Ten years ago tomorrow was one of the best and most important days of my life. I had no idea. It was the day my future husband would come into the Catholic Church.
Ever since I had entered high school and started going to Life Teen at my parish in Connecticut I had been praying for him, praying for his faith and his relationship with God and just wondering where he was.
He was in Texas searching. Searching for answers that he finally found in the Catholic Church. It was a long journey for him but with the sometimes not-so-gentle prodding of his friends he started attending Life Teen events during his senior year of high school. He went on a retreat, went to adoration, and was taught all about the Eucharist and Mary and the saints and the pope. These were beliefs that had seemed strange to him even in the theology classrooms of his Catholic all guy's high school. Still, God was working in him and on New Year's eve 2001 he came to believe in the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist as he knelt in adoration. He decided there and then that he was going to become Catholic.
It wasn't until Easter vigil 2002, over a full year later, that he became part of the Church. He said he wanted that whole year to prepare himself. He was a freshman at the time at Southern Methodist University in Dallas and as he tells me, basically taught the RCIA classes himself. He realized then that he wanted to transfer to a Catholic University and therefore applied and got accepted to the Franciscan University of Steubenville. It was in the first month of his freshman year that a bright eyed, blond haired high school senior arrived on campus for her college visit and met this neophyte. We were married a little less than five years later.
Our shared faith is the foundation of our marriage. It has been essential to every aspect of our marriage and has kept us strong in the hardest times. We each call each other on to holiness because we know that this world is not what we are made for. It is by being married to each other that we will be purified for heaven. Our faith is not only our foundation it is our path and our destination. It is the whole of who we are and what we want to be. Even being married young we can be assured that our marriage will last because in our weakness God is strong and we center our life on God.
That day 10 years ago God was shaping my life and I didn't know it. Without becoming a Catholic, we would have never met and he will readily admit that he would not have been the man I fell in love with. And he is an amazing man. I am so thankful to all of the people who helped him along this journey. David and Katie Garcia, Joe Florez, Edward Houser, Father Michael Earthman, and many, many others. You are a blessing in our life and I thank you.
Sometimes God is doing huge things on what seems like an ordinary day. I was just sitting in my church in Connecticut on a normal Easter Sunday and God was still transforming my life. I had been praying for my spouse for years at that point and it wouldn't be until years later that I would be able to see exactly what God had been up to.
Kyle, I love you. Happy 10 years as a Catholic. Don't be afraid to tell me that our wedding was the second best day of your life because I know that this was the best. It was the best day of my life too.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
7 Quick Takes- The one where I make some nerdy Star Wars references
7. It was eighty degrees yesterday so we ventured to the park again. Last summer Juliette was still too little to do a lot of exploring on her own. This is no longer the case. She kept running away from me, chasing a little boy, climbing the slides, and bouncing on the seesaw. Let's just say that I definitely got a work out.
Running away. Saw a lot of her cute little rear that day.
Confined to one place. A peaceful two minutes!
6. The weening process is going so smoothly this week. It's been almost a week since she nursed and she can now cuddle me without pawing at my chest... if only she could teach her father that trick. When she does come up to me looking to nurse I just say, "These are not the boobs you are looking for." and she walks away. I may be a jedi. I was sad for a few days but now I am just so happy with the decision we made to do this. Not only am I feeling healthier but she is sleeping through the night for the first time in her 16 month old existence and taking naps. It's a beautiful thing folks.
5. It deeply disturbs me to realize that I have favorite episodes of Barney now. It disturbs me on a whole new level when I am upset if the girls to pick an episode that I like. Really though as long as the episode they pick doesn't have "Riff" in it then I am game. I have very dark feelings towards that particular dinosaur
Exhausted and snuggling to a Barney episode after the park. Such sweet sisters!
4. Remember the days when I was concerned that Madeleine never talked. Welllll now she never really stops. Ever. The kids says the strangest things too. We call them "Madeleisms". Here are a few.
"I went poop in the corner on the floor and daddy had to wipe it up and he was very cranky"
...She tells this story about the time she got "sick" in the corner of the house to anyone who will listen. It's pretty much her favorite.
"Look mommy! Baby is a horse and I am riding her."
...She exclaimed this as she chased her crying sister around the house trying to climb onto her back.
"It's Madeleine and her friends!"- Momma Behr (singing along to the tune of the Thomas theme)
"Mom. I am not Thomas. And I am NOT Percy."- Madeleine
...I stand corrected
"Do you want to listen to Raffi?"- Momma Behr (we like to listen to music while we play)
"No mom. I want Taylor Swift 'Sparks Fly'". - Madeleine
...She knows at least half the lyrics.
3. The potty training is going... slowly. I think the kid only goes on the potty when she has a chocolate craving because she knows she will get a chocolate cookies. Whatever. I'm not in a huge rush.
Now Madeleine this is something you CAN actually ride.
2. Cutest thing ever. Juliette makes a lot of trouble, totally that kind of one year old. Except now whenever she knocks something over she looks up at me, absolutely beaming, and says, "Uh oh!" in the tiniest, cutest voice ever. It's like she knows that if she reaches a certain degree of cuteness that I just melt. The force is strong in that one.
"Uh oh!" She helped daddy do the dishes.
1. Madeleine was given a crucifix necklace as a gift from her auntie that she loves to show to absolutely anyone who will listen. She says, "Look! It's Jesus on the cross!" and then she gives him a kiss. Her devotion to the crucified Christ is absolutely adorable (and very Lent appropriate). She found a big wall crucifix that she insisted on taking with her as we ran errands so she could "hug and kiss Jesus on the cross". I could hear her in the car seat as I drove going, "I love you Jesus! BIG HUG! BIG KISS!" What do you think? Future nun?
Well that's it for this Friday. For more quick takes go to www.conversationdiary.com!
6. The weening process is going so smoothly this week. It's been almost a week since she nursed and she can now cuddle me without pawing at my chest... if only she could teach her father that trick. When she does come up to me looking to nurse I just say, "These are not the boobs you are looking for." and she walks away. I may be a jedi. I was sad for a few days but now I am just so happy with the decision we made to do this. Not only am I feeling healthier but she is sleeping through the night for the first time in her 16 month old existence and taking naps. It's a beautiful thing folks.
5. It deeply disturbs me to realize that I have favorite episodes of Barney now. It disturbs me on a whole new level when I am upset if the girls to pick an episode that I like. Really though as long as the episode they pick doesn't have "Riff" in it then I am game. I have very dark feelings towards that particular dinosaur
4. Remember the days when I was concerned that Madeleine never talked. Welllll now she never really stops. Ever. The kids says the strangest things too. We call them "Madeleisms". Here are a few.
"I went poop in the corner on the floor and daddy had to wipe it up and he was very cranky"
...She tells this story about the time she got "sick" in the corner of the house to anyone who will listen. It's pretty much her favorite.
"Look mommy! Baby is a horse and I am riding her."
...She exclaimed this as she chased her crying sister around the house trying to climb onto her back.
"It's Madeleine and her friends!"- Momma Behr (singing along to the tune of the Thomas theme)
"Mom. I am not Thomas. And I am NOT Percy."- Madeleine
...I stand corrected
"Do you want to listen to Raffi?"- Momma Behr (we like to listen to music while we play)
"No mom. I want Taylor Swift 'Sparks Fly'". - Madeleine
...She knows at least half the lyrics.
3. The potty training is going... slowly. I think the kid only goes on the potty when she has a chocolate craving because she knows she will get a chocolate cookies. Whatever. I'm not in a huge rush.
2. Cutest thing ever. Juliette makes a lot of trouble, totally that kind of one year old. Except now whenever she knocks something over she looks up at me, absolutely beaming, and says, "Uh oh!" in the tiniest, cutest voice ever. It's like she knows that if she reaches a certain degree of cuteness that I just melt. The force is strong in that one.
1. Madeleine was given a crucifix necklace as a gift from her auntie that she loves to show to absolutely anyone who will listen. She says, "Look! It's Jesus on the cross!" and then she gives him a kiss. Her devotion to the crucified Christ is absolutely adorable (and very Lent appropriate). She found a big wall crucifix that she insisted on taking with her as we ran errands so she could "hug and kiss Jesus on the cross". I could hear her in the car seat as I drove going, "I love you Jesus! BIG HUG! BIG KISS!" What do you think? Future nun?
Well that's it for this Friday. For more quick takes go to www.conversationdiary.com!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Daddy-Daughter Date Day
They had been talking about it for weeks. Kyle and Madeleine were going on a daddy-daughter date. We'd had to put it off a few times because of illness but this week they were both healthy so I agreed that it should be put off no longer.
Kyle woke Madeleine up on Tuesday and asked her if she wanted to go on a plane. My usually very slow-to-wake toddler sprang out of bed and Kyle got her dressed up. They then took off for the airport, boarded a plane to Baltimore, and headed off on their adventure.
Madeleine would have been satisfied with just going on a plane, heck she probably would have been satisfied by watching planes with daddy at the airport, but when they landed in Baltimore Kyle had more surprised planned for her.
First, they had lunch in the airport terminal and then got on a train (A TRAIN!) to head over the aquarium to see the fishies! While they were on the train they even got to see a helicopter, which Madeleine hasn't stopped talking about since. At the aquarium they saw all sorts of fishies (Madeleine went up to the tanks of small fishes and went, "GUPPY GUPPY!!!" which I think all my Agape friends will appreciate.) and they also saw birds (which were her favorite, go figure), sharks, and a dolphin show! Madeleine came home telling me about how the dolphins were so funny and how they splashed all around in the water.
When they were leaving they made a stop over at the gift shop and Kyle let her pick out one present. She opted for a blue bird for herself and insisted on getting her little sister a pink dolphin, which Kyle obliged since it was so sweet that she even thought of her sister.
They took the train back to the airport and flew home to Boston. When they got back to the house Madeleine ran furiously in the door, her face full of excitement, and jumped on my lap to tell me all about her amazing day with the best daddy in the world. She gave her sister her present and we all settled on the couch to snuggle and spend time as a family... and eat chocolate ice cream.
Basically it was the most perfect date my two year old could have ever had with her daddy. I love them both so much!
Kyle woke Madeleine up on Tuesday and asked her if she wanted to go on a plane. My usually very slow-to-wake toddler sprang out of bed and Kyle got her dressed up. They then took off for the airport, boarded a plane to Baltimore, and headed off on their adventure.
Madeleine would have been satisfied with just going on a plane, heck she probably would have been satisfied by watching planes with daddy at the airport, but when they landed in Baltimore Kyle had more surprised planned for her.
First, they had lunch in the airport terminal and then got on a train (A TRAIN!) to head over the aquarium to see the fishies! While they were on the train they even got to see a helicopter, which Madeleine hasn't stopped talking about since. At the aquarium they saw all sorts of fishies (Madeleine went up to the tanks of small fishes and went, "GUPPY GUPPY!!!" which I think all my Agape friends will appreciate.) and they also saw birds (which were her favorite, go figure), sharks, and a dolphin show! Madeleine came home telling me about how the dolphins were so funny and how they splashed all around in the water.
When they were leaving they made a stop over at the gift shop and Kyle let her pick out one present. She opted for a blue bird for herself and insisted on getting her little sister a pink dolphin, which Kyle obliged since it was so sweet that she even thought of her sister.
They took the train back to the airport and flew home to Boston. When they got back to the house Madeleine ran furiously in the door, her face full of excitement, and jumped on my lap to tell me all about her amazing day with the best daddy in the world. She gave her sister her present and we all settled on the couch to snuggle and spend time as a family... and eat chocolate ice cream.
Basically it was the most perfect date my two year old could have ever had with her daddy. I love them both so much!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Sweetest Thing
Today Madeleine was playing in the living room when and laughing with her sister while I checked some email over by the computer. We were talking and suddenly she stopped playing, walked over to me, and motioned for me to come closer. I turned to her, she grabbed my cheeks in each hand, drew my face in, stared into my eyes and said, "I love you mommy. I love you." I scooped her up and told her that I loved her too. She said, "Thank you so much." and hugged me close.
I'm not a perfect person or a perfect mother but I have raised a very sweet, loving, caring little girl. God is very, very good to me.
I'm not a perfect person or a perfect mother but I have raised a very sweet, loving, caring little girl. God is very, very good to me.
Monday, February 13, 2012
This love is ours
To Kyle,
I love you. Thank you for loving me more than I could have ever imagined anyone could love me. You reveal God to me in your love. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, for looking past the fronts I put up, for listening to what I say and to what I don't. Thank you for being there for me no matter what and for always being so strong and steadfast in the face of adversity.
I was listening to my ITunes tonight as I made the brownies, dancing and singing like an idiot as usual, and Taylor Swift's "Ours" came on... and it pretty much summed up how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel like we are so misunderstood. Sometimes the world is a sad and discouraging place.
Then I remember that I have you.
No matter what people throw at us your love for me will give me the strength to persevere. I know that you are with me, 100 percent, all the time. Through you God turns my sorrow into joy.
I know Valentine's Day is a little bit cheesy (and I know a proclamation of love on my blog is a bit embarrassing) but with all you do for me if it's one more day to tell you just how much I love you and how you have made me happier than I ever imagined I could be then I will take it. I love you so, so much.
And because I want to up the ante on the cheese factor, I am copy pasting lyrics.
Happy Valentine's Day babe!
Love,
Sarah
"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours"
I love you. Thank you for loving me more than I could have ever imagined anyone could love me. You reveal God to me in your love. Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, for looking past the fronts I put up, for listening to what I say and to what I don't. Thank you for being there for me no matter what and for always being so strong and steadfast in the face of adversity.
I was listening to my ITunes tonight as I made the brownies, dancing and singing like an idiot as usual, and Taylor Swift's "Ours" came on... and it pretty much summed up how I feel right now. Sometimes I feel like we are so misunderstood. Sometimes the world is a sad and discouraging place.
Then I remember that I have you.
No matter what people throw at us your love for me will give me the strength to persevere. I know that you are with me, 100 percent, all the time. Through you God turns my sorrow into joy.
I know Valentine's Day is a little bit cheesy (and I know a proclamation of love on my blog is a bit embarrassing) but with all you do for me if it's one more day to tell you just how much I love you and how you have made me happier than I ever imagined I could be then I will take it. I love you so, so much.
And because I want to up the ante on the cheese factor, I am copy pasting lyrics.
Happy Valentine's Day babe!
Love,
Sarah
"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out, but my choice is you
So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
And life makes love look hard
The stakes are high, the water's rough, but this love is ours"
Speaking words of wisdom, "Let it be."
Yesterday, before the girls got sick, I finished putting the dishes away and ventured out to the playroom where I could see my daughters playing kitchen and tearing everything possible off the shelves. Usually my entrance is greeted with much fanfare on the part of my little ones. Cries of, "YAY mommy! Come play with Madeleine and Baby."
However, I walked out there and I was told, "No. No mommy go back."
I observed them carefully from the kitchen. There was no foul play, nothing naughty that I would disapprove of, they just wanted to play with each other. They just wanted their sister time.
Every morning the first sister to wake up goes immediately in search of the other. During Madeleine's nap Juliette hovers around the door to her room waiting for me to tell her it is time to go get her sister. When I finally do she leads the charge in and pokes her arms through the crib bars to wake up her big sister.
There is something so precious about their little feminie hearts. Madeleine likes to constantly reassure her sister that she is "beautiful" and "so pretty". She seeks to take care of her, comfort her when she is crying, alert me when her diaper needs to be changed, rub her head while she nurses, and hold her hand when she is sad. Juliette in turn shares everything she has with her sister and admires her, tries to imitate her and please her. As Madeleine grows in her faith this relationship will be crucial to Juliette growing in her own.
I love watching them walk around the house, holding hands and laughing together. It reminds me of my own sisters. When I was young my mom says that my sister and I were much the same way. Even when I was older and went away for sleepovers I would call my sister to chat and check on her.
Last night when Madeleine was sick I asked her if anything would make her feel better. She looked at her sister, smiled, and replied, "A new baby."
Today both of my little girls are sick with a fever and cough and have spent much of the morning snuggled up under their blankets and watching Barney together, the poor things.
In college I would think about the virtues of Mary and always got stuck on "angelic sweetness". Seeing my daughters now, I think I understand at least a very tiny bit.
When you bite into a piece of chocolate, or at least when I do, my body just kind of relaxes and enjoys how sweet it is and I think to myself, "I love chocolate."
When I see my sweet daughters together, even when I am so stressed out, I relax and say, "Oh that's why I'm doing all this. I love them."
There is something so pure and wonderful about Mary, the way she loves so intensely, that makes me relax the same way. When I think about the Blessed Virgin when I am feeling tense or upset or depressed my body relaxes in the realization that she loves me and will carry me to Jesus and I think, "Oh everything is going to be okay. I love her." She is my heavenly mother after all.
I actually have no idea what that virtue entails, but my response to sweetness is that it allows me to let go of all of my troubles and love. I have the feeling that that is what Jesus intended on the cross when He told John, "Behold your mother." and gave her to all of humanity as our Mother from then on. There is a lot of bad stuff that goes on in the world and sometimes we need to be able to just let go and love.
However, I walked out there and I was told, "No. No mommy go back."
I observed them carefully from the kitchen. There was no foul play, nothing naughty that I would disapprove of, they just wanted to play with each other. They just wanted their sister time.
Every morning the first sister to wake up goes immediately in search of the other. During Madeleine's nap Juliette hovers around the door to her room waiting for me to tell her it is time to go get her sister. When I finally do she leads the charge in and pokes her arms through the crib bars to wake up her big sister.
There is something so precious about their little feminie hearts. Madeleine likes to constantly reassure her sister that she is "beautiful" and "so pretty". She seeks to take care of her, comfort her when she is crying, alert me when her diaper needs to be changed, rub her head while she nurses, and hold her hand when she is sad. Juliette in turn shares everything she has with her sister and admires her, tries to imitate her and please her. As Madeleine grows in her faith this relationship will be crucial to Juliette growing in her own.
I love watching them walk around the house, holding hands and laughing together. It reminds me of my own sisters. When I was young my mom says that my sister and I were much the same way. Even when I was older and went away for sleepovers I would call my sister to chat and check on her.
Last night when Madeleine was sick I asked her if anything would make her feel better. She looked at her sister, smiled, and replied, "A new baby."
Today both of my little girls are sick with a fever and cough and have spent much of the morning snuggled up under their blankets and watching Barney together, the poor things.
In college I would think about the virtues of Mary and always got stuck on "angelic sweetness". Seeing my daughters now, I think I understand at least a very tiny bit.
When you bite into a piece of chocolate, or at least when I do, my body just kind of relaxes and enjoys how sweet it is and I think to myself, "I love chocolate."
When I see my sweet daughters together, even when I am so stressed out, I relax and say, "Oh that's why I'm doing all this. I love them."
There is something so pure and wonderful about Mary, the way she loves so intensely, that makes me relax the same way. When I think about the Blessed Virgin when I am feeling tense or upset or depressed my body relaxes in the realization that she loves me and will carry me to Jesus and I think, "Oh everything is going to be okay. I love her." She is my heavenly mother after all.
I actually have no idea what that virtue entails, but my response to sweetness is that it allows me to let go of all of my troubles and love. I have the feeling that that is what Jesus intended on the cross when He told John, "Behold your mother." and gave her to all of humanity as our Mother from then on. There is a lot of bad stuff that goes on in the world and sometimes we need to be able to just let go and love.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
The day from hell... not for the faint of heart
Awful day yesterday. We were supposed to be flying to Houston this Sunday but plans changed fast.
Ya see, I woke up Friday feeling like I was going to get sick. My first brilliant thought was to take a pregnancy test. Nada. No dice.
Then it hit me, "Crud. I'm sick"
THEN it actually hit me.
Fast forward about an hour and I was being carried out to an ambulance on a stretcher. I won't get into the gory details but suffice it to say I puked until I started blacking out over and over. I managed to call my landlady upstairs, the sweet saint, who came down and called 911 and watched my babies.
By the time the medics got there they had a hard time finding my pulse, blood pressure, heart rate... I was taken into the hospital as a cardiac patient and put in the trama room. Once those anti-nausea meds were in me and I had a few nice IVs I was doing much better. Still sick, but not passing out all the time.
Kyle made it home from work in record time and stayed with me at the hospital until my landlady had to go get her own kid. So I napped and by the time I called him he was in an absolute panic because the baby was screaming to be nursed and Madeleine was throwing up everywhere. He rushed them to the hospital to get me (I was finally being discharged, now that I was hydrated and on anti-nausea meds I was in no danger) carrying the baby and dragging Madeleine as she threw up all over the hospital. Once they finally got the IVs out of me I picked my darling baby up, kissed her on her pukey head, and carried her to the car.
Since we live about a mile from the hospital we were home in no time. I put Madeleine in the bath tub and asked Kyle to hold Juliette until I could nurse her. He told me he was starting to feel sick. I took the baby and nursed her while Madeleine puked all over the bathtub and Kyle got sick in the kitchen.
I got the three of them into our bed, Kyle with a trash bag, Juliette passed out nursing, and Madeleine with towels all around her, and took off to get my medicine from CVS. It took all I had to stay awake for the drive, I got home and slept for an hour. Then the baby woke up.
Since Kyle was much sicker than I was at that point and had been up since 2:30 in the morning I took the baby for the next three hours and then we traded when I almost passed out watching her.
He stayed up with her for another hour until they both fell asleep on the couch, I woke them up and dragged them to bed, it was about one, and we all slept...
Until Madeleine woke up at three, crying for water.
I watched a show with her and let her sip water until 4:30 when we both went back to sleep. The baby woke up crying at 7 and Kyle took that shift, he came back to bed about an hour later, the girls and I slept til 11 and he slept til noon.
Today we all sat around sipping juice and watching TV. No one got sick.
Now I am much better but it was the day from hell. I think all moms have stories like that and if you do, you are my heros...
After Kyle, of course, because he took such supreme care of myself and our girls. There is no finer husband to be found.
This post may be an "over share" but it's my blog and I deal with things by talking them out... so there ya have it. My written therapy.
Ya see, I woke up Friday feeling like I was going to get sick. My first brilliant thought was to take a pregnancy test. Nada. No dice.
Then it hit me, "Crud. I'm sick"
THEN it actually hit me.
Fast forward about an hour and I was being carried out to an ambulance on a stretcher. I won't get into the gory details but suffice it to say I puked until I started blacking out over and over. I managed to call my landlady upstairs, the sweet saint, who came down and called 911 and watched my babies.
By the time the medics got there they had a hard time finding my pulse, blood pressure, heart rate... I was taken into the hospital as a cardiac patient and put in the trama room. Once those anti-nausea meds were in me and I had a few nice IVs I was doing much better. Still sick, but not passing out all the time.
Kyle made it home from work in record time and stayed with me at the hospital until my landlady had to go get her own kid. So I napped and by the time I called him he was in an absolute panic because the baby was screaming to be nursed and Madeleine was throwing up everywhere. He rushed them to the hospital to get me (I was finally being discharged, now that I was hydrated and on anti-nausea meds I was in no danger) carrying the baby and dragging Madeleine as she threw up all over the hospital. Once they finally got the IVs out of me I picked my darling baby up, kissed her on her pukey head, and carried her to the car.
Since we live about a mile from the hospital we were home in no time. I put Madeleine in the bath tub and asked Kyle to hold Juliette until I could nurse her. He told me he was starting to feel sick. I took the baby and nursed her while Madeleine puked all over the bathtub and Kyle got sick in the kitchen.
I got the three of them into our bed, Kyle with a trash bag, Juliette passed out nursing, and Madeleine with towels all around her, and took off to get my medicine from CVS. It took all I had to stay awake for the drive, I got home and slept for an hour. Then the baby woke up.
Since Kyle was much sicker than I was at that point and had been up since 2:30 in the morning I took the baby for the next three hours and then we traded when I almost passed out watching her.
He stayed up with her for another hour until they both fell asleep on the couch, I woke them up and dragged them to bed, it was about one, and we all slept...
Until Madeleine woke up at three, crying for water.
I watched a show with her and let her sip water until 4:30 when we both went back to sleep. The baby woke up crying at 7 and Kyle took that shift, he came back to bed about an hour later, the girls and I slept til 11 and he slept til noon.
Today we all sat around sipping juice and watching TV. No one got sick.
Now I am much better but it was the day from hell. I think all moms have stories like that and if you do, you are my heros...
After Kyle, of course, because he took such supreme care of myself and our girls. There is no finer husband to be found.
This post may be an "over share" but it's my blog and I deal with things by talking them out... so there ya have it. My written therapy.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
How the Mother loves her Son
Most nights Juliette will wake up crying and end up in our bed. Sometimes I nurse her and we both fall back to sleep but on some lovely nights I stay up and just watch her for a while. I kiss her head, rub her hair, listen to her breathe, and just bask in the overwhelming love I feel for her.
Lately though, as Christmas comes closer and closer, I think about how Mary must have done the same thing with her Son. How she must have stayed up at night and just held Him and kissed Him and adored Him. It amazes me even more as a mother how Mary was able to love Jesus like no other person in the world. And if my love for my children seems overwhelming in my imperfection and my sinfulness, I can't even imagine how much she loved Jesus in her freedom from sin and all other impediments to Love. She loved Jesus and a mother and adored him as her God. That must have knocked the breath out of her every, single day.
I'd thought about this before, tried to meditate on what it meant for her to be His mother but honestly couldn't even fathom it. I think as a mother my understanding has only increased one one millionth but when I lie next to my baby and smell her head and watch her eyelids flutter I can just try to ask Mary to show me more how she loves her Son.
Lately though, as Christmas comes closer and closer, I think about how Mary must have done the same thing with her Son. How she must have stayed up at night and just held Him and kissed Him and adored Him. It amazes me even more as a mother how Mary was able to love Jesus like no other person in the world. And if my love for my children seems overwhelming in my imperfection and my sinfulness, I can't even imagine how much she loved Jesus in her freedom from sin and all other impediments to Love. She loved Jesus and a mother and adored him as her God. That must have knocked the breath out of her every, single day.
I'd thought about this before, tried to meditate on what it meant for her to be His mother but honestly couldn't even fathom it. I think as a mother my understanding has only increased one one millionth but when I lie next to my baby and smell her head and watch her eyelids flutter I can just try to ask Mary to show me more how she loves her Son.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Picking up my cross
I am so thankful for my doctors up here in Massachusetts. Since I almost died from an ectopic pregnancy about a week before we left Texas I was a bit scared of finding a doctor I could trust. Per the advice of many solid people I found a strong Catholic doctor who is well versed in the Creighton Method of Natural Family Planning, completely pro-life and anti-contraception with a sizable Catholic brood of his own. He is amazing. I was so scared of not being able to have kids after I lost one of my tubes and he helped me find specialists who could determine the underlying causes to my ectopic pregnancy and if I could achieve more pregnancies without risking losing my other tube or if I would need surgery.
After many sessions with him, lots of blood draws, and much more confidence than I had before I had met him I became pregnant with Madeleine. He was too far away to deliver my baby but I saw him through the first trimester. He did weekly blood draws to make sure my HCG levels were doubling properly before they could make certain that the baby was in my uterus by ultrasound. He got me on progesterone because of my extremely low levels and my family history of miscarriages due to low progesterone levels. Even after I migrated to my new (and also fabulous) doctor for my second and third trimesters he kept up with me to make sure I was doing well.
I had an appointment with him today as has become customary after I start to get my cycle back (over share, I know) after I give birth. They monitor my hormone levels to make sure that they don't detect any signs that there could be any problems with my remaining tube. Praise God, so far everything has been perfect.
We talked for a while about the gift that Natural Family Planning is. He gave an amazing analogy that I just wanted to share. When you achieve a pregnancy while doing Natural Family Planning you are aware of your fertility and therefore able to make a decision to receive a new life inside of you. It is like when you go to receive the Eucharist, you walk to the priest or Extraordinary Minister with the intent to receive Jesus inside of you and you are able to prepare yourself. When you use Natural Family Planning you are aware of the holiness of the act of creating a child with your spouse and you are able to prepare yourself for that new life. He said when you don't use Natural Family Planning and you aren't aware of your fertility it's like receiving the Eucharist in your sandwich. All of the holiness and grace are still there but you aren't aware and so you cannot prepare yourself as fully to receive it. It is such a gift to be aware that you may have just made a child and to reflect on that and it is a blessing to make the decision, "Yes, I want to bear new life." A child is always unequivocally a GIFT and a BLESSING but why would you not want to understand your fertility, embrace it, and know and receive the blessings of that gift right from the moment of conception?
We also talked about having large families. He says that he gets frustrated when the mother of many kids complains about hardships and people say to her, "Well maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids." Someone could be stuck in traffic and complaining about that but you wouldn't tell them, "Well maybe you shouldn't have a car." Sometimes mothers get "stuck in traffic" so to speak and struggle but that does not mean that they shouldn't have had their kids. The overall blessings from their child outweigh any hardships greatly. In fact, I would say that the hardships and challenges are what purify us and make marriage and motherhood a vocation that increases holiness.
Back in the day at Franciscan people would talk about "paths". Obviously your vocation is your path to God. Most of the time when I think about paths in a spiritual context I think back to the road Christ had to travel to the cross. That journey was His purpose and he bore His cross along it because of His intense love for the people we would die for.
I relate that to vocations. Until I found Kyle most of the time I found my "path" to be a rather easy one. I felt like I could carry my cross with no issues and was dancing along to God. It wasn't until I loved Kyle that I began to feel the weight of the cross I was carrying, my sinfulness. I could feel how my sins weighed down on me because now that we were one they were also placed on his shoulders. I could clearly see the effects of my sinfulness on him. If I was selfish, it hurt Kyle. If I was vein, it hurt Kyle. That clarity allowed me to see how I also hurt so many other people around me. Suddenly my cross felt more weighty. At the same time however I found new strength to carry it because I had found something I would die for. I'm not really talking about actual martyrdom because that seems like a no-brainer, dying for my faith, but someone I was willing to die to myself for.
Each day in marriage is a day to carry the cross of sin, of illness, and then to die to yourself for the ones you love. I imagine it is the same for a priest, wanting to carry your cross out of love for the Church, the bride of the priest, and being willing to die to yourself for Her. When I became a mother this conviction was taken to an even more intense level. My sins are weighted down on my daughters as well. I don't think that Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the struggles you face as a Christian are negligible. I believe He says it because He gives you the ability to truly LOVE and that love gives you the strength to carry your cross. Ultimately in order to love someone you have to be willing to die to yourself.
I don't want to ever look at motherhood or being a wife and say, "I have no time for myself. I can't afford XYZ." There are times when I struggle with those things but if I ever complain I'll tell you now, I'm glad I have the car even though I am stuck in traffic.
Tonight it is two in the morning but I am not asleep. Juliette is having one of those nights where she thinks bed time is nap time and wakes up at 11 refreshed and ready to go. Which, of course, is always fun.
Tonight after she had been put down on the floor to burn off energy she took off for the clean laundry basket, put my underwear around her neck, and walked off screaming for "Na" which is what she calls Madeleine. Sometimes it's "Nani" but usually it's "Na".
So she eventually realized that "Na" was not in the living room or the play room or the kitchen so she beat down the door to the nursery and made her way to Madeleine's crib in the dark as she called out for her. I scooped her up and removed her before she could wake her sister, she cried, and I told her she would just have to settle for playtime with momma.
She fell asleep again just a little while ago and while I am exhausted I wouldn't a trade single smile. Motherhood can be hard, and I'll stumble and fall far more than the three times Christ did, but it itself cannot ever be a cross. It's what I carry my cross for.
After many sessions with him, lots of blood draws, and much more confidence than I had before I had met him I became pregnant with Madeleine. He was too far away to deliver my baby but I saw him through the first trimester. He did weekly blood draws to make sure my HCG levels were doubling properly before they could make certain that the baby was in my uterus by ultrasound. He got me on progesterone because of my extremely low levels and my family history of miscarriages due to low progesterone levels. Even after I migrated to my new (and also fabulous) doctor for my second and third trimesters he kept up with me to make sure I was doing well.
I had an appointment with him today as has become customary after I start to get my cycle back (over share, I know) after I give birth. They monitor my hormone levels to make sure that they don't detect any signs that there could be any problems with my remaining tube. Praise God, so far everything has been perfect.
We talked for a while about the gift that Natural Family Planning is. He gave an amazing analogy that I just wanted to share. When you achieve a pregnancy while doing Natural Family Planning you are aware of your fertility and therefore able to make a decision to receive a new life inside of you. It is like when you go to receive the Eucharist, you walk to the priest or Extraordinary Minister with the intent to receive Jesus inside of you and you are able to prepare yourself. When you use Natural Family Planning you are aware of the holiness of the act of creating a child with your spouse and you are able to prepare yourself for that new life. He said when you don't use Natural Family Planning and you aren't aware of your fertility it's like receiving the Eucharist in your sandwich. All of the holiness and grace are still there but you aren't aware and so you cannot prepare yourself as fully to receive it. It is such a gift to be aware that you may have just made a child and to reflect on that and it is a blessing to make the decision, "Yes, I want to bear new life." A child is always unequivocally a GIFT and a BLESSING but why would you not want to understand your fertility, embrace it, and know and receive the blessings of that gift right from the moment of conception?
We also talked about having large families. He says that he gets frustrated when the mother of many kids complains about hardships and people say to her, "Well maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids." Someone could be stuck in traffic and complaining about that but you wouldn't tell them, "Well maybe you shouldn't have a car." Sometimes mothers get "stuck in traffic" so to speak and struggle but that does not mean that they shouldn't have had their kids. The overall blessings from their child outweigh any hardships greatly. In fact, I would say that the hardships and challenges are what purify us and make marriage and motherhood a vocation that increases holiness.
Back in the day at Franciscan people would talk about "paths". Obviously your vocation is your path to God. Most of the time when I think about paths in a spiritual context I think back to the road Christ had to travel to the cross. That journey was His purpose and he bore His cross along it because of His intense love for the people we would die for.
I relate that to vocations. Until I found Kyle most of the time I found my "path" to be a rather easy one. I felt like I could carry my cross with no issues and was dancing along to God. It wasn't until I loved Kyle that I began to feel the weight of the cross I was carrying, my sinfulness. I could feel how my sins weighed down on me because now that we were one they were also placed on his shoulders. I could clearly see the effects of my sinfulness on him. If I was selfish, it hurt Kyle. If I was vein, it hurt Kyle. That clarity allowed me to see how I also hurt so many other people around me. Suddenly my cross felt more weighty. At the same time however I found new strength to carry it because I had found something I would die for. I'm not really talking about actual martyrdom because that seems like a no-brainer, dying for my faith, but someone I was willing to die to myself for.
Each day in marriage is a day to carry the cross of sin, of illness, and then to die to yourself for the ones you love. I imagine it is the same for a priest, wanting to carry your cross out of love for the Church, the bride of the priest, and being willing to die to yourself for Her. When I became a mother this conviction was taken to an even more intense level. My sins are weighted down on my daughters as well. I don't think that Jesus says His yoke is easy and His burden is light because the struggles you face as a Christian are negligible. I believe He says it because He gives you the ability to truly LOVE and that love gives you the strength to carry your cross. Ultimately in order to love someone you have to be willing to die to yourself.
I don't want to ever look at motherhood or being a wife and say, "I have no time for myself. I can't afford XYZ." There are times when I struggle with those things but if I ever complain I'll tell you now, I'm glad I have the car even though I am stuck in traffic.
Tonight it is two in the morning but I am not asleep. Juliette is having one of those nights where she thinks bed time is nap time and wakes up at 11 refreshed and ready to go. Which, of course, is always fun.
Tonight after she had been put down on the floor to burn off energy she took off for the clean laundry basket, put my underwear around her neck, and walked off screaming for "Na" which is what she calls Madeleine. Sometimes it's "Nani" but usually it's "Na".
So she eventually realized that "Na" was not in the living room or the play room or the kitchen so she beat down the door to the nursery and made her way to Madeleine's crib in the dark as she called out for her. I scooped her up and removed her before she could wake her sister, she cried, and I told her she would just have to settle for playtime with momma.
She fell asleep again just a little while ago and while I am exhausted I wouldn't a trade single smile. Motherhood can be hard, and I'll stumble and fall far more than the three times Christ did, but it itself cannot ever be a cross. It's what I carry my cross for.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
She's ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm alive!!!!
Today is the first day I am finally feeling a bit better, praise God! Madeleine has spent the past two nights and tonight as well at my parent's house so I could recover and only have one kiddo to worry about. It's been nice but I miss that stinky little toddler like crazy and am excited to get her back tomorrow!
Momma and Juliette have been having some fantastic bonding time. Lots of fluids, peekaboo, and snuggling in front of Elmo. She's been an absolute angel.
And Kyle has been an angel as well. He has taken such good care of us while we were all sick and has gotten rather little time to relax himself. He does it all without complaint and is always trying to figure out what else he can do for us. At the same time he is planning some sort of Christmas surprise for me. He asked me a budget and I told him BAGILLION MONEYS!!! He says that isn't a real number and that he will figure it out for himself. It's tempting to snoop since I hate surprises but I have to admit that it's pretty fun having no idea what he is planning for me.
The house is a mess of half done projects. The dishwasher is half loaded or half emptied, the clothes are in the dryer but not folded, the playroom is half cleaned up. I'd start feeling better, get to cleaning, and then get sick again. This is the point at which I'd fall back on the couch and swear I wouldn't try to clean again.
Hopefully now that this is all almost over I can get back into the Christmas spirit with full force! I have cards to send out and presents to wrap and a toddler to catechize so I am busy, busy, busy. Especially with that last part.
But now I'm feeling rather lazy again so I'm off to watch TV and then get some sleep. I can't overdo it. I have the world's sweetest two year old to collect tomorrow and I plan on having the strength to give her the world's biggest hug!
Today is the first day I am finally feeling a bit better, praise God! Madeleine has spent the past two nights and tonight as well at my parent's house so I could recover and only have one kiddo to worry about. It's been nice but I miss that stinky little toddler like crazy and am excited to get her back tomorrow!
Momma and Juliette have been having some fantastic bonding time. Lots of fluids, peekaboo, and snuggling in front of Elmo. She's been an absolute angel.
And Kyle has been an angel as well. He has taken such good care of us while we were all sick and has gotten rather little time to relax himself. He does it all without complaint and is always trying to figure out what else he can do for us. At the same time he is planning some sort of Christmas surprise for me. He asked me a budget and I told him BAGILLION MONEYS!!! He says that isn't a real number and that he will figure it out for himself. It's tempting to snoop since I hate surprises but I have to admit that it's pretty fun having no idea what he is planning for me.
The house is a mess of half done projects. The dishwasher is half loaded or half emptied, the clothes are in the dryer but not folded, the playroom is half cleaned up. I'd start feeling better, get to cleaning, and then get sick again. This is the point at which I'd fall back on the couch and swear I wouldn't try to clean again.
Hopefully now that this is all almost over I can get back into the Christmas spirit with full force! I have cards to send out and presents to wrap and a toddler to catechize so I am busy, busy, busy. Especially with that last part.
But now I'm feeling rather lazy again so I'm off to watch TV and then get some sleep. I can't overdo it. I have the world's sweetest two year old to collect tomorrow and I plan on having the strength to give her the world's biggest hug!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Motherhood should come with a stipend for undereye concealer.
Well I currently have a very teary little toddler on my lap. I was watching a show, winding down for the night, when I heard her crying from the other room. Since Juliette is running a fever from her shots (blahblahblahbadmomforgivinghershots blahblahblahbadmomifyoudon't... Can't we all just get along?) I had Madeleine in mommy and daddy's bed for the night since I was not taking any chance of her waking her little sister. So suddenly I hear, "MOOOOOOMMY! MOOOOOMMY!" and I run in there and Kyle is looking completely confused and she is sitting up sobbing. Poor Kyle and poor Madeleine.
I picked her up and took her too the couch and she dug her little face into my chest and just relaxed in my arms. I haven't been able to figure out what is wrong yet since she is responding "yes" to everything (apparently giving her favorite word "no" a little break) but have come to the conclusion that it was probably a bad dream, or even more likely, and upset belly. I'm not sure what kind of bad dreams a toddler can have but I imagine they involve her not being allowed to eat cookies and having to share her toys.
So here we are, it is almost two in the morning and I am awake. She is cuddled up contentedly on me for now but when I make any mention of going to bed she becomes hysterical. I know that as soon as I do fall asleep Juliette will wake up and want to nurse and the cycle will continue.
I won't get much sleep but tonight I'm not that worried about it. I'll probably drink a gallon of coffee tonight but honestly, I am just loving snuggling my girl. It feels good to know that I make her feel safe and that I can ease Juliette's suffering just by nursing and holding her. It won't always be this easy to make them feel better but for now I am cherishing the moments when a kiss from mommy solves all their problems because most days a kiss from them solves all of mine.
I picked her up and took her too the couch and she dug her little face into my chest and just relaxed in my arms. I haven't been able to figure out what is wrong yet since she is responding "yes" to everything (apparently giving her favorite word "no" a little break) but have come to the conclusion that it was probably a bad dream, or even more likely, and upset belly. I'm not sure what kind of bad dreams a toddler can have but I imagine they involve her not being allowed to eat cookies and having to share her toys.
So here we are, it is almost two in the morning and I am awake. She is cuddled up contentedly on me for now but when I make any mention of going to bed she becomes hysterical. I know that as soon as I do fall asleep Juliette will wake up and want to nurse and the cycle will continue.
I won't get much sleep but tonight I'm not that worried about it. I'll probably drink a gallon of coffee tonight but honestly, I am just loving snuggling my girl. It feels good to know that I make her feel safe and that I can ease Juliette's suffering just by nursing and holding her. It won't always be this easy to make them feel better but for now I am cherishing the moments when a kiss from mommy solves all their problems because most days a kiss from them solves all of mine.
Monday, November 28, 2011
THANKS GOD
Oh geeze it has been a long freaking week. Awesome week but L.O.N.G.
Thanksgiving was wonderful. Well, the trip out there was no fun at all. I live 30 miles away form my aunt and uncle's house and it took me TWO HOURS to get there. Because 128 in MA was designed by the servants of evil and this state is run by communists. But once I was there my day went something like this:
CHEESE
Nap
TURKEY
Nap 2.0
PIE
Nap 3.0
Family Games
Not all of those naps involved sleeping. In most cases I curled up under a snuggie in front of the fire place with my eyes closed and I lay reeeeeally still so the babies would think I was sleeping and attack someone else. Then I would bask in the utter joy of warm piggie toes, a full belly, and the noise of a full house. Of course despite the amazing spread for both dinner and dessert my highlight of the day was all the cheese dips because, well, I heart cheese and I never allow myself to make it.
The family was as dys-FUN-ctional as usual, emphasis on the FUN and we spent a good portion of the day torturing my sister Hannah over her new boyfriend-type-person. Par for the course.
My sisters Carly and Hannah spent the night at my house and the next day my daaarling husband watched the girls so we could go see Breaking Dawn, hold hands, and cry and I really don't care who judges me for this, it was my favorite sexy vampire movie ever. My favorite movie ever. All other movies are now crap. (Hannah would be laughing right now if she ever read this thing.)
Saturday was coffee with Alexa, more family time, and drinks with Blair and Bethany. It was amazing to get out with friends and just be with people that make me laugh and love me and accept me and laugh at my jokes... who aren't related to me because the people who are related to me kinda have to do all those things. I don't get to get out much so mom, I really appreciate you babysitting. You are the best!
With such an amazing but busy weekend I fully expected the girls to be NAS-TY last night and they did not dissapoint. The new translation of the mass was BEAUTIFUL and their behavior was a little bit the opposite. After mass we put Madeleine in time out and she just sat there for like, an hour. We kept offering to get her out but she refused. I'm pretty sure she needed the space to just be alone too, my precious little introvert. After she was done she asked to be held and refused to be put down for the rest of the night. She just kept saying, "I want mommy. Up please mommy." So I snuggled her until she was almost asleep.
When Madeleine went to bed early, Juliette and I stayed up and played Peek-a-Boo together. She would take my hands, cover my face, take them away, and say, "BOO!" and then laugh hysterically. After about ten minutes of this she was SO JOYFUL that she would move my hands and instead of saying "boo!" she would kiss my face over and over. Then she passed out in my arms and instead of putting her in her crib I just held her and nuzzled her face for a while.
And, not to make this post too long but today I got the pleasure of catching up with a college friend, Kristen, who's birthday it was. Now I am planning on buddy passing her and her adorable son up to come see us soon!
Basically, this was rambling but this weekend was one big fest of Thankfulness. I am also thankful for the wedding of Theresa to her prince charming, Jess. I wasn't able to be there but I am so thankful for the life of love they embarked on together. The world needs more holy couples, these two (now one) will be such a light to the world.
Thanksgiving was wonderful. Well, the trip out there was no fun at all. I live 30 miles away form my aunt and uncle's house and it took me TWO HOURS to get there. Because 128 in MA was designed by the servants of evil and this state is run by communists. But once I was there my day went something like this:
CHEESE
Nap
TURKEY
Nap 2.0
PIE
Nap 3.0
Family Games
Not all of those naps involved sleeping. In most cases I curled up under a snuggie in front of the fire place with my eyes closed and I lay reeeeeally still so the babies would think I was sleeping and attack someone else. Then I would bask in the utter joy of warm piggie toes, a full belly, and the noise of a full house. Of course despite the amazing spread for both dinner and dessert my highlight of the day was all the cheese dips because, well, I heart cheese and I never allow myself to make it.
The family was as dys-FUN-ctional as usual, emphasis on the FUN and we spent a good portion of the day torturing my sister Hannah over her new boyfriend-type-person. Par for the course.
My sisters Carly and Hannah spent the night at my house and the next day my daaarling husband watched the girls so we could go see Breaking Dawn, hold hands, and cry and I really don't care who judges me for this, it was my favorite sexy vampire movie ever. My favorite movie ever. All other movies are now crap. (Hannah would be laughing right now if she ever read this thing.)
Saturday was coffee with Alexa, more family time, and drinks with Blair and Bethany. It was amazing to get out with friends and just be with people that make me laugh and love me and accept me and laugh at my jokes... who aren't related to me because the people who are related to me kinda have to do all those things. I don't get to get out much so mom, I really appreciate you babysitting. You are the best!
With such an amazing but busy weekend I fully expected the girls to be NAS-TY last night and they did not dissapoint. The new translation of the mass was BEAUTIFUL and their behavior was a little bit the opposite. After mass we put Madeleine in time out and she just sat there for like, an hour. We kept offering to get her out but she refused. I'm pretty sure she needed the space to just be alone too, my precious little introvert. After she was done she asked to be held and refused to be put down for the rest of the night. She just kept saying, "I want mommy. Up please mommy." So I snuggled her until she was almost asleep.
When Madeleine went to bed early, Juliette and I stayed up and played Peek-a-Boo together. She would take my hands, cover my face, take them away, and say, "BOO!" and then laugh hysterically. After about ten minutes of this she was SO JOYFUL that she would move my hands and instead of saying "boo!" she would kiss my face over and over. Then she passed out in my arms and instead of putting her in her crib I just held her and nuzzled her face for a while.
And, not to make this post too long but today I got the pleasure of catching up with a college friend, Kristen, who's birthday it was. Now I am planning on buddy passing her and her adorable son up to come see us soon!
Basically, this was rambling but this weekend was one big fest of Thankfulness. I am also thankful for the wedding of Theresa to her prince charming, Jess. I wasn't able to be there but I am so thankful for the life of love they embarked on together. The world needs more holy couples, these two (now one) will be such a light to the world.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thankful for BABIES
If you ignore the mess in the background (and please do!) you'll see two of the people I am most thankful in the whole entire world... and me... smelling the baby... they smell so GOOD after a bath! I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving! I'll be pigging out at my aunt and uncles. Should be a good day!
Monday, November 21, 2011
One Year Ago Today
One year ago today at exactly 3:00 pm, the hour of Divine Mercy, God mercifully blessed me with our second daughter, Juliette Marie. Just like my world was turned upside down on the day her sister was born, my life has not been the same since.
When I woke up in the morning I knew that I was heading to the hospital and was getting induced but I had no idea of what was about to unfold. It was about five hours of easy labor and eight minutes of pushing when Juliette breathed her first breath outside of my big ole belly and the doctor placed her in my arms for the first time. Kyle was there, my mom was there, but at that moment all I could see were those big brown eyes and that red face and I was a goner. Completely, totally, and utterly in love right from the beginning.
The joy in being a mother and the entirety of my love for my child has in no way faded from my first baby to my second. Somehow God has allowed me to grow enough to love them both with everything I have.
Juliette, maybe someday you will read this, but you haven't just stolen my heart. You are my heart. You and Madeleine. Through Kyle, God filled my heart until it overflowed out of my body and now it lives and breathes as the two of you.
Someday, maybe as a teenager, you may tell me that I can be overly protective sometimes, worry all the time, ask you nagging questions, and interrigate every boy you even look at. You won't ever understand until you have kids of your own.
You are beautiful in a way that is uniquely yours and will never exist anywhere else. Your eyes, your smile, your personality. Even at the age of one you love so entirely and you are so fearless. I am both excited and a little nervous to see how those traits of yours shape your future.
Your sister adores you too. When we ask Madeleine who her best friend she responds that YOU are, without any question at all. And maybe someday you may fight over boys and clothes but since I have sisters I know that ultimately you will always remain the first and best friends each other will ever have.
For now though I am enjoying each and every moment of you being my baby. I love how when you nurse sometimes you stand up and push your head into me. I'm not even sure of how you accomplish that. I love how we have to block off anything that would allow you to climb on it because you will climb and then you will laugh at us when you have reached your little summit. I love how you snuggle stuffed animals, how you try to play with the big kids without ever realizing how much smaller you really are. I love that when you are angry you lie face down on the floor and cry just to show us we have displeased you. I love the growling noises you make as you play and explore, I love how you always end up in our bed at night because there is no place you would rather sleep than in my arms. I love how when your daddy gets home you stop whatever you are doing and fling yourself at him with joyful abandonment and how no one can make you laugh like your sister.
You are precious to me. Most of all I love how when you are crying all I have to do is hold you and you will stop. I hope that in the future you will always come to me to comfort you when you are sad but even if you don't, I'll still always be here.
Really, I just love you more than words or a blog post can ever express. You and that amazingly adorable big sister of yours'.
Happy First Birthday Juliette Marie. Thank you for making this past year nothing short of magical.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Things I have learned about Motherhood
Motherhood has a learning curve. With each child you have you learn more about yourself than you ever imagined. You also learn about your child (I hope). Annnnnd, you learn a lot about others and the world in which we live
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
1. Not everyone wants to hear about your kids.
BUT WHO CARES! Post about them anyway. The people that aren't your real friends can defriend you or block your feed, whatever! You only have a limited amount of time to brag about your babies firsts and their bowel movements and how cute they are before they get a facebook account of their own and yell at you. Your children are a part of you, my children are my heart. Why wouldn't I want to brag to the world about their cuteness? So if someone gives you grief about how your facebook or twitter has been entirely devoted to your little ones tell Tin Man to get a heart and just keep doing what you are doing.
2. Each kid is different.
I only have two kids and even I know this! Your parenting style should adapt to each special personality. Don't be so set in your ways that you don't recognize the individuality of each child.
3. Calm the heck down.
There is no reason your baby needs to know their ABCs by the time they are two. Do some art projects and play outside. If your kid is advanced, great. If not, don't sweat it. Kids tend to do things at their own pace so don't compare them to other kids and don't push them too hard because YOU think they should be somewhere they are not. If you have concerns, talk to your pediatrician. If he or she assures you that they are on track, listen to them. If they are concerned about anything, don't freak out. Many kids struggle through different developmental stages and they turn out just fine. It's pushing too hard or ignoring problems all together that compounds issues in the future. Love your child where they are and trust your instincts, just not the crazy ones.
4. Laugh at the crazy
There will be nights where both kids are up until one in the morning screaming and running in circles. You are exhausted and ready to put them on the front lawn with a sign that says "Free". Laugh about it. All moms have been there and they can share in your pain. If you let yourself get too stressed you will end up being cranky with the kids and that is no good for anyone.
5. Ask for help
Whether it is your hubby or a baby sitter, your parents or your in laws, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't mean you are a failure, it just means you are tapped out. Take a nap or a date night and forget about the laundry at home. We all need a break at times. Motherhood is the only job you work 24/7, no matter if you stay home all day or go to work as well. Take some time for you and you will be a better mother to your kids.
6. People will think you are wrong.
About EVERYTHING. The nice people make suggestions. Others stick their noses in the air and tell you that if you do/don't get your kid vaccinated, etc that you are a disgrace to motherhood. Honestly, just ignore them. Do your research, talk to your spouse, and make a prayerful decision together. Then stop worrying about what others think. Nobody wants the best for your children more than you so when people try to tell you what to do, it's usually to make themselves feel important. Not to actually help. If they have good advice, don't be so prideful you won't take it but ignore all the negative. And then laugh about it later with your spouse.
7. Pray every day.
It's really the only way to stay sane and it's the only way you will be able to do motherhood right. Our babies are a gift from God and no one knows how to love them better than Him, so just talk to God all the time and let Him lead you.
8. Less is more.
You want your kid to have everything, that is normal. But it's also a pain in the butt to clean up. Limit toys and books, store things you aren't using. For differnt developmental stages I rotate out toys. That way they have new things to explore and learn with and everything they own isn't all over the floor at once. Same with clothes. My kids have a lot more clothing in the smaller sizes than they do in their larger sizes. That's because I finally go just how much money I spent and how little they wore each item. It's cute, but not necessary.
9. Give them siblings
My sisters are so incredibly important to me and the person I have become. Juliette is already Madeleine's best friend. I know some people may not be able to have large families because of health, infertility, or severe money issues, but those things aside nothing is a better gift than a sibling. If I had to make a choice between a fancy vacation, an upgrade to my house or car, jewelry, new electronics, new toys, new clothes for myself or a new baby... I would choose a new baby every time. With that said, spend quality alone time with each child you have and celebrate the gift that THEY are. Don't beat yourself up if you aren't keeping up with the Duggars. I know I won't be! Use NFP and you will be trusting in God's plan for your family. No plan is better than His.
10. Make time for your spouse
You wouldn't even have your babies without him. The happiest children comes from families with happy marriages. You can't have a happy marriage if you don't take time out to spend with each other. Always put your spouse before yourself and look to exemplify a marriage centered on God for the world by loving each other like He loves His Church, so much that He died for it.
That's ten things and I am super tired so I am done for the night. I'm a beginner mommy so I know these things may seem "duh" but the were amazing things for me to learn over these past two and a half years. I am thankful for Kyle and my super awesome and adorable babies to teach me every day. Motherhood has changed me to my very core and made me a better person than I ever dreamed I could be. I still have a looong way to go but I'll have God and my family by my side for the journey so I think I'll get there.
Monday, October 17, 2011
A Day at the Farm
Notice Madeleine is as far away from the chicken as she can get and Juliette looks like she wants to see if she can ride it. Those are my girls.
Madeleine took this opportunity to try out her animal noises. The horses were quite impressed.
We took a ride on the "Moo Choo". The teenage driver really drove like you'd expect a teenager driver to drive a "Moo Choo". Even Kyle and I were terrified/exhillerated.
Madeleine enjoyed sitting by herself on the "Moo Choo".
I took this picture of myself to document that I went on the ride as well. Some annoying mom kept asking if I was going because she wanted to take my seat. It's like, "Dude! The ride is two minutes long you and your kid can wait your turn! My baby wants me to go with her!"
HUGE brown eyes. They get me every time.
Madeleine's first hay ride!
With my beautiful little girls!
Madeleine absolutely loved the cows!
Juliette was enjoying them too.
Being artistic I suppose?
The best pet in the whole petting zoo belonged to me!
And because their costumes are just way too cute to handle I figured I'd throw this picture in for your viewing pleasure. They are absolutely edible!
Madeleine took this opportunity to try out her animal noises. The horses were quite impressed.
We took a ride on the "Moo Choo". The teenage driver really drove like you'd expect a teenager driver to drive a "Moo Choo". Even Kyle and I were terrified/exhillerated.
Madeleine enjoyed sitting by herself on the "Moo Choo".
I took this picture of myself to document that I went on the ride as well. Some annoying mom kept asking if I was going because she wanted to take my seat. It's like, "Dude! The ride is two minutes long you and your kid can wait your turn! My baby wants me to go with her!"
HUGE brown eyes. They get me every time.
Madeleine's first hay ride!
With my beautiful little girls!
Madeleine absolutely loved the cows!
Juliette was enjoying them too.
Being artistic I suppose?
The best pet in the whole petting zoo belonged to me!
And because their costumes are just way too cute to handle I figured I'd throw this picture in for your viewing pleasure. They are absolutely edible!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Why you wish I was YOUR mommy
I've been in a really good mood lately. Maybe it's the return of the Vampire Diaries? Maybe the imminent start of post season baseball sans red sox? Maybe the turning of the leaves? Maybe the discovery of an IKEA less than an hour away? Whatever it is love is in the air in the Behr house and that love has inspired me to bake!
In the last week my baking addiction has been fed my lots of awesome new recipes and the organization that came with my new Ikea shelves (30 dollars!). I'll be putting up pictures of the donut maker soon but this is the story of my adventures in food in the last 24 hours.
First, to prove we don't just eat baked good and bon bons all day I took a picture of Kyle's favorite chicken. The recipe is secret. Mostly because I made it up and don't really follow a recipe when I make it. But it is YUMS.
Last night I made Sam Adam's Octoberfest Beer Bread. Here is a picture of a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer with it's love child, beer bread.
Here is a close up of the beer bread in a pretty serving dish. Kyle was very thrilled and so were his coworkers today. There was probably two times this amount when it first cam out of the oven but that all went in Kyle's belly. Allegedly he shared with his coworkers but I'm not sure I believe him.
When it comes to cookies, I'll be honest... I just usually follow the Nestle Toll House recipe. I ascribe to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" method of thinking when it comes to these delishious bits of heaven. I've NOMed on these my whole life and have never been disappointed. Notice the finger marks in the bowl. They are totally not because I at the cookie dough raw. I'm not currently in a sick good cookie dough food coma either.
In the oven. Almost done. I'm jonesing.
At laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast, my looooove has come along! I'm bad at making them into tiny little perfect circles of happy so I'm going to say that in honor of the feast day of Saint Michael the Arch Angel, I made this angelic sweetness into the shape of angel wings! See? Totally works.
The real test lies with the two year old. Even Juliette is waiting excitedly for the review.
The reviews are in! Mommy is awesome at cookies!
And Kyle is just really happy to be doing the dishes for SUCH an awesome wife. Actually, he had a very cranky face on in the first two shots but I coaxed a smile out of him. And I am submitting it as proof that he enjoys cleaning.
For those of you interested this is the super not so secret Love of the Lamb Beer Bread recipe. You'll want to kiss me.
Ingredients:
* 3 cups bread flour
* 3 tsp Baking powder
* 3/4 tsp Salt
* 3/4 tsp Baking soda
* 1/4 cup Sugar (or honey)
* 12 fl oz Beer; any kind
* 1/2 c Butter; melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease one 8 X 5 inch loaf pan. Line with a strip of wax paper and grease the paper. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the beer (or stir in with a wooden spoon, but not so much that you stir out all the bubbles and the bread won't rise!) Mix until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan and top with melted butter. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.
You. Are. Welcome.
In the last week my baking addiction has been fed my lots of awesome new recipes and the organization that came with my new Ikea shelves (30 dollars!). I'll be putting up pictures of the donut maker soon but this is the story of my adventures in food in the last 24 hours.
First, to prove we don't just eat baked good and bon bons all day I took a picture of Kyle's favorite chicken. The recipe is secret. Mostly because I made it up and don't really follow a recipe when I make it. But it is YUMS.
Last night I made Sam Adam's Octoberfest Beer Bread. Here is a picture of a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer with it's love child, beer bread.
Here is a close up of the beer bread in a pretty serving dish. Kyle was very thrilled and so were his coworkers today. There was probably two times this amount when it first cam out of the oven but that all went in Kyle's belly. Allegedly he shared with his coworkers but I'm not sure I believe him.
When it comes to cookies, I'll be honest... I just usually follow the Nestle Toll House recipe. I ascribe to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" method of thinking when it comes to these delishious bits of heaven. I've NOMed on these my whole life and have never been disappointed. Notice the finger marks in the bowl. They are totally not because I at the cookie dough raw. I'm not currently in a sick good cookie dough food coma either.
In the oven. Almost done. I'm jonesing.
At laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast, my looooove has come along! I'm bad at making them into tiny little perfect circles of happy so I'm going to say that in honor of the feast day of Saint Michael the Arch Angel, I made this angelic sweetness into the shape of angel wings! See? Totally works.
The real test lies with the two year old. Even Juliette is waiting excitedly for the review.
The reviews are in! Mommy is awesome at cookies!
And Kyle is just really happy to be doing the dishes for SUCH an awesome wife. Actually, he had a very cranky face on in the first two shots but I coaxed a smile out of him. And I am submitting it as proof that he enjoys cleaning.
For those of you interested this is the super not so secret Love of the Lamb Beer Bread recipe. You'll want to kiss me.
Ingredients:
* 3 cups bread flour
* 3 tsp Baking powder
* 3/4 tsp Salt
* 3/4 tsp Baking soda
* 1/4 cup Sugar (or honey)
* 12 fl oz Beer; any kind
* 1/2 c Butter; melted
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease one 8 X 5 inch loaf pan. Line with a strip of wax paper and grease the paper. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the beer (or stir in with a wooden spoon, but not so much that you stir out all the bubbles and the bread won't rise!) Mix until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan and top with melted butter. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.
You. Are. Welcome.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Beautiful day, beautiful girl
Taken by daddy during their play date. She is so happy whenever they are together
Friday, September 9, 2011
A Very Happy Day at the Park
We took advantage of the last days of nice weather and headed to the park today. When I was able to wrangle Madeleine off of the slide and the "big slide" (oh my was that scary, watching her climb), we headed to the swings for something baby could participate in too!
After a while Madeleine got board of swinging and wanted to "help swing Ju". Since she is Juliette's hero, this was a major success. Madeleine was pleased that she was able to help her baby and make her laugh and Juliette was overjoyed at all the attention her sister was showering on her. Madeleine would push the baby and say, "Weeeeeee!!!" as the swing took off and Juliette would laugh hysterically.
As you can tell by this picture, it was pure joy.
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