes, "Jesus. Hi. Amen." I'm not smiling like the Cheshire Cat. SO CUTE!
Kyle usually starts off holding Juliette and I am trying to explain what is happening in the mass to Madeleine. Everything is quiet for a minute or two. Soon enough however Juliette is squealing so loud I'm convinced no one can hear the lector and Madeleine is crawling under the pew back and forth transporting the hymnals.
Kyle hands Juliette to me. The squealing gets louder. He tried to pick up Madeleine who now is making a fort out of said hymnals. He picks her up and tells her it is time to pray.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle heads to the back of the church with her where there is no cry room. She is told she has lost her cookie. I hear her NOOOOOOOOs tapering off as he distracts her. Usually she is trying to wash her hands in the holy water font. I'm down with that.
Meanwhile Juliette realizes that I am holding her but she is not nursing. That won't do. She is pulling at my shirts and head butting me in the chest. Kyle comes back just in time. Madeleine says, "HI MOM! HI BABY!" I hand Juliette over to him who starts teething on his shoulder. Madeleine sits in the pew for about a minute. Then she puts down the foot rest, stands on it, and starts leaning forward into the pew in front of us. Her butt is in the air and she cannot get down.
As I am getting her down Kyle is distracting Juliette with the hymnals. He hands her one and she immediately throws it on the floor and reaches for the next because that is just the stage she is in. Madeleine picks up the hymnal, examines it, and starts pointing and loudly saying, "Jesus mommy! Jesus mommy!"
Luckily for us they are normal very good during, as Madeleine calls it, the "HI JESUS" part. The point where I point up at the Eucharist being held in the hands of the priest and tell Madeleine, "There is Jesus." To which she usually says, in a whisper, "Hi Jesus."
On the way back from communion there are people pointing and smiling at them. Those people have clearly not heard what has been going on in the back of the church.
We get back to our seats and without fail one of us has to take one of them to the back of the church again. This is made particularly tricky if we have arrived late and the person at the end of the row has refused to move in so we were stuck in the middle. Usually by the end of mass they have let us out and back in again so many times that my guess is no "isle seat" is worth that amount of trouble. Or they have peaced out right after communion. Once again, this is Massachusetts.
We stay until the priest has processed back up the isle and head out. We stop at the statue of Mary in front of the church because Madeleine loves Jesus Mommy Hail Mary. It hasn't been a peaceful experience and I didn't have much time for contemplation. However I have the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity inside of me so I know that I am the closest I can possibly be to God.
Being a mom doesn't give a lot of time from prayer but it provides a lot of opportunities to grow in holiness.... even though by the end of mass I am usually more tired then when I hit the gym.
Even through their craziness I see the fruits of taking my children to mass in my day to day life, especially in how Madeleine has grown in her prayer life. And she is only two! It's hard but I certainly wouldn't do it any other way. While my children are young I'll have to remember that even though I don't get long peaceful stretches for prayer that God is still working within me through my husband and children. Putting the needs of my children before my own is part of my vocation and it's by living my vocation in even the smallest details that I will grow closer to God. Outside of receiving the Eucharist nothing revitalizes my faith like loving my family because they are my gift from God and my path to Him as well.
I guess what I am saying is that I will take my time alone with God whenever I can get it, those are essential to restore me for day to day life. However since those moments can be hard to come by I am slowly learning how to make the little moments of life a prayer as well. Dishes, laundry, even peeling Madeleine off of the pew during mass. I'm just thankful for the richness of our faith, the goodness of God, and the vocation of being a wife and mother. Especially to such a holy man and such sweet little girls.
Nowadays when I see a toddler standing on a pew who isn't pelting other parishioners with hymnals I wonder what they have done to get their kid to behave so nicely.
Our real problem is that because of Kyle's schedule we have to go to either the 4:30 Saturday or the 5:00 Sunday mass and that means that we don't even TRY to get the kids down for their naps. The only thing worse than a baby who has not napped is a baby who was from her crib untimely ripped. (five points to anyone who gets the reference.)
So we usually roll into mass about 2 minutes late. We like less that a mile from our parish but even if we left our house at about a half hour before we had to be there we would probably still end up late. I'm convinced our neighborhood has a Bermuda Triangle thing going on.
And of course, because this is Massachusetts and everyone talks "wicked fast" the priest is just about to begin the Gospel.
Madeleine genuflects before entering the pew and I am proud. Super proud. I'm beaming. We sit down, she sits and folds her hands and goes, "Jesus. Hi. Amen." I'm not smiling like the Cheshire Cat. SO CUTE!
Kyle usually starts off holding Juliette and I am trying to explain what is happening in the mass to Madeleine. Everything is quiet for a minute or two. Soon enough however Juliette is squealing so loud I'm convinced no one can hear the lector and Madeleine is crawling under the pew back and forth transporting the hymnals.
Kyle hands Juliette to me. The squealing gets louder. He tried to pick up Madeleine who now is making a fort out of said hymnals. He picks her up and tells her it is time to pray.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle heads to the back of the church with her where there is no cry room. She is told she has lost her cookie. I hear her NOOOOOOOOs tapering off as he distracts her. Usually she is trying to wash her hands in the holy water font. I'm down with that.
Meanwhile Juliette realizes that I am holding her but she is not nursing. That won't do. She is pulling at my shirts and head butting me in the chest. Kyle comes back just in time. Madeleine says, "HI MOM! HI BABY!" I hand Juliette over to him who starts teething on his shoulder. Madeleine sits in the pew for about a minute. Then she puts down the foot rest, stands on it, and starts leaning forward into the pew in front of us. Her butt is in the air and she cannot get down.
As I am getting her down Kyle is distracting Juliette with the hymnals. He hands her one and she immediately throws it on the floor and reaches for the next because that is just the stage she is in. Madeleine picks up the hymnal, examines it, and starts pointing and loudly saying, "Jesus mommy! Jesus mommy!"
Luckily for us they are normal very good during, as Madeleine calls it, the "HI JESUS" part. The point where I point up at the Eucharist being held in the hands of the priest and tell Madeleine, "There is Jesus." To which she usually says, in a whisper, "Hi Jesus."
On the way back from communion there are people pointing and smiling at them. Those people have clearly not heard what has been going on in the back of the church.
We get back to our seats and without fail one of us has to take one of them to the back of the church again. This is made particularly tricky if we have arrived late and the person at the end of the row has refused to move in so we were stuck in the middle. Usually by the end of mass they have let us out and back in again so many times that my guess is no "isle seat" is worth that amount of trouble. Or they have peaced out right after communion. Once again, this is Massachusetts.
We stay until the priest has processed back up the isle and head out. We stop at the statue of Mary in front of the church because Madeleine loves Jesus Mommy Hail Mary. It hasn't been a peaceful experience and I didn't have much time for contemplation. However I have the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity inside of me so I know that I am the closest I can possibly be to God.
Being a mom doesn't give a lot of time from prayer but it provides a lot of opportunities to grow in holiness.... even though by the end of mass I am usually more tired then when I hit the gym.
Even through their craziness I see the fruits of taking my children to mass in my day to day life, especially in how Madeleine has grown in her prayer life. And she is only two! It's hard but I certainly wouldn't do it any other way. While my children are young I'll have to remember that even though I don't get long peaceful stretches for prayer that God is still working within me through my husband and children. Putting the needs of my children before my own is part of my vocation and it's by living my vocation in even the smallest details that I will grow closer to God. Outside of receiving the Eucharist nothing revitalizes my faith like loving my family because they are my gift from God and my path to Him as well.
I guess what I am saying is that I will take my time alone with God whenever I can get it, those are essential to restore me for day to day life. However since those moments can be hard to come by I am slowly learning how to make the little moments of life a prayer as well. Dishes, laundry, even peeling Madeleine off of the pew during mass. I'm just thankful for the richness of our faith, the goodness of God, and the vocation of being a wife and mother. Especially to such a holy man and such sweet little girls.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
NFP in real life
I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
In the Behr cave... or wherever it is that Behrs live
So it's been a while since I've done a post about daily life with the baby Behrs and since I am apparently an insomniac all of a sudden now seems as good of a time as ever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
Controversial or just Catholic
Sometimes I feel a litte bit alone in the world. Most of my decisions about life are controversial. Some of them because they go completely against the grain of what is considered "normal" such as getting married at 21, using Natural Family Planning instead of birth control, being pro-life, being pro-traditional marriage, planning on having many homeschooled babies, and really, basically being an orthodox Catholic. Other things are controversial because the people who disagree with me on them tend to be very opinionated. I vaccinate my children, I love me some epidural, I cloth diaper, I stay at home with my kids all day every day, I don't start potty training until my kids shows signs they are ready, and I let Madeleine watch TV for short periods before she was two. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be, but with all that controversy, with people coming at you from all sides telling you what you are doing as a mother/wife/woman etc is wrong, how do you develop convictions and hold to them without attacking others in the same breath?
I want to talk about the controversy caused by the first set of things I discussed, the things that go against the grain of society and not just my close set of friends. I don't believe in moral relativity. Not at all. I believe that when it comes to the important things (such as being pro-life, marriage being between a man and a woman, and not using contraception) there is a right and a wrong and I believe that through the teachings of the Catholic Church, it is very clear. I feel blessed to be brought up in a family that taught me right from wrong. I'm glad that they taught me that the right way isn't always the easy way but that the struggles and sacrifice are always worth it in the end. I know that I have to hold myself up to a higher standard than I do anyone else because I can't call anyone on when I know that I am falling in a similar area. But with moral relativity being so predominant in our culture it seems like there is never a good time to share your beliefs with others. It's considered rude. I don't like people coming up to me telling me what I am doing is wrong and yet I know that I am called to evangelize and many people see evangelization as just being nosy.
This is the conclusion I've come to. I have to let the wisdom of the Catholic Church and the Holy Spirit be my guide and I have to live my life as the best example I can because when worldly ways fail someone they are going to be searching for another way and I want to be a light to show them the path to Christ. I want our family to be a beacon of what the Church is all about and our joy and peace to speak for me. I'll always be willing to give my witness in words... I was in fact a catechetics major, but unless I live a good ife it really won't do any good. So I'm going to be the best Catholic I can be, raise my lovely babies to do the same, and just pray that God will use our example to touch just one person. That would be so wonderful.
I want to talk about the controversy caused by the first set of things I discussed, the things that go against the grain of society and not just my close set of friends. I don't believe in moral relativity. Not at all. I believe that when it comes to the important things (such as being pro-life, marriage being between a man and a woman, and not using contraception) there is a right and a wrong and I believe that through the teachings of the Catholic Church, it is very clear. I feel blessed to be brought up in a family that taught me right from wrong. I'm glad that they taught me that the right way isn't always the easy way but that the struggles and sacrifice are always worth it in the end. I know that I have to hold myself up to a higher standard than I do anyone else because I can't call anyone on when I know that I am falling in a similar area. But with moral relativity being so predominant in our culture it seems like there is never a good time to share your beliefs with others. It's considered rude. I don't like people coming up to me telling me what I am doing is wrong and yet I know that I am called to evangelize and many people see evangelization as just being nosy.
This is the conclusion I've come to. I have to let the wisdom of the Catholic Church and the Holy Spirit be my guide and I have to live my life as the best example I can because when worldly ways fail someone they are going to be searching for another way and I want to be a light to show them the path to Christ. I want our family to be a beacon of what the Church is all about and our joy and peace to speak for me. I'll always be willing to give my witness in words... I was in fact a catechetics major, but unless I live a good ife it really won't do any good. So I'm going to be the best Catholic I can be, raise my lovely babies to do the same, and just pray that God will use our example to touch just one person. That would be so wonderful.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
My home girl, Mary Magdalene
I was talking to a friend of mine about my devotion to Mary Magdalene on her feast day (July 22nd) and she told me that I should turn it into a blog post. So here it is.
A lot of times life is like one of those three act chick flicks. In life you are born and everything is a-ok and peaceful. In the movie this is generally the very beginning before the main story line begins. Then life happens and whether you lead a sinful life or a average one, you may not have developed a relationship with Christ and the world can seem overwhelming and you want to go back to when times were simple instead of moving forward into the unknown. This is usually the point in the movie when the girl meets the guy and things get confusing and every force possible tries to keep them apart. (Usually we've been introduced to Christ much earlier than we fall in love with him and the world tries to keep us from him. Just thought I'd explain in case you didn't see my crazy analogy) Then there is the third act where we fall in love with Christ for the first time and in the movie the woman and the man get engaged, married, etc. And then the movie just ends.
From this point we are supposed to assume that the couple in the movie stays in love and married but we know that, tragically, in this day in age that usually isn't the case. And likewise we should assume that once Christ comes into our lives that we stay in love with him and follow him everywhere and anywhere. And even more tragically, that usually isn't the case either. However that is the story of my life and I believe the story of Mary Magdalene. Jesus came into Mary Magdalene's life when she was at her worst and the future seemed the most dim. He loved her, changed her, and she was his forever. That is why she followed him to the cross. And her faithfulness is why she was the first he appeared to at the resurrection. A lot of times people don't make it to the cross in marriage and in their journey's with Christ. That is why they never see the resurrection. Mary trusted in the Love that had transformed her and so was able to endure whatever it took to be by Him. From then on, after he was gone, she lived with his Mother and John the Beloved. I'm not sure if it is anywhere near accurate (I don't get to study these things as much as I would like) but in a way I think she is like the first nun. She fell in love with Christ, stood by his side through everything, and after He was gone she lived with two other people who were also clearly celibate. It may not have had the official titles to it that sisters have today, and even if she wasn't even close to being a nun, I see her as a perfect bride for Christ.
I love Mary Magdalene because this is how the story SHOULD go. Our turning points are all different, mine was right before high school, but once we fall in love with God we should stay in love with Him. Obviously major events can happen on our journey, I got married and became a mother, but those events don't start a new story. They just deepen the one we are already in. I love Mary Magdalene because, like me, this is how her story went. She was transformed by Christ and never left his side. I feel a connection with her because she is exactly the type of bride for Christ that I want to be. She's also exactly the type of bride I want to be for Kyle. All my life Mary Magdalene has been an example to me. I feel like we share a similar spirit but she shows me how to use that spirit to grow closer to God and to be holier than I could on my own. My devotion to her is why I named my first daughter Madeleine.
I hope everyone has a saint who can show them how to love Christ but if you don't, I'd recommend Mary Magdalene. She's pretty amazing.
A lot of times life is like one of those three act chick flicks. In life you are born and everything is a-ok and peaceful. In the movie this is generally the very beginning before the main story line begins. Then life happens and whether you lead a sinful life or a average one, you may not have developed a relationship with Christ and the world can seem overwhelming and you want to go back to when times were simple instead of moving forward into the unknown. This is usually the point in the movie when the girl meets the guy and things get confusing and every force possible tries to keep them apart. (Usually we've been introduced to Christ much earlier than we fall in love with him and the world tries to keep us from him. Just thought I'd explain in case you didn't see my crazy analogy) Then there is the third act where we fall in love with Christ for the first time and in the movie the woman and the man get engaged, married, etc. And then the movie just ends.
From this point we are supposed to assume that the couple in the movie stays in love and married but we know that, tragically, in this day in age that usually isn't the case. And likewise we should assume that once Christ comes into our lives that we stay in love with him and follow him everywhere and anywhere. And even more tragically, that usually isn't the case either. However that is the story of my life and I believe the story of Mary Magdalene. Jesus came into Mary Magdalene's life when she was at her worst and the future seemed the most dim. He loved her, changed her, and she was his forever. That is why she followed him to the cross. And her faithfulness is why she was the first he appeared to at the resurrection. A lot of times people don't make it to the cross in marriage and in their journey's with Christ. That is why they never see the resurrection. Mary trusted in the Love that had transformed her and so was able to endure whatever it took to be by Him. From then on, after he was gone, she lived with his Mother and John the Beloved. I'm not sure if it is anywhere near accurate (I don't get to study these things as much as I would like) but in a way I think she is like the first nun. She fell in love with Christ, stood by his side through everything, and after He was gone she lived with two other people who were also clearly celibate. It may not have had the official titles to it that sisters have today, and even if she wasn't even close to being a nun, I see her as a perfect bride for Christ.
I love Mary Magdalene because this is how the story SHOULD go. Our turning points are all different, mine was right before high school, but once we fall in love with God we should stay in love with Him. Obviously major events can happen on our journey, I got married and became a mother, but those events don't start a new story. They just deepen the one we are already in. I love Mary Magdalene because, like me, this is how her story went. She was transformed by Christ and never left his side. I feel a connection with her because she is exactly the type of bride for Christ that I want to be. She's also exactly the type of bride I want to be for Kyle. All my life Mary Magdalene has been an example to me. I feel like we share a similar spirit but she shows me how to use that spirit to grow closer to God and to be holier than I could on my own. My devotion to her is why I named my first daughter Madeleine.
I hope everyone has a saint who can show them how to love Christ but if you don't, I'd recommend Mary Magdalene. She's pretty amazing.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The problem with how we view children
I can't even begin to explain how many times I've had the same conversation with women. I tell them I am a stay at home mom. They tell me that they could "never do that" because they would "get bored" and they "need something to fulfill them intellectually/socially, etc". I usually leave these conversations feeling amazed, confused, and disheartened.
Let me start off by saying that I understand not everyone is called to be a stay at home mother. Some women need to work. There are bills to pay, student loans, and about a million other reasons why mothers cannot leave their jobs.
Take me for example. For the first six months of Madeleine's life I was a working mom. I was a youth minister and (Praise God!) that allowed my the flexibility to be working and still be with my baby all the time. She came with me to Life Teen and to meetings, I often had baby sitters at the church with me, but she was always around. Instead of feeling fulfilled as a mother and as a working woman with the job I had always dreamed of I was depressed and stressed, stretched too thin in every sense of the word. Things began to fall apart. I wasn't the wife I wanted to be, I wasn't the mother I wanted to be, and I wasn't the youth minister I wanted to be. To me, everyone deserved way more than I could give.
There are some women that can do it all and to be honest, I really and truly envy those women. I wish I was the type of woman who could cook dinner, clean the house, intellectually stimulate my brood of babies, earn a living, and still have energy for sex. I don't this post to seem like I am looking down on the women who do it all because, in fact, I greatly admire them and hope to be like them someday. My mom is the greatest example I know of a mother who could do it all and no one ever felt like she gave them less than her everything all the time. She's amazing. The women who confuse me are the ones who are bored by their children.
I always swore up and down and sideways that I wouldn't be that mom that talked non stop about how awesome my kids are. (Sidebar- according to my wonderful grandparents-in-law, my husband is perfect. I'm pretty sure he believes it too. I'm still not totally convinced he could have been a baseball great if he had JUST gotten glasses earlier but clearly I never saw him play. I do think he is pretty amazing. Love you Maw-Maw and Grandpa Verne!) I am definitely that mom. Madeleine is incredible and Juliette is wonderful and there have NEVER been cuter or sweeter babies except for Jesus. I stay home with them all day every day and while sometimes I get bored (really because I am not creative enough to figure out something new and exciting to do and I feel like I should) I am NEVER EVER bored by them.
Each minute I spend with them is a miracle. How much they know and love me is a miracle. I can't get enough of feeding them, changing their diapers, giving them their toys, moderating their "fights", and watching them learn and explore and change and grow. I am intellectually stimulated by coming up with new ways to be a better wife and mom. I am socially stimulated by my fellow moms. I am spiritually stimulated by the intense knowledge of how much more God loves me than even I love them. There is nothing boring about being a mom.
When I lost my job it was devastating in a sense because our household salary was cut in half. Suddenly, however, I felt whole. I could give my whole heart to my family. Someday I'll get the swing of things, I'll find a balance, and I'll go back into ministry. I'd love to get my master's degree in theology and teach at a college level. For now, I'm happy teaching Madeleine what sound a cow makes and what the color red looks like. I'm fulfilled watching Juliette try to call. I wasn't born to make a pay check. I was born to bring eternal souls into this world. I want to bask in how blessed I am to be a mom and how blessed I am to be able to stay home with my kids. On the days when I just want to get out by myself just for an hour I have to remind myself that the sacrifice of my independence is nothing compared to the rewards I reap. We all have our struggles as moms. Whether we stay home or work none of us have an easy path. What we share is the unbelievable blessing that motherhood is and hopefully we can all appreciate it.
Kids are never boring.
Let me start off by saying that I understand not everyone is called to be a stay at home mother. Some women need to work. There are bills to pay, student loans, and about a million other reasons why mothers cannot leave their jobs.
Take me for example. For the first six months of Madeleine's life I was a working mom. I was a youth minister and (Praise God!) that allowed my the flexibility to be working and still be with my baby all the time. She came with me to Life Teen and to meetings, I often had baby sitters at the church with me, but she was always around. Instead of feeling fulfilled as a mother and as a working woman with the job I had always dreamed of I was depressed and stressed, stretched too thin in every sense of the word. Things began to fall apart. I wasn't the wife I wanted to be, I wasn't the mother I wanted to be, and I wasn't the youth minister I wanted to be. To me, everyone deserved way more than I could give.
There are some women that can do it all and to be honest, I really and truly envy those women. I wish I was the type of woman who could cook dinner, clean the house, intellectually stimulate my brood of babies, earn a living, and still have energy for sex. I don't this post to seem like I am looking down on the women who do it all because, in fact, I greatly admire them and hope to be like them someday. My mom is the greatest example I know of a mother who could do it all and no one ever felt like she gave them less than her everything all the time. She's amazing. The women who confuse me are the ones who are bored by their children.
I always swore up and down and sideways that I wouldn't be that mom that talked non stop about how awesome my kids are. (Sidebar- according to my wonderful grandparents-in-law, my husband is perfect. I'm pretty sure he believes it too. I'm still not totally convinced he could have been a baseball great if he had JUST gotten glasses earlier but clearly I never saw him play. I do think he is pretty amazing. Love you Maw-Maw and Grandpa Verne!) I am definitely that mom. Madeleine is incredible and Juliette is wonderful and there have NEVER been cuter or sweeter babies except for Jesus. I stay home with them all day every day and while sometimes I get bored (really because I am not creative enough to figure out something new and exciting to do and I feel like I should) I am NEVER EVER bored by them.
Each minute I spend with them is a miracle. How much they know and love me is a miracle. I can't get enough of feeding them, changing their diapers, giving them their toys, moderating their "fights", and watching them learn and explore and change and grow. I am intellectually stimulated by coming up with new ways to be a better wife and mom. I am socially stimulated by my fellow moms. I am spiritually stimulated by the intense knowledge of how much more God loves me than even I love them. There is nothing boring about being a mom.
When I lost my job it was devastating in a sense because our household salary was cut in half. Suddenly, however, I felt whole. I could give my whole heart to my family. Someday I'll get the swing of things, I'll find a balance, and I'll go back into ministry. I'd love to get my master's degree in theology and teach at a college level. For now, I'm happy teaching Madeleine what sound a cow makes and what the color red looks like. I'm fulfilled watching Juliette try to call. I wasn't born to make a pay check. I was born to bring eternal souls into this world. I want to bask in how blessed I am to be a mom and how blessed I am to be able to stay home with my kids. On the days when I just want to get out by myself just for an hour I have to remind myself that the sacrifice of my independence is nothing compared to the rewards I reap. We all have our struggles as moms. Whether we stay home or work none of us have an easy path. What we share is the unbelievable blessing that motherhood is and hopefully we can all appreciate it.
Kids are never boring.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Bring back the 'roids!
Well, after a bit of a break I am coming back to the world of blogging. Since the end of May my life has been one non stop event. From our vacation to Houston and New Orleans, to my sister's wedding, to Hannah's graduation, Madeleine's second birthday, and my gallbladder surgery I EARNED that giant bottle of vodka I purchased earlier today. Next up in the house of Behr, the four year anniversary of the momma and the poppa. We've got some hot plans involving Harry Potter and buttered popcorn.
Today the Behrs invaded Boston. We started in the North End and ate our way to Quincy (pronounced Quin-zee) Market. You'd thought I'd have earned my lesson after the great fondue debaucle of last night but APPARENTLY my tummy does not expand infinitely. For shame though because the gelato we passed on our way back to the car looked ah-mazing.
We are spending the night at home watching the All Star game. Kyle is rooting for the National League and I am, of course, rooting for the American League. It's not looking good for me. I love the American League. I love the designated hitter and home runs. It may be controversial but what the heck. I say BRING BACK THE 'ROIDS! Baseball is just way more fun on steroids.
For the players.
Not me.
The girls are fantastic. Madeleine loves playing outside, washing her hands, cleaning, reading books, dancing, and playing with her baby doll. Her favorite person in the whole world is Juliette with Kyle and I coming in close behind. Madeleine wakes up every morning asking for her baby. The way she loves her makes my heart melt.
Juliette is sitting up, almost crawling, and an all around busy girl. If something small is on the floor she will find it and she will eat it. My life is an endless cycle of sweeping, picking up small objects, and fishing pieces of paper our of her toothless mouth. She is just an absolute joy and I love seeing her little personality develop.
As for Kyle and myself, Kyle's career is going great. They are really grooming him for management right now. He is also just so amazing with our girls. We are blessed to have him.
I've been super busy but great as well. My surgery went well and I am excited to be able to eat all of the things I had to give up. I'm also looking forward to the wedding of my best friend, Theresa, in August. I'm the matron of honor.
Pictures to come. Stay tuned!
Today the Behrs invaded Boston. We started in the North End and ate our way to Quincy (pronounced Quin-zee) Market. You'd thought I'd have earned my lesson after the great fondue debaucle of last night but APPARENTLY my tummy does not expand infinitely. For shame though because the gelato we passed on our way back to the car looked ah-mazing.
We are spending the night at home watching the All Star game. Kyle is rooting for the National League and I am, of course, rooting for the American League. It's not looking good for me. I love the American League. I love the designated hitter and home runs. It may be controversial but what the heck. I say BRING BACK THE 'ROIDS! Baseball is just way more fun on steroids.
For the players.
Not me.
The girls are fantastic. Madeleine loves playing outside, washing her hands, cleaning, reading books, dancing, and playing with her baby doll. Her favorite person in the whole world is Juliette with Kyle and I coming in close behind. Madeleine wakes up every morning asking for her baby. The way she loves her makes my heart melt.
Juliette is sitting up, almost crawling, and an all around busy girl. If something small is on the floor she will find it and she will eat it. My life is an endless cycle of sweeping, picking up small objects, and fishing pieces of paper our of her toothless mouth. She is just an absolute joy and I love seeing her little personality develop.
As for Kyle and myself, Kyle's career is going great. They are really grooming him for management right now. He is also just so amazing with our girls. We are blessed to have him.
I've been super busy but great as well. My surgery went well and I am excited to be able to eat all of the things I had to give up. I'm also looking forward to the wedding of my best friend, Theresa, in August. I'm the matron of honor.
Pictures to come. Stay tuned!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Little Way and a long way to go
I've spent a lot of time dwelling on St. Therese lately because I have realized how much she has to teach me. Since becoming a mother my desire for holiness had multiplied time and time again and yet my prayer life has been almost completely shot. I am unable to take both kids to daily mass because of Kyle's schedule and the fact that, I humbly admit, I am completely unable to go to mass with both of them on my own. Most days I barely find time to eat or shower. This is why I turn to Saint Therese.
Saint Therese offered up each moment of her life as an offering to God. She looked at every second of every day as an opportunity to grow in holiness and when those moments slipped by, she was heartbroken. Even the simplest of acts was turned into a prayer. While we live very different lives, her as a cloistered Carmelite and myself as a stay-at-home mother, I feel as though this is the exact type of prayer life that would suit my vocation and allow me the chance to grow in holiness.
First of all, I tend to avoid small tasks that are displeasing to me. For instance, today I was at my sister's tennis game and had just sat down with Juliette on my lap to watch the match when my other sister came up to me asking me to go with her to the bathroom. I wanted to say no so badly. I was tired and my legs were sore from the walk I had taken earlier but I remembered Saint Therese saying, "But why be foolish enough to refuse treasures offered so generously?" Those treasures she spoke of were the small opportunities for holiness that people usually pass by or don't even notice. With that in mind I decided to go to the bathroom with her.
Another thing I can learn from Saint Therese is her desire to be small and hidden in Christ. So often I want people to notice me, especially the good things about me. It's even better if they praise me for those things. First of all, I shouldn't desire the praise of anyone besides the Lord and also my husband and kids who are Christ to me on this earth. Any good thing in me, if I look beautiful or tell a good joke or make an intelligent remark, it is all because of the Lord. Instead of wanting people to see me when those things happen I should want them to see through me to Christ in me who is making them happen. The whole of my existence is to love and serve the Lord and in serving the Lord I should be pointing people to Him and not to myself. If someone can look at me and see Christ than I am doing my job. If they see Sarah than I am failing.
The last thing I have been really meditating on about Saint Therese's Little Way is her joy in suffering. While I have no great crosses I have a lot of little ones. It can be tempting to use them to get attention or to just look at them as a burden rather than a blessing. Saint Therese knew that without a cross there was no resurrection and so she embraced and loved her cross until should could "no longer suffer because all suffering is sweet." I have been blessed with so many things, so much more than most people, and it blows my mind every time I think about just how much I have. This just means I really need to embrace my small crosses even more so I can be assured of a resurrection one day for myself.
Reading the writings of Saint Therese reminds me of just how far I have to go but I feel comforted because she gives me little ways to grow closer to Christ that can fit in with my own vocation as a mother. I can offer up my life as a prayer, I can let Christ shine through me instead of desiring to shine on my own, and I can embrace my small crosses. It is a lot more difficult than it sounds but luckily I have and amazing husband to call me on.
Saint Therese offered up each moment of her life as an offering to God. She looked at every second of every day as an opportunity to grow in holiness and when those moments slipped by, she was heartbroken. Even the simplest of acts was turned into a prayer. While we live very different lives, her as a cloistered Carmelite and myself as a stay-at-home mother, I feel as though this is the exact type of prayer life that would suit my vocation and allow me the chance to grow in holiness.
First of all, I tend to avoid small tasks that are displeasing to me. For instance, today I was at my sister's tennis game and had just sat down with Juliette on my lap to watch the match when my other sister came up to me asking me to go with her to the bathroom. I wanted to say no so badly. I was tired and my legs were sore from the walk I had taken earlier but I remembered Saint Therese saying, "But why be foolish enough to refuse treasures offered so generously?" Those treasures she spoke of were the small opportunities for holiness that people usually pass by or don't even notice. With that in mind I decided to go to the bathroom with her.
Another thing I can learn from Saint Therese is her desire to be small and hidden in Christ. So often I want people to notice me, especially the good things about me. It's even better if they praise me for those things. First of all, I shouldn't desire the praise of anyone besides the Lord and also my husband and kids who are Christ to me on this earth. Any good thing in me, if I look beautiful or tell a good joke or make an intelligent remark, it is all because of the Lord. Instead of wanting people to see me when those things happen I should want them to see through me to Christ in me who is making them happen. The whole of my existence is to love and serve the Lord and in serving the Lord I should be pointing people to Him and not to myself. If someone can look at me and see Christ than I am doing my job. If they see Sarah than I am failing.
The last thing I have been really meditating on about Saint Therese's Little Way is her joy in suffering. While I have no great crosses I have a lot of little ones. It can be tempting to use them to get attention or to just look at them as a burden rather than a blessing. Saint Therese knew that without a cross there was no resurrection and so she embraced and loved her cross until should could "no longer suffer because all suffering is sweet." I have been blessed with so many things, so much more than most people, and it blows my mind every time I think about just how much I have. This just means I really need to embrace my small crosses even more so I can be assured of a resurrection one day for myself.
Reading the writings of Saint Therese reminds me of just how far I have to go but I feel comforted because she gives me little ways to grow closer to Christ that can fit in with my own vocation as a mother. I can offer up my life as a prayer, I can let Christ shine through me instead of desiring to shine on my own, and I can embrace my small crosses. It is a lot more difficult than it sounds but luckily I have and amazing husband to call me on.
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