NFP in real life

I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.

Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.

We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.

My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.

I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.

When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that

Bring back the 'roids!

Well, after a bit of a break I am coming back to the world of blogging. Since the end of May my life has been one non stop event. From our vacation to Houston and New Orleans, to my sister's wedding, to Hannah's graduation, Madeleine's second birthday, and my gallbladder surgery I EARNED that giant bottle of vodka I purchased earlier today. Next up in the house of Behr, the four year anniversary of the momma and the poppa. We've got some hot plans involving Harry Potter and buttered popcorn.

Today the Behrs invaded Boston. We started in the North End and ate our way to Quincy (pronounced Quin-zee) Market. You'd thought I'd have earned my lesson after the great fondue debaucle of last night but APPARENTLY my tummy does not expand infinitely. For shame though because the gelato we passed on our way back to the car looked ah-mazing.

We are spending the night at home watching the All Star game. Kyle is rooting for the National League and I am, of course, rooting for the American League. It's not looking good for me. I love the American League. I love the designated hitter and home runs. It may be controversial but what the heck. I say BRING BACK THE 'ROIDS! Baseball is just way more fun on steroids.

For the players.

Not me.

The girls are fantastic. Madeleine loves playing outside, washing her hands, cleaning, reading books, dancing, and playing with her baby doll. Her favorite person in the whole world is Juliette with Kyle and I coming in close behind. Madeleine wakes up every morning asking for her baby. The way she loves her makes my heart melt.

Juliette is sitting up, almost crawling, and an all around busy girl. If something small is on the floor she will find it and she will eat it. My life is an endless cycle of sweeping, picking up small objects, and fishing pieces of paper our of her toothless mouth. She is just an absolute joy and I love seeing her little personality develop.

As for Kyle and myself, Kyle's career is going great. They are really grooming him for management right now. He is also just so amazing with our girls. We are blessed to have him.

I've been super busy but great as well. My surgery went well and I am excited to be able to eat all of the things I had to give up. I'm also looking forward to the wedding of my best friend, Theresa, in August. I'm the matron of honor.

Pictures to come. Stay tuned!

It's almost funny... almost

With the exception of once right after Madeleine was born my "pain attacks" began in the last month of my pregnancy with Juliette. I would wake up late at night with stabbing pains right between my belly and ribs that would spread throughout my back and chest. I went to the hospital a few times but they always told me it was gas and sent me home. Now I'm not sure why gas would give me that much pain but I took their word for it and cut all spicy foods out of my diet.

In the past month the attacks began to pick up in intensity and frequency but I refused to go back to the hospital because I was sure it was "gas" and I was usually alone with the kids when they would happen. Finally on Tuesday night I called my mom because it was happening again. She asked me what I had eaten for dinner, I told her chicken with gravy, and a light went off in her head. She said I needed to have them check my gallbladder.

Now, I may be an idiot but because I have had kidney stones in the past I just brushed the suggestion off because I figured it would be almost the same thing. But an hour later I could barely breathe and was sobbing on the couch when Kyle forced me to call the doctors and the four of us took off to the doctors.

It was two hours of, "What number are you on the pain scale?" (I never know... I mean I'm crying and the only face crying is ten but I've been in worse pain so... an eight or nine?) and blood pressures and heart monitors and finally vicodin bliss when they decided to do an ultrasound on my gallbladder. Because I told them my mom said to.

"Where does it hurt?"
I point.
"That's where your gallbladder is!"
I think, "Why couldn't they have told me that BACK IN OCTOBER."

The doctor puts the ultrasound thingy on my belly and literally starts going, "Oh WOW! Look at all those gallstones. There's a huge one! And there's a whole CLUSTER OF THEM! This is just GREAT! No wonder you've been in so much pain. You really need to get your gallbladder taken out. Did you know this happens a lot with women who have been pregnant recently?"

And by this point I am wondering what the doctors I saw up until this point were on.

So I had a surgical consult today at UMASS General in Boston and am scheduled for surgery on the 29th of June because I have NO TIME before then. Which means my trip to Houston and New Orleans will be filled with bland food. I mean, what is even the point of Texas and Louisiana without GREAT FOOD?

To be honest I'm just glad they finally figured out what was wrong. It's wonderful that after a simple surgery I'll be able to go back to life as normal. A lot of people don't have such easy fixes. And until then it is something to offer up for those people with illness that don't have a cure. I am one of the lucky ones.

Please pray that I can ward off the attacks until the surgery and for a quick recovery following. My priority is to be better for my babies as soon as possible. It scares Madeleine to see me sick so I want to be as cheerful as possible for her.