Prayer time tonight... Kyle was off to bed and we were doing our family prayers. Except Madeleine was DONE. She wanted to play. So the Our Father went a bit like this
Sarah and Kyle- Our Father, Who art in heaven.
Madeleine- AMEN
S&K- hallowed be Thy Name
M- AMEN AMEN
S&K- Thy kingdom
M- AAAAAMEN! AAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEENNN!!!!
S&K- Come. Thy will
M- NO! AMEN!
S&K- be done...
and so on and so forth.
By the time we got the Hail Mary she was even more DONE. She grabbed her pacifier off the shelf and tried shoving it in Kyle's mouth.
M- DADDY HAVE MADELEINE'S GUCKY! MADELEINE SAID AMEN!!!!!!!
By the Glory Be she was resigned. She plopped down on Kyle's lap and scowled at us.
When we finished she stood up and said, "YAY!"
As I said, prayer time fail.
On the other hand they were both awesome at mass so I'll hold off on the Holy Water bath... at least for tonight.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
How the Mother loves her Son
Most nights Juliette will wake up crying and end up in our bed. Sometimes I nurse her and we both fall back to sleep but on some lovely nights I stay up and just watch her for a while. I kiss her head, rub her hair, listen to her breathe, and just bask in the overwhelming love I feel for her.
Lately though, as Christmas comes closer and closer, I think about how Mary must have done the same thing with her Son. How she must have stayed up at night and just held Him and kissed Him and adored Him. It amazes me even more as a mother how Mary was able to love Jesus like no other person in the world. And if my love for my children seems overwhelming in my imperfection and my sinfulness, I can't even imagine how much she loved Jesus in her freedom from sin and all other impediments to Love. She loved Jesus and a mother and adored him as her God. That must have knocked the breath out of her every, single day.
I'd thought about this before, tried to meditate on what it meant for her to be His mother but honestly couldn't even fathom it. I think as a mother my understanding has only increased one one millionth but when I lie next to my baby and smell her head and watch her eyelids flutter I can just try to ask Mary to show me more how she loves her Son.
Lately though, as Christmas comes closer and closer, I think about how Mary must have done the same thing with her Son. How she must have stayed up at night and just held Him and kissed Him and adored Him. It amazes me even more as a mother how Mary was able to love Jesus like no other person in the world. And if my love for my children seems overwhelming in my imperfection and my sinfulness, I can't even imagine how much she loved Jesus in her freedom from sin and all other impediments to Love. She loved Jesus and a mother and adored him as her God. That must have knocked the breath out of her every, single day.
I'd thought about this before, tried to meditate on what it meant for her to be His mother but honestly couldn't even fathom it. I think as a mother my understanding has only increased one one millionth but when I lie next to my baby and smell her head and watch her eyelids flutter I can just try to ask Mary to show me more how she loves her Son.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things I have learned about Motherhood
Motherhood has a learning curve. With each child you have you learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. You also learn about your child (I hope). Annnnnd, you learn a lot about others and the world in which we live
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
What mass is like with kids
Back before I had kids I would see the two year old climbing all over the pew and think to myself, "Horrors! Surely my children will never do such a thing!" or something like that. That makes it sound like I think in "British"... normally my mind is not that proper.
Nowadays when I see a toddler standing on a pew who isn't pelting other parishioners with hymnals I wonder what they have done to get their kid to behave so nicely.
Our real problem is that because of Kyle's schedule we have to go to either the 4:30 Saturday or the 5:00 Sunday mass and that means that we don't even TRY to get the kids down for their naps. The only thing worse than a baby who has not napped is a baby who was from her crib untimely ripped. (five points to anyone who gets the reference.)
So we usually roll into mass about 2 minutes late. We like less that a mile from our parish but even if we left our house at about a half hour before we had to be there we would probably still end up late. I'm convinced our neighborhood has a Bermuda Triangle thing going on.
And of course, because this is Massachusetts and everyone talks "wicked fast" the priest is just about to begin the Gospel.
Madeleine genuflects before entering the pew and I am proud. Super proud. I'm beaming. We sit down, she sits and folds her hands and goes, "Jesus. Hi. Amen." I'm not smiling like the Cheshire Cat. SO CUTE!
Kyle usually starts off holding Juliette and I am trying to explain what is happening in the mass to Madeleine. Everything is quiet for a minute or two. Soon enough however Juliette is squealing so loud I'm convinced no one can hear the lector and Madeleine is crawling under the pew back and forth transporting the hymnals.
Kyle hands Juliette to me. The squealing gets louder. He tried to pick up Madeleine who now is making a fort out of said hymnals. He picks her up and tells her it is time to pray.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle heads to the back of the church with her where there is no cry room. She is told she has lost her cookie. I hear her NOOOOOOOOs tapering off as he distracts her. Usually she is trying to wash her hands in the holy water font. I'm down with that.
Meanwhile Juliette realizes that I am holding her but she is not nursing. That won't do. She is pulling at my shirts and head butting me in the chest. Kyle comes back just in time. Madeleine says, "HI MOM! HI BABY!" I hand Juliette over to him who starts teething on his shoulder. Madeleine sits in the pew for about a minute. Then she puts down the foot rest, stands on it, and starts leaning forward into the pew in front of us. Her butt is in the air and she cannot get down.
As I am getting her down Kyle is distracting Juliette with the hymnals. He hands her one and she immediately throws it on the floor and reaches for the next because that is just the stage she is in. Madeleine picks up the hymnal, examines it, and starts pointing and loudly saying, "Jesus mommy! Jesus mommy!"
Luckily for us they are normal very good during, as Madeleine calls it, the "HI JESUS" part. The point where I point up at the Eucharist being held in the hands of the priest and tell Madeleine, "There is Jesus." To which she usually says, in a whisper, "Hi Jesus."
On the way back from communion there are people pointing and smiling at them. Those people have clearly not heard what has been going on in the back of the church.
We get back to our seats and without fail one of us has to take one of them to the back of the church again. This is made particularly tricky if we have arrived late and the person at the end of the row has refused to move in so we were stuck in the middle. Usually by the end of mass they have let us out and back in again so many times that my guess is no "isle seat" is worth that amount of trouble. Or they have peaced out right after communion. Once again, this is Massachusetts.
We stay until the priest has processed back up the isle and head out. We stop at the statue of Mary in front of the church because Madeleine loves Jesus Mommy Hail Mary. It hasn't been a peaceful experience and I didn't have much time for contemplation. However I have the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity inside of me so I know that I am the closest I can possibly be to God.
Being a mom doesn't give a lot of time from prayer but it provides a lot of opportunities to grow in holiness.... even though by the end of mass I am usually more tired then when I hit the gym.
Even through their craziness I see the fruits of taking my children to mass in my day to day life, especially in how Madeleine has grown in her prayer life. And she is only two! It's hard but I certainly wouldn't do it any other way. While my children are young I'll have to remember that even though I don't get long peaceful stretches for prayer that God is still working within me through my husband and children. Putting the needs of my children before my own is part of my vocation and it's by living my vocation in even the smallest details that I will grow closer to God. Outside of receiving the Eucharist nothing revitalizes my faith like loving my family because they are my gift from God and my path to Him as well.
I guess what I am saying is that I will take my time alone with God whenever I can get it, those are essential to restore me for day to day life. However since those moments can be hard to come by I am slowly learning how to make the little moments of life a prayer as well. Dishes, laundry, even peeling Madeleine off of the pew during mass. I'm just thankful for the richness of our faith, the goodness of God, and the vocation of being a wife and mother. Especially to such a holy man and such sweet little girls.
Nowadays when I see a toddler standing on a pew who isn't pelting other parishioners with hymnals I wonder what they have done to get their kid to behave so nicely.
Our real problem is that because of Kyle's schedule we have to go to either the 4:30 Saturday or the 5:00 Sunday mass and that means that we don't even TRY to get the kids down for their naps. The only thing worse than a baby who has not napped is a baby who was from her crib untimely ripped. (five points to anyone who gets the reference.)
So we usually roll into mass about 2 minutes late. We like less that a mile from our parish but even if we left our house at about a half hour before we had to be there we would probably still end up late. I'm convinced our neighborhood has a Bermuda Triangle thing going on.
And of course, because this is Massachusetts and everyone talks "wicked fast" the priest is just about to begin the Gospel.
Madeleine genuflects before entering the pew and I am proud. Super proud. I'm beaming. We sit down, she sits and folds her hands and goes, "Jesus. Hi. Amen." I'm not smiling like the Cheshire Cat. SO CUTE!
Kyle usually starts off holding Juliette and I am trying to explain what is happening in the mass to Madeleine. Everything is quiet for a minute or two. Soon enough however Juliette is squealing so loud I'm convinced no one can hear the lector and Madeleine is crawling under the pew back and forth transporting the hymnals.
Kyle hands Juliette to me. The squealing gets louder. He tried to pick up Madeleine who now is making a fort out of said hymnals. He picks her up and tells her it is time to pray.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kyle heads to the back of the church with her where there is no cry room. She is told she has lost her cookie. I hear her NOOOOOOOOs tapering off as he distracts her. Usually she is trying to wash her hands in the holy water font. I'm down with that.
Meanwhile Juliette realizes that I am holding her but she is not nursing. That won't do. She is pulling at my shirts and head butting me in the chest. Kyle comes back just in time. Madeleine says, "HI MOM! HI BABY!" I hand Juliette over to him who starts teething on his shoulder. Madeleine sits in the pew for about a minute. Then she puts down the foot rest, stands on it, and starts leaning forward into the pew in front of us. Her butt is in the air and she cannot get down.
As I am getting her down Kyle is distracting Juliette with the hymnals. He hands her one and she immediately throws it on the floor and reaches for the next because that is just the stage she is in. Madeleine picks up the hymnal, examines it, and starts pointing and loudly saying, "Jesus mommy! Jesus mommy!"
Luckily for us they are normal very good during, as Madeleine calls it, the "HI JESUS" part. The point where I point up at the Eucharist being held in the hands of the priest and tell Madeleine, "There is Jesus." To which she usually says, in a whisper, "Hi Jesus."
On the way back from communion there are people pointing and smiling at them. Those people have clearly not heard what has been going on in the back of the church.
We get back to our seats and without fail one of us has to take one of them to the back of the church again. This is made particularly tricky if we have arrived late and the person at the end of the row has refused to move in so we were stuck in the middle. Usually by the end of mass they have let us out and back in again so many times that my guess is no "isle seat" is worth that amount of trouble. Or they have peaced out right after communion. Once again, this is Massachusetts.
We stay until the priest has processed back up the isle and head out. We stop at the statue of Mary in front of the church because Madeleine loves Jesus Mommy Hail Mary. It hasn't been a peaceful experience and I didn't have much time for contemplation. However I have the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity inside of me so I know that I am the closest I can possibly be to God.
Being a mom doesn't give a lot of time from prayer but it provides a lot of opportunities to grow in holiness.... even though by the end of mass I am usually more tired then when I hit the gym.
Even through their craziness I see the fruits of taking my children to mass in my day to day life, especially in how Madeleine has grown in her prayer life. And she is only two! It's hard but I certainly wouldn't do it any other way. While my children are young I'll have to remember that even though I don't get long peaceful stretches for prayer that God is still working within me through my husband and children. Putting the needs of my children before my own is part of my vocation and it's by living my vocation in even the smallest details that I will grow closer to God. Outside of receiving the Eucharist nothing revitalizes my faith like loving my family because they are my gift from God and my path to Him as well.
I guess what I am saying is that I will take my time alone with God whenever I can get it, those are essential to restore me for day to day life. However since those moments can be hard to come by I am slowly learning how to make the little moments of life a prayer as well. Dishes, laundry, even peeling Madeleine off of the pew during mass. I'm just thankful for the richness of our faith, the goodness of God, and the vocation of being a wife and mother. Especially to such a holy man and such sweet little girls.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The gift of fertility
Every single cycle it's the same thing. The fear of another ectopic pregnancy, the fear of losing my fertility and never being able to have kids again hits me like a brick wall, a punch to the gut, and it knocks the wind out of me. I become paralyzed by fear and overwhelmed by my lack of control.
I can't even talk. All I can do is say, "Jesus." over and over and over again. He knows what I need.
Women, please cherish and respect you fertility. It is such a precious gift.
I can't even talk. All I can do is say, "Jesus." over and over and over again. He knows what I need.
Women, please cherish and respect you fertility. It is such a precious gift.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Typical Prayer Time with Madeleine
"Madeleine, do you want to pray?"
"Yes." *points to chest* "Father, Son" *folds hands* "Amen"
"Madeleine, what do you want to pray for?"
"Thank you Jesus.... ummm... baby, daddy, mom, grandmom, gra, launnick, hannah, carly, daddy, mom, hannah, lainey, grammy, barney, baby bop, bj bop, elmo, mom, daddy, baby, madeleine, nick, cars, grandmom, carly, daddy, baby, barney, cookies, Jesus, mass... ummm... daddy. Amen"
What about Jesus' mommy?
"Yes. Hail Mary. Amen."
"Yes." *points to chest* "Father, Son" *folds hands* "Amen"
"Madeleine, what do you want to pray for?"
"Thank you Jesus.... ummm... baby, daddy, mom, grandmom, gra, launnick, hannah, carly, daddy, mom, hannah, lainey, grammy, barney, baby bop, bj bop, elmo, mom, daddy, baby, madeleine, nick, cars, grandmom, carly, daddy, baby, barney, cookies, Jesus, mass... ummm... daddy. Amen"
What about Jesus' mommy?
"Yes. Hail Mary. Amen."
Friday, September 2, 2011
On quiet nights
It's been a long time since I mourned the loss of my first pregnancy. For some reason, tonight I am mourning. I wouldn't let myself since I have two beautiful babies now. I wouldn't have Madeleine if things didn't go the way they did. But my heart aches when I think of the baby we lost.
It's common, most people go through it. My mom went through it four times, all relatively late in the pregnancy. I lost my baby early on and I lost my fallopian tube too. Half of my fertility. People like to ask questions, make comments about how I can get pregnant with only one tube. They have no idea how scared I was before I had Madeleine. That I would never hold a baby of my own. I thought it would go away after I had Madeleine, that fear of not being able to get pregnant, but both times after I have given birth it comes back. What if it happens again?
It pushes me to get pregnant. It allows me to realize that our fertility is a gift and I should cherish it while I have it because I don't know what the future holds.
I am luckier than so many people. I have two beautiful daughters. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more, like God hasn't blessed me enough. He has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. I want more children because they fill our house with love and laughter. They make me a better person, they bring me closer to God.
I want more children for my daughters. I want them to have siblings, best friends, people they can count on in life to always be there no matter what. I want them to learn selflessness from loving their siblings so they can be prepared for their future vocations. I want them to learn that God first and then family are the priorities. Not money or cars or stuff. They can learn that from a house full of siblings.
I want more children because they strengthen my marriage. They bring my husband and I closer to the Lord and closer to each other. They fulfill the vows we said to each other. I want more children because of what they do to my husband. Because of the man they make him.
I want more children for God. More eternal souls to worship and adore Him. More people to be a light in a dark world. More people to love the poorest of the poor.
Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting more children when God has given me more than I ever imagined so it helps to remember why I am called to be a mother. In order to be a mother you can never be selfish. The vocation demands dying to yourself on a daily basis.
I am twenty-five and I have two children. I could, possibly, have three before I even turn twenty-seven. That makes people uncomfortable, even the best Catholics seem to ask me why. Worry about it being too much. God will never give me more than I can handle. If I have another child, it is because God knows me better than I know myself and He knows I can handle it. I pray that He blesses me with many more in His perfect timing.
For now my job is to enjoy my daughters, to love and teach them and to not focus too much on what the future may hold. Tonight everyone is asleep and so I'm going to quietly allow myself to mourn for the baby we lost for the first time in a long time. Then I'll probably sneak into the room where Madeleine and Juliette sleep just to look at them and remind myself why my sorrow has been turned into dancing.
Still, I am glad we have a little saint in heaven interceding for us. I remember praying to him right when I got pregnant with Madeleine so I know he is interceding before God for me and for our family. And I'll get to meet him someday. That fills me with joy as well.
Little David Behrend, pray for us.
It's common, most people go through it. My mom went through it four times, all relatively late in the pregnancy. I lost my baby early on and I lost my fallopian tube too. Half of my fertility. People like to ask questions, make comments about how I can get pregnant with only one tube. They have no idea how scared I was before I had Madeleine. That I would never hold a baby of my own. I thought it would go away after I had Madeleine, that fear of not being able to get pregnant, but both times after I have given birth it comes back. What if it happens again?
It pushes me to get pregnant. It allows me to realize that our fertility is a gift and I should cherish it while I have it because I don't know what the future holds.
I am luckier than so many people. I have two beautiful daughters. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more, like God hasn't blessed me enough. He has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. I want more children because they fill our house with love and laughter. They make me a better person, they bring me closer to God.
I want more children for my daughters. I want them to have siblings, best friends, people they can count on in life to always be there no matter what. I want them to learn selflessness from loving their siblings so they can be prepared for their future vocations. I want them to learn that God first and then family are the priorities. Not money or cars or stuff. They can learn that from a house full of siblings.
I want more children because they strengthen my marriage. They bring my husband and I closer to the Lord and closer to each other. They fulfill the vows we said to each other. I want more children because of what they do to my husband. Because of the man they make him.
I want more children for God. More eternal souls to worship and adore Him. More people to be a light in a dark world. More people to love the poorest of the poor.
Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting more children when God has given me more than I ever imagined so it helps to remember why I am called to be a mother. In order to be a mother you can never be selfish. The vocation demands dying to yourself on a daily basis.
I am twenty-five and I have two children. I could, possibly, have three before I even turn twenty-seven. That makes people uncomfortable, even the best Catholics seem to ask me why. Worry about it being too much. God will never give me more than I can handle. If I have another child, it is because God knows me better than I know myself and He knows I can handle it. I pray that He blesses me with many more in His perfect timing.
For now my job is to enjoy my daughters, to love and teach them and to not focus too much on what the future may hold. Tonight everyone is asleep and so I'm going to quietly allow myself to mourn for the baby we lost for the first time in a long time. Then I'll probably sneak into the room where Madeleine and Juliette sleep just to look at them and remind myself why my sorrow has been turned into dancing.
Still, I am glad we have a little saint in heaven interceding for us. I remember praying to him right when I got pregnant with Madeleine so I know he is interceding before God for me and for our family. And I'll get to meet him someday. That fills me with joy as well.
Little David Behrend, pray for us.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Rain Suited Up
Well, the Behrend ladies are heading to Connecticut this weekend to wait out Irene. As in the storm, not the song or person. Kyle has to spend a couple of days at the airport doing damage control so he feels much safer if he knows it isn't just me, the babies, and a few flashlights.
I went out to pick up some disposable diapers to bring with me since it's not easy to use cloth with no power and "rain suited up". This meant my knee high rain boots, my water proof North Face jacket, and my rain hat. I looked adorable according the hubby but it was only drizzling at the time. I really wanted to be safe rather than sorry.
When I walked into Starbucks I got a few looks. I was the crazy girl who "rain suited up" way too early. They were all smug in their shorts and t-shirts and flip flops. Then I went into Rite Aid and by the time I got out five minutes later the sky had opened up and it was freaking pouring.
Guess who's smug now SUCKERS!
Well right now Kyle is bringing in the play house and the sand table and tying down the rocking chairs. Which really won't make too much of a difference when we get projectile pelted from all the crap on our neighbor's porch. But it really is adorable how concerned Kyle is about his girls and our little Behr cave.
I'm not looking forward to driving out to Connecticut in the rain but I am really looking forward to seeing my parents and my sister, Carly. They are heading back from dropping Hannah (the one with the awesome hair) off at Franciscan University and are really missing her. A baby Behr fix will make them feel so much better.
And if anyone is wondering, Hannah is doing very well. She made the tennis team and there are boys following her to and fro. So she is doing an excellent job of continuing the legacy. Get it girl! (And by "it" I mean your MRS degree)
That's about all I've got for today. I am praying hard for all of you who are also getting caught in the storm.
I went out to pick up some disposable diapers to bring with me since it's not easy to use cloth with no power and "rain suited up". This meant my knee high rain boots, my water proof North Face jacket, and my rain hat. I looked adorable according the hubby but it was only drizzling at the time. I really wanted to be safe rather than sorry.
When I walked into Starbucks I got a few looks. I was the crazy girl who "rain suited up" way too early. They were all smug in their shorts and t-shirts and flip flops. Then I went into Rite Aid and by the time I got out five minutes later the sky had opened up and it was freaking pouring.
Guess who's smug now SUCKERS!
Well right now Kyle is bringing in the play house and the sand table and tying down the rocking chairs. Which really won't make too much of a difference when we get projectile pelted from all the crap on our neighbor's porch. But it really is adorable how concerned Kyle is about his girls and our little Behr cave.
I'm not looking forward to driving out to Connecticut in the rain but I am really looking forward to seeing my parents and my sister, Carly. They are heading back from dropping Hannah (the one with the awesome hair) off at Franciscan University and are really missing her. A baby Behr fix will make them feel so much better.
And if anyone is wondering, Hannah is doing very well. She made the tennis team and there are boys following her to and fro. So she is doing an excellent job of continuing the legacy. Get it girl! (And by "it" I mean your MRS degree)
That's about all I've got for today. I am praying hard for all of you who are also getting caught in the storm.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
NFP in real life
I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.
We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.
My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.
I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.
When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
In the Behr cave... or wherever it is that Behrs live
So it's been a while since I've done a post about daily life with the baby Behrs and since I am apparently an insomniac all of a sudden now seems as good of a time as ever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
My day usually begins around 10 am. Go ahead, be jealous of me. Just know that this means that my kids are up until at least 10 pm every night. With Kyle's schedule it just works best for me so you'll just have to trust that it's awesome and that it won't permanently damage them or cause them to be criminals by kindergarten. I wake up to Juliette pouncing on top of me excitedly. I generally have only a vague recollection as to how she ended up in our bed instead of the crib but I nurse her and after a while she's done and ready to dive head first off the side of the bed looking for adventure.
I catch her and carry her to Madeleine's crib and place her next to her sister. Madeleine wakes up, wraps her arms around Juliette, and says "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" sometimes tenderly and sometimes with a terrifying amount of enthusiasm. I let them play for a few minutes, start the coffee, and check my email. It's about at this point that the girls realize they are trapped inside the crib, grow restless, and Madeleine tries to remedy the situation but yelling, "MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM" and throwing things out of her crib in protest. I take them out, put them on the floor, and Madeleine and Juliette take off as startling speeds. Madeleine, to see if breakfast is ready and Juliette, to see if there are any small objects she can shove in her mouth before I catch her.
A typical scene is myself, seated, trying to inspire the girls to sit still and join me for story time. Madeleine is in kitten heels, underwear for a necklace, and a purse, pushing Bitty Baby in the doll stroller while Juliette crawls across the room with much determination making sounds that sometimes scare people that don't spend much time with us and don't realize that they come from her. It's this deep growling noise. It's why we call her dinosaur.
Obviously when I start cooking or cleaning that's when they want my attention. Demand my attention. Their very survival depends on my attention. Juliette wants to eat again and Madeleine wants to read or go out. The morning goes on, Kyle gets home around 2:30. The girls are winding down for naps and Kyle wonders why I look so frazzled when they are so relatively calm. All I want to do is sit on the couch while they sleep and spend some time with my good friend Horatio Caine and the CSI team from Miami. Kyle has grand visions of driving the minivan up a mountain. A mountain. With two kids in the back for hours. Awesome plan dude.
I can usually talk Kyle down and get him to relax with me and before we know it the peace we had just begun to enjoy is over and the kids are SO HAPPY TO SEE US. But wait, all of the chores we promised we'd do today are still left undone. No matter! We'll totally clean the car out tomorrow! (It's been months)
Kyle goes to bed around 7:00 and after they finish crying because daddy DARED to leave them to go to sleep, the girls look at me expectantly. GIRL TIME! That's usually when we jet off to Walmart to grab the groceries. Everyone is happy until about the time we reach check out and Juliette starts screaming and Madeleine is trying to shoplift a candy bar and I look exhausted and disheveled as a teenage boy "Mam"s me and I leave the store hurriedly while disapproving older couples look on like their kids NEVER cried in stores. We get home and put away the groceries, play, read, and then (horrors!) I let Madeleine cuddle up to me and watch a show for a few minutes. She starts to conk out, we say our prayers (she loves praying and going to church), get tucked into the crib with our favorite Monkey, and fall quickly to sleep. It's about 10:15 and Juliette realizes that she has me ALL. TO. HERSELF. She can't decide what she wants to do first! Nurse on the left side? Nurse on the right side?
It's ten minutes later and Juliette has passed out drinking yet again. I tuck her into the other crib. I put away the dishes, maybe hang the cloth diapers to dry overnight, perhaps even shower, and finally settle down in front of the TV to make my mind stop. I climb into bed around one thanking God for another wonderful day. My husband and my girls are healthy and thriving and adore me to pieces as I them. I haven't discovered a cure for cancer or fought crime like Horatio but I feel fulfilled.
This is just a general overview of a typical day of the week. We learn, we explore, we eat, we do all the normal things that normal moms do with their kids. As they grow older I will add more and more structure to our days so as to build a foundation for homeschooling. For now though I am trying to enjoy the crud out of them because I hear they don't stay this little forever.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
A Little Way and a long way to go
I've spent a lot of time dwelling on St. Therese lately because I have realized how much she has to teach me. Since becoming a mother my desire for holiness had multiplied time and time again and yet my prayer life has been almost completely shot. I am unable to take both kids to daily mass because of Kyle's schedule and the fact that, I humbly admit, I am completely unable to go to mass with both of them on my own. Most days I barely find time to eat or shower. This is why I turn to Saint Therese.
Saint Therese offered up each moment of her life as an offering to God. She looked at every second of every day as an opportunity to grow in holiness and when those moments slipped by, she was heartbroken. Even the simplest of acts was turned into a prayer. While we live very different lives, her as a cloistered Carmelite and myself as a stay-at-home mother, I feel as though this is the exact type of prayer life that would suit my vocation and allow me the chance to grow in holiness.
First of all, I tend to avoid small tasks that are displeasing to me. For instance, today I was at my sister's tennis game and had just sat down with Juliette on my lap to watch the match when my other sister came up to me asking me to go with her to the bathroom. I wanted to say no so badly. I was tired and my legs were sore from the walk I had taken earlier but I remembered Saint Therese saying, "But why be foolish enough to refuse treasures offered so generously?" Those treasures she spoke of were the small opportunities for holiness that people usually pass by or don't even notice. With that in mind I decided to go to the bathroom with her.
Another thing I can learn from Saint Therese is her desire to be small and hidden in Christ. So often I want people to notice me, especially the good things about me. It's even better if they praise me for those things. First of all, I shouldn't desire the praise of anyone besides the Lord and also my husband and kids who are Christ to me on this earth. Any good thing in me, if I look beautiful or tell a good joke or make an intelligent remark, it is all because of the Lord. Instead of wanting people to see me when those things happen I should want them to see through me to Christ in me who is making them happen. The whole of my existence is to love and serve the Lord and in serving the Lord I should be pointing people to Him and not to myself. If someone can look at me and see Christ than I am doing my job. If they see Sarah than I am failing.
The last thing I have been really meditating on about Saint Therese's Little Way is her joy in suffering. While I have no great crosses I have a lot of little ones. It can be tempting to use them to get attention or to just look at them as a burden rather than a blessing. Saint Therese knew that without a cross there was no resurrection and so she embraced and loved her cross until should could "no longer suffer because all suffering is sweet." I have been blessed with so many things, so much more than most people, and it blows my mind every time I think about just how much I have. This just means I really need to embrace my small crosses even more so I can be assured of a resurrection one day for myself.
Reading the writings of Saint Therese reminds me of just how far I have to go but I feel comforted because she gives me little ways to grow closer to Christ that can fit in with my own vocation as a mother. I can offer up my life as a prayer, I can let Christ shine through me instead of desiring to shine on my own, and I can embrace my small crosses. It is a lot more difficult than it sounds but luckily I have and amazing husband to call me on.
Saint Therese offered up each moment of her life as an offering to God. She looked at every second of every day as an opportunity to grow in holiness and when those moments slipped by, she was heartbroken. Even the simplest of acts was turned into a prayer. While we live very different lives, her as a cloistered Carmelite and myself as a stay-at-home mother, I feel as though this is the exact type of prayer life that would suit my vocation and allow me the chance to grow in holiness.
First of all, I tend to avoid small tasks that are displeasing to me. For instance, today I was at my sister's tennis game and had just sat down with Juliette on my lap to watch the match when my other sister came up to me asking me to go with her to the bathroom. I wanted to say no so badly. I was tired and my legs were sore from the walk I had taken earlier but I remembered Saint Therese saying, "But why be foolish enough to refuse treasures offered so generously?" Those treasures she spoke of were the small opportunities for holiness that people usually pass by or don't even notice. With that in mind I decided to go to the bathroom with her.
Another thing I can learn from Saint Therese is her desire to be small and hidden in Christ. So often I want people to notice me, especially the good things about me. It's even better if they praise me for those things. First of all, I shouldn't desire the praise of anyone besides the Lord and also my husband and kids who are Christ to me on this earth. Any good thing in me, if I look beautiful or tell a good joke or make an intelligent remark, it is all because of the Lord. Instead of wanting people to see me when those things happen I should want them to see through me to Christ in me who is making them happen. The whole of my existence is to love and serve the Lord and in serving the Lord I should be pointing people to Him and not to myself. If someone can look at me and see Christ than I am doing my job. If they see Sarah than I am failing.
The last thing I have been really meditating on about Saint Therese's Little Way is her joy in suffering. While I have no great crosses I have a lot of little ones. It can be tempting to use them to get attention or to just look at them as a burden rather than a blessing. Saint Therese knew that without a cross there was no resurrection and so she embraced and loved her cross until should could "no longer suffer because all suffering is sweet." I have been blessed with so many things, so much more than most people, and it blows my mind every time I think about just how much I have. This just means I really need to embrace my small crosses even more so I can be assured of a resurrection one day for myself.
Reading the writings of Saint Therese reminds me of just how far I have to go but I feel comforted because she gives me little ways to grow closer to Christ that can fit in with my own vocation as a mother. I can offer up my life as a prayer, I can let Christ shine through me instead of desiring to shine on my own, and I can embrace my small crosses. It is a lot more difficult than it sounds but luckily I have and amazing husband to call me on.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The REAL Incredibles
Not sure if anyone besides me can follow my logic but here it goes.
Theoretically, receiving the Eucharist just once should be enough to take us to sainthood. Yet somehow, after countless Sundays of receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity to Christ I am no where near there.
I was watching The Incredibles the other week and the daughter Violet had this latent power of being able to make a force field around herself. It was in her, lying almost dormant, but that power was there. When they were in a plane about to be hit by a missile she tried to use that power but since she hadn't exercised it and tested it enough in the past, she was unable to make a force field strong enough to stop the missile so they had to jump out of the plane. Eventually, after trying, she was able to shield her entire family from harm's way when it really counted.
I feel like that is symbolic of God's grace inside of us. When we receive the Eucharist, or even Baptism or Confirmation, inside of us is the power to do anything spiritually because of that grace. But why aren't we all saints? I feel like it is our lack of practice that keeps us from being able to achieve holiness along with a severe mental block. We doubt that God's grace is sufficient and assume we will fall. We doubt our worthiness and therefore, turn our backs on God's Mercy, ashamed.
If we practiced working with that spiritual power a little more, pushed ourselves spiritually, then when it really mattered, when we were really tempted, we would be able to protect ourselves from sin by that grace of God inside us, just like Violet protected her family in the Incredibles by the power inside of her. The greatest power in the world is inside of us, the power of God, and with great power comes great responsibility. We need to tap into the power God has given us and use it to become Super Saints.
Theoretically, receiving the Eucharist just once should be enough to take us to sainthood. Yet somehow, after countless Sundays of receiving the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity to Christ I am no where near there.
I was watching The Incredibles the other week and the daughter Violet had this latent power of being able to make a force field around herself. It was in her, lying almost dormant, but that power was there. When they were in a plane about to be hit by a missile she tried to use that power but since she hadn't exercised it and tested it enough in the past, she was unable to make a force field strong enough to stop the missile so they had to jump out of the plane. Eventually, after trying, she was able to shield her entire family from harm's way when it really counted.
I feel like that is symbolic of God's grace inside of us. When we receive the Eucharist, or even Baptism or Confirmation, inside of us is the power to do anything spiritually because of that grace. But why aren't we all saints? I feel like it is our lack of practice that keeps us from being able to achieve holiness along with a severe mental block. We doubt that God's grace is sufficient and assume we will fall. We doubt our worthiness and therefore, turn our backs on God's Mercy, ashamed.
If we practiced working with that spiritual power a little more, pushed ourselves spiritually, then when it really mattered, when we were really tempted, we would be able to protect ourselves from sin by that grace of God inside us, just like Violet protected her family in the Incredibles by the power inside of her. The greatest power in the world is inside of us, the power of God, and with great power comes great responsibility. We need to tap into the power God has given us and use it to become Super Saints.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Babies, Babies, Babies oh
There are many days that go by when I have to wonder, why did God trust me to be a mother. I mean, I'm by far not the worst person he could have blessed with children but sometimes I feel wildly inadequate for the vocation I was given.
Being a mom causes me to evaluate myself often and I'm not the type of person who does well looking at her flaws. I'm extremely scrupulous and I beat myself up over everything so a lot of times I try to avoid it. Not the way to get to heaven but it was the only way I found to avoid those nasty tummy aches I got when I realized just how sinful I am and how undeserving I am of God's love and mercy.
Still, God chose to bless me with an amazing husband and two beautiful baby girls. And as I said, being a mom means having to be constantly trying to improve yourself so you can do a better job for your kids. And I suppose that right there is what forces me to do it. I have to do it for my kids and I would do anything for them. Examining my sinfulness becomes something that I want to do. For them. With this new revelation I've found that I spend less time beating myself up over every mistake I make. It's not because I care less but because I can't afford to take time out of loving them to nurture my self pity.
I can still try to atone for my sins but in a much more productive way. Offering up those late nights, the diapers that get all over everything, the tantrums, and the outfits covered in vomit. Even something as small as the dishes becomes a sacrifice. I can do the dishes, which I despise, remembering how I am doing it to serve God and my family. It's not fun but it's infinitely more bearable. I put a placard by my sick with the quote from Mother Theresa that says, "Do small things with great love." because I know that it what my vocation is all about. It is the small things of day to day life that will get me to heaven despite my sinfulness. I'm not perfect but this vocation is giving me so many ways to become like Our Lady and she was.
Tonight my little buddy is sitting on my lap. I would love to be sleeping right now but she wants to snuggle and just be with me. It won't be this way forever, someday she'll be too cool for me, then in college, then married or a nun, and I won't be able to have her sit on my lap and just be. So as much as I would love to sleep, I am enjoying this time.
When I get too down on myself I have to remember the way she loves me. I may not be a perfect mother but my child adores me. She thinks that I am. She doesn't know that I can't sew or sing but she doesn't care. All she cares about is that I love her and that I take care of her, which I do. There is no greater proof to me that I am doing a good job than the smile she gets when she sees me. She knows I love her but she has no idea just how much.
Being a mom causes me to evaluate myself often and I'm not the type of person who does well looking at her flaws. I'm extremely scrupulous and I beat myself up over everything so a lot of times I try to avoid it. Not the way to get to heaven but it was the only way I found to avoid those nasty tummy aches I got when I realized just how sinful I am and how undeserving I am of God's love and mercy.
Still, God chose to bless me with an amazing husband and two beautiful baby girls. And as I said, being a mom means having to be constantly trying to improve yourself so you can do a better job for your kids. And I suppose that right there is what forces me to do it. I have to do it for my kids and I would do anything for them. Examining my sinfulness becomes something that I want to do. For them. With this new revelation I've found that I spend less time beating myself up over every mistake I make. It's not because I care less but because I can't afford to take time out of loving them to nurture my self pity.
I can still try to atone for my sins but in a much more productive way. Offering up those late nights, the diapers that get all over everything, the tantrums, and the outfits covered in vomit. Even something as small as the dishes becomes a sacrifice. I can do the dishes, which I despise, remembering how I am doing it to serve God and my family. It's not fun but it's infinitely more bearable. I put a placard by my sick with the quote from Mother Theresa that says, "Do small things with great love." because I know that it what my vocation is all about. It is the small things of day to day life that will get me to heaven despite my sinfulness. I'm not perfect but this vocation is giving me so many ways to become like Our Lady and she was.
Tonight my little buddy is sitting on my lap. I would love to be sleeping right now but she wants to snuggle and just be with me. It won't be this way forever, someday she'll be too cool for me, then in college, then married or a nun, and I won't be able to have her sit on my lap and just be. So as much as I would love to sleep, I am enjoying this time.
When I get too down on myself I have to remember the way she loves me. I may not be a perfect mother but my child adores me. She thinks that I am. She doesn't know that I can't sew or sing but she doesn't care. All she cares about is that I love her and that I take care of her, which I do. There is no greater proof to me that I am doing a good job than the smile she gets when she sees me. She knows I love her but she has no idea just how much.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
In God's hands
When people used to ask me how many kids I wanted I used to say, "Four." Now, I'm not sure what to say. I'm 25 and have two daughters but that isn't what gives me pause. It's because I have no idea what God's will is for us and I don't want to answer for Him.
Almost a year after Kyle and I got married we were living in his home town of Houston, Texas and I was getting homesick for my family and for the northeast. I wasn't having much luck in the job department either. With a double major in Theology and Catechetics I was obviously looking for something within my field and was coming up with nothing. I spent the first few months of our marriage teaching preschool until I contracted mono and consequently ended up being forced out of that position and took a job at one of my favorite retail chains where I spent more money on clothes than I made.
The whole time a applied for every job within my field that became available but it just wasn't happening. Houston is one of those places where you have to know the right people and we didn't. Fortunately for us, when we decide to look outside of Texas, my mom did. I was hired as a youth minister at a small parish in Massachusetts and we were scheduled to move shortly before our one year anniversary.
With the knowledge on impending employment we decided to be a little bit more relaxed with our practice of NFP and therefore became pregnant right away. Except I didn't know it. I went to a Life Teen training retreat where I thought I got my period but even through that the whole time I had this feeling that something was off. I got home, my period went away, but I continued to have light spotting. After about a week of that we decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was pregnant but something was wrong.
Blood tests confirmed that my HCG levels were rising but not as they should have and the doctors were unable to locate a baby in my uterus. They told me to wait, I waited a week, and one Saturday night in June I was rushed to the hospital in the most intense pain of my life.
With this ultrasound they found our baby but he was not where he should be. It was an ectopic pregnancy and I was schedule for surgery as soon as possible. We consulted a priest friend of ours who we trust for orthodoxy and prayer and realized the only way this could be done and still preserve the dignity of the life of our unborn child would mean the loss of one of my fallopian tubes. I received the anointing of the sick, made my confession, and stayed a sleepless night in the hospital with my husband and mother-in-law by my side. It was the worst night of my life.
After the surgery I was obviously happy to still be alive but I was broken in every way possible. I was in incredible physical pain and even worse emotional pain. I spent the next week in bed sobbing as Kyle held me and my in-laws packed up our apartment to move. We had lost that first child that we had created and half of my fertility. I had always wanted to have children, for as long as I can remember that is all I wanted to do with my life. I had stuffed pillows in my shirt at two, pretended to breastfeed my stuffed animals at three, played house, thought of names, imagined everything about it and it was like all those dreams were slipping through my fingers. In one night I had to come to terms with my own mortality, I could have died if we hadn't gone in and waited like my doctor had told me to do, and the idea that I could lose my future too.
I went though the stages of grief, one by one. Denial, what I had been in until I was rushed into surgery. Anger, at all of those people who complained about their pregnancies and about their children. Didn't they know how lucky they were? Bargaining, Just give me one baby God. Just one. Depression, that one lasted the longest.
And then finally, one September night, acceptance. It had been months that I couldn't drive past a Babies R Us without tearing up. That night, as I passed it on my way home I decided to pull in. I just needed to be there. As I walked around the isles by myself I prayed and talked to the little baby we had lost. I told him that I loved him and I couldn't wait to meet him someday in heaven and that I wanted him to intercede for us before God so that he could have a sibling.
I don't know if I already was, or if it happened that night, or maybe in the nights that followed, but it was about two weeks later that I took another pregnancy test and it was positive again. That day I knew that God's plan was unfolding in a beautiful way.
My pregnancy was extremely difficult but I made it a point not to complain. See, too many people don't get my happy ending. I have two beautiful babies and so many people never even get one. How can I complain about something so amazing? Motherhood is supposed to challenge us, that's how we become purified for Christ, and why shouldn't it start right at the beginning in our first trimester. I was so thankful for the sickness, I swear I would throw up and just praise God because I couldn't believe that I was having a baby. It was a constant reminder of God's abundant MERCY.
Madeleine was born one year to the day from when we lost our first sweet baby, who I named David. God makes all things new.
There are still times that I mourn for our loss but I know deep down that this is the way God intended it to be. Without that loss I wouldn't have that same appreciation for the difficult times of motherhood, just like without knowledge of our sinfulness we cannot appreciate God's MERCY and forgiveness. We have a child in heaven interceding for us and Madeleine in our arms to show us God's love here on earth.
The other blessing of that time was Kyle. I had obviously been in love with him before, I married him after all, but our love was taken to a whole new level through this trial of faith. Kyle laid down his life to take care of me day after day. He carried me to Christ when he himself was broken by grief. We held each other and learned to trust each other more than we ever had before. I could see Christ in him more clearly and it was so beautiful. That is what marriage is all about. That is why I married that man. So he could be Christ to me.
So when people ask me how many kids I want I have to tell them that it isn't in my hands. I know full well that something could happen and I could not be able to give birth again. I know that I have many fertile years ahead of me and don't exactly have the best grasp on NFP. And I know that God's plan is so much better than mine so I had better trust Him.
For now, I'll enjoy my husband and our two beautiful daughters. I'm not in any rush right now. But I also keep some baby names in the back of my mind... just in case.
Sweet baby David, pray for us.
Almost a year after Kyle and I got married we were living in his home town of Houston, Texas and I was getting homesick for my family and for the northeast. I wasn't having much luck in the job department either. With a double major in Theology and Catechetics I was obviously looking for something within my field and was coming up with nothing. I spent the first few months of our marriage teaching preschool until I contracted mono and consequently ended up being forced out of that position and took a job at one of my favorite retail chains where I spent more money on clothes than I made.
The whole time a applied for every job within my field that became available but it just wasn't happening. Houston is one of those places where you have to know the right people and we didn't. Fortunately for us, when we decide to look outside of Texas, my mom did. I was hired as a youth minister at a small parish in Massachusetts and we were scheduled to move shortly before our one year anniversary.
With the knowledge on impending employment we decided to be a little bit more relaxed with our practice of NFP and therefore became pregnant right away. Except I didn't know it. I went to a Life Teen training retreat where I thought I got my period but even through that the whole time I had this feeling that something was off. I got home, my period went away, but I continued to have light spotting. After about a week of that we decided to take a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was pregnant but something was wrong.
Blood tests confirmed that my HCG levels were rising but not as they should have and the doctors were unable to locate a baby in my uterus. They told me to wait, I waited a week, and one Saturday night in June I was rushed to the hospital in the most intense pain of my life.
With this ultrasound they found our baby but he was not where he should be. It was an ectopic pregnancy and I was schedule for surgery as soon as possible. We consulted a priest friend of ours who we trust for orthodoxy and prayer and realized the only way this could be done and still preserve the dignity of the life of our unborn child would mean the loss of one of my fallopian tubes. I received the anointing of the sick, made my confession, and stayed a sleepless night in the hospital with my husband and mother-in-law by my side. It was the worst night of my life.
After the surgery I was obviously happy to still be alive but I was broken in every way possible. I was in incredible physical pain and even worse emotional pain. I spent the next week in bed sobbing as Kyle held me and my in-laws packed up our apartment to move. We had lost that first child that we had created and half of my fertility. I had always wanted to have children, for as long as I can remember that is all I wanted to do with my life. I had stuffed pillows in my shirt at two, pretended to breastfeed my stuffed animals at three, played house, thought of names, imagined everything about it and it was like all those dreams were slipping through my fingers. In one night I had to come to terms with my own mortality, I could have died if we hadn't gone in and waited like my doctor had told me to do, and the idea that I could lose my future too.
I went though the stages of grief, one by one. Denial, what I had been in until I was rushed into surgery. Anger, at all of those people who complained about their pregnancies and about their children. Didn't they know how lucky they were? Bargaining, Just give me one baby God. Just one. Depression, that one lasted the longest.
And then finally, one September night, acceptance. It had been months that I couldn't drive past a Babies R Us without tearing up. That night, as I passed it on my way home I decided to pull in. I just needed to be there. As I walked around the isles by myself I prayed and talked to the little baby we had lost. I told him that I loved him and I couldn't wait to meet him someday in heaven and that I wanted him to intercede for us before God so that he could have a sibling.
I don't know if I already was, or if it happened that night, or maybe in the nights that followed, but it was about two weeks later that I took another pregnancy test and it was positive again. That day I knew that God's plan was unfolding in a beautiful way.
My pregnancy was extremely difficult but I made it a point not to complain. See, too many people don't get my happy ending. I have two beautiful babies and so many people never even get one. How can I complain about something so amazing? Motherhood is supposed to challenge us, that's how we become purified for Christ, and why shouldn't it start right at the beginning in our first trimester. I was so thankful for the sickness, I swear I would throw up and just praise God because I couldn't believe that I was having a baby. It was a constant reminder of God's abundant MERCY.
Madeleine was born one year to the day from when we lost our first sweet baby, who I named David. God makes all things new.
There are still times that I mourn for our loss but I know deep down that this is the way God intended it to be. Without that loss I wouldn't have that same appreciation for the difficult times of motherhood, just like without knowledge of our sinfulness we cannot appreciate God's MERCY and forgiveness. We have a child in heaven interceding for us and Madeleine in our arms to show us God's love here on earth.
The other blessing of that time was Kyle. I had obviously been in love with him before, I married him after all, but our love was taken to a whole new level through this trial of faith. Kyle laid down his life to take care of me day after day. He carried me to Christ when he himself was broken by grief. We held each other and learned to trust each other more than we ever had before. I could see Christ in him more clearly and it was so beautiful. That is what marriage is all about. That is why I married that man. So he could be Christ to me.
So when people ask me how many kids I want I have to tell them that it isn't in my hands. I know full well that something could happen and I could not be able to give birth again. I know that I have many fertile years ahead of me and don't exactly have the best grasp on NFP. And I know that God's plan is so much better than mine so I had better trust Him.
For now, I'll enjoy my husband and our two beautiful daughters. I'm not in any rush right now. But I also keep some baby names in the back of my mind... just in case.
Sweet baby David, pray for us.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Why I'm not a fan of how-to blogs
There are so many mom blogs out there and there are so many schools of thought on parenting. Each mom tries, hopefully, to do her best for her kids. She takes the advice of her own mother, books, friends, her pediatrician, and melds them together with her own instincts. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with sweet Madeleine on October 7th, 2008, I have been trying to make my own way. For a while I became overwhelmed by all the different possibilities and paths that motherhood provided. My starting point and ending point would be the goal of getting my child ready for heaven, but I had no idea what would be on that path.
Finding your own way to mother your children is a lot like finding your spirituality. There are so many options, so much wealth from those who have gone before you and done it successfully, and sometimes I felt like I could lose myself along the way if I listened to others to much and didn't trust myself.
There are the essentials in both. Mass, Adoration, Confession, Prayer, Mary, Scripture and Tradition in finding your path to Christ. In Motherhood, love, discipline, food, education. And then there are the things you can do to enhance your spiritual life or your life as a mother. There are rosaries, Liturgy of the Hours, Divine Mercy Chaplets, devotion to certain saints, litanies and other such kinds of prayer. In motherhood there is cosleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering, homeschooling, play groups, dance lessons, sports teams, etc. And then there is the "type" you fall into. Traditional or Charismatic? Crunchy Granola or Urban Mom on the Go?
So what I end up wondering is at the end of the day, why do we let ourselves be defined and even divided by the non essentials? I am a mom. It's who I am, what I do, what I love. My kids are healthy, happy and thriving. And usually so is my spiritual life. So how come I am judged for what I do or don't do with them? For saying I don't do natural child birth or I plan to home school. For saying that I love praise and worship as well as receiving communion at the altar rail. People seem to take those little differences to dismiss me and other moms. But the thing is, what we can all agree on, is that God is first in our lives. So are our kids. Why can't we be united on that and encourage each other on our separate paths. After all, we may be on different paths but we are hopefully trying to get to the same place; heaven.
I'm not a fan of mom blogs that tell you how to do things, at least tell your how you SHOULD do things, because I believe that God created us each as individuals. I could not be the same mother as you, just as I could not have the same spirituality as you or be married to your husband. One of the glorious things about God is that for as many different souls as He creates, he creates that many paths to Him. On my path to him are my husband and children. I will love them in my own unique way because that is the way he created me to love them. I love advice, I love tips, because we should all want to do our best, but I don't want you to tell me that your way is the only way. For you, maybe. For me, no.
My prayers are with all of my fellow mommies. This job we have is challenging enough on it's own and moms every day can be brought down by the pressures they put on themselves. Let's be a support to each other and not another cross.
Lord, thank you for my precious daughters and for creating me to be their mommy. I will always try to love them with your love and to reflect your mother in all I do.
Finding your own way to mother your children is a lot like finding your spirituality. There are so many options, so much wealth from those who have gone before you and done it successfully, and sometimes I felt like I could lose myself along the way if I listened to others to much and didn't trust myself.
There are the essentials in both. Mass, Adoration, Confession, Prayer, Mary, Scripture and Tradition in finding your path to Christ. In Motherhood, love, discipline, food, education. And then there are the things you can do to enhance your spiritual life or your life as a mother. There are rosaries, Liturgy of the Hours, Divine Mercy Chaplets, devotion to certain saints, litanies and other such kinds of prayer. In motherhood there is cosleeping, baby wearing, cloth diapering, homeschooling, play groups, dance lessons, sports teams, etc. And then there is the "type" you fall into. Traditional or Charismatic? Crunchy Granola or Urban Mom on the Go?
So what I end up wondering is at the end of the day, why do we let ourselves be defined and even divided by the non essentials? I am a mom. It's who I am, what I do, what I love. My kids are healthy, happy and thriving. And usually so is my spiritual life. So how come I am judged for what I do or don't do with them? For saying I don't do natural child birth or I plan to home school. For saying that I love praise and worship as well as receiving communion at the altar rail. People seem to take those little differences to dismiss me and other moms. But the thing is, what we can all agree on, is that God is first in our lives. So are our kids. Why can't we be united on that and encourage each other on our separate paths. After all, we may be on different paths but we are hopefully trying to get to the same place; heaven.
I'm not a fan of mom blogs that tell you how to do things, at least tell your how you SHOULD do things, because I believe that God created us each as individuals. I could not be the same mother as you, just as I could not have the same spirituality as you or be married to your husband. One of the glorious things about God is that for as many different souls as He creates, he creates that many paths to Him. On my path to him are my husband and children. I will love them in my own unique way because that is the way he created me to love them. I love advice, I love tips, because we should all want to do our best, but I don't want you to tell me that your way is the only way. For you, maybe. For me, no.
My prayers are with all of my fellow mommies. This job we have is challenging enough on it's own and moms every day can be brought down by the pressures they put on themselves. Let's be a support to each other and not another cross.
Lord, thank you for my precious daughters and for creating me to be their mommy. I will always try to love them with your love and to reflect your mother in all I do.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I literally almost drove her to the church with her rubber ducky to bathe her in the holy water.
It is one in the morning. Madeleine went to bed only one hour ago. At midnight.
Every time I put her in her crib she screamed like I was torturing her, as she has been doing for the past week and a half since we got back from New Mexico. She just stands up and screams. And screams. And screams.
So I will get her out, feed her, cuddle her and usually within 5 minutes of cuddling her she is passed out cold in my arms which means she is not sick, she just has a terrible temper. Kyle and I have noooo idea where she got that from.
So now I have to figure out how to get her back to the sweet baby who fell asleep at a decent time in her crib by herself. I have no idea how to do that. I do know one thing though, if this is how it is going to be when we come back from vacation we are never leaving the eastern time zone ever again.
Also, I really wish I had a mom friend near me that I could meet for coffee and talk about mom things with, not just over the phone but in person. Someone my age in my state of life.
So my prayers tonight are please help me figure out how to help my sweet baby get back to a normal sleep schedule and can I please have a friend pretty please with a cherry on top. Thank you Lord for my baby and help me to be a better, more patient mother.
Every time I put her in her crib she screamed like I was torturing her, as she has been doing for the past week and a half since we got back from New Mexico. She just stands up and screams. And screams. And screams.
So I will get her out, feed her, cuddle her and usually within 5 minutes of cuddling her she is passed out cold in my arms which means she is not sick, she just has a terrible temper. Kyle and I have noooo idea where she got that from.
So now I have to figure out how to get her back to the sweet baby who fell asleep at a decent time in her crib by herself. I have no idea how to do that. I do know one thing though, if this is how it is going to be when we come back from vacation we are never leaving the eastern time zone ever again.
Also, I really wish I had a mom friend near me that I could meet for coffee and talk about mom things with, not just over the phone but in person. Someone my age in my state of life.
So my prayers tonight are please help me figure out how to help my sweet baby get back to a normal sleep schedule and can I please have a friend pretty please with a cherry on top. Thank you Lord for my baby and help me to be a better, more patient mother.
Quick, while she's distracted!
These past few days have been insanely busy. We'll start off with the three day trip to my parent's house, the midnight hospital visit as a result of the massive pain I am constantly in being pregnant, and two full days of recoup and cleaning. Not to mention Madeleine's Teething Adventures at Bedtime. I'd be absolutely exhausted if the constant agony in my back and legs wasn't forcing me to stay on the couch at almost all times. Of course, with that said, I am abundantly blessed to be expecting again so creating another baby is worth all the discomfort and stress.
The thing is, being on the couch isn't all that restful. Why? Because I have a one year old hell bent on self destruction, that's why. As I write she is pushing a table across the living room towards the gate. Probably to try to use for climbing. Joy of joys she discovered how to climb this week so I am constantly on full alert, pulling her off of the couch, the chair, the foot rest, the book shelf. The other reason she could be pushing the table is because even though she can walk unassisted she still insists on using a walker at all times and avoiding crawling whenever possible. Plus, as an added bonus, her table plays music so she can push a button and just dance while she pulls every book off the book shelf. I will never be able to complain that I have no entertainment around here. Every second Madeleine is awake is amusing.
And speaking of Madeleine being awake, it is 10:30 and guess who is showing no signs of being ready for a nap? It's MADELEINE!!! My little buddy loves staying up and just hanging with mom. We tried to wake her up early today but she just passed out on the floor so it didn't work too well. Last night she went to bed at 11:00 which was a triumph for me and left my husband completely frazzled. He usually goes to bed by 7:00 for work and so does not have the privilege of wrestling her under her sheets at night. When she does fall asleep though she is the sweetest thing in the world to watch. He eyes start to close slowly, she grips her blanket with both tiny fists, and starts sucking on her pacifier loudly. Sometimes she even snores.
With all the difficulties that come from being a parent of a one year old and 22 weeks pregnant, I really can't complain. Well, I have and I do, but I really shouldn't. Even on the most hectic days when I am in the most pain I am extremely happy. Everything I ever wanted from the time I could dream about my future has come true. I dreamed of marrying a handsome prince (I even named him Kyle in the stories I wrote) and having beautiful children. Kyle is my best friend in the entire world, Madeleine is the light of my life, and Juliette is going to bring even more love into our lives than I could ever dream of.
This past Sunday the readings at mass really spoke to me. The first one was about Sarah being blessed with a child, the second was about redemptive suffering, and the Gospel was about choosing the better part and living a life of prayer. This is what I got from it. I'm blessed to be pregnant again so I should offer up my sufferings and use this time as a time to just be in the presence of the Lord. It sounds like a good plan to me.
Well, Madeleine has ditched her table and is standing next to me smiling. My cue that she wants some mommy snuggle time. Yup, couldn't be more blessed.
The thing is, being on the couch isn't all that restful. Why? Because I have a one year old hell bent on self destruction, that's why. As I write she is pushing a table across the living room towards the gate. Probably to try to use for climbing. Joy of joys she discovered how to climb this week so I am constantly on full alert, pulling her off of the couch, the chair, the foot rest, the book shelf. The other reason she could be pushing the table is because even though she can walk unassisted she still insists on using a walker at all times and avoiding crawling whenever possible. Plus, as an added bonus, her table plays music so she can push a button and just dance while she pulls every book off the book shelf. I will never be able to complain that I have no entertainment around here. Every second Madeleine is awake is amusing.
And speaking of Madeleine being awake, it is 10:30 and guess who is showing no signs of being ready for a nap? It's MADELEINE!!! My little buddy loves staying up and just hanging with mom. We tried to wake her up early today but she just passed out on the floor so it didn't work too well. Last night she went to bed at 11:00 which was a triumph for me and left my husband completely frazzled. He usually goes to bed by 7:00 for work and so does not have the privilege of wrestling her under her sheets at night. When she does fall asleep though she is the sweetest thing in the world to watch. He eyes start to close slowly, she grips her blanket with both tiny fists, and starts sucking on her pacifier loudly. Sometimes she even snores.
With all the difficulties that come from being a parent of a one year old and 22 weeks pregnant, I really can't complain. Well, I have and I do, but I really shouldn't. Even on the most hectic days when I am in the most pain I am extremely happy. Everything I ever wanted from the time I could dream about my future has come true. I dreamed of marrying a handsome prince (I even named him Kyle in the stories I wrote) and having beautiful children. Kyle is my best friend in the entire world, Madeleine is the light of my life, and Juliette is going to bring even more love into our lives than I could ever dream of.
This past Sunday the readings at mass really spoke to me. The first one was about Sarah being blessed with a child, the second was about redemptive suffering, and the Gospel was about choosing the better part and living a life of prayer. This is what I got from it. I'm blessed to be pregnant again so I should offer up my sufferings and use this time as a time to just be in the presence of the Lord. It sounds like a good plan to me.
Well, Madeleine has ditched her table and is standing next to me smiling. My cue that she wants some mommy snuggle time. Yup, couldn't be more blessed.
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