Friday, September 30, 2011

Dedicated to Kyle

As we all know, women are awesome. There are many things to love about women. We are pretty, we smell nice, we cook, we bake, we make babies, we having decorating ideas that don't involve beer bottles and tickets from old baseball games. But there is something to be said for men too.

This list is dedicated to my fella. Kyle, these are the little things that make me love you.

1. You lift heavy things. Without you my air conditioning units would either never have been installed or would never have come out. And the couch would still be on the wrong wall where the movers put it. Thank you for being strong.

2. You hang things. I'm not super great at putting up pictures and hammering nails. I have no idea what a "stud" is and how to find it. To be honest, I'm not even sure if "stud" is the right word. But you do. You are the real "stud".

3. You tinker with electronics. I'm not sure why the computer screen is zoomed in and bouncing and giving me motion sickness. But you do. And you fix it. Every time.

4. You assemble things. I love saving money by shopping at IKEA and the only reason I can do that is because YOU are awesome. You may complain and mumble while you do it but it gets done! You are like my own Saint Joseph.

5. You clean the dishes. I love to cook but after I've slaved over a hot stove and filled my belly with sweet nom noms I could use a little break. So you bravely attack the pile of dishes in the sink and you get them done. And you are proud of how you load the dishwasher and the system you use and you love doing it as a thank you to me.

6. You change the cloth diapers. Since Madeleine was born you have gagged at the mere smell of her dirty diapers. When we switched to cloth I just figured I would be doing all the heavy lifting. I mean, I don't mind and it doesn't make me gag. But you are great with them and now you like them way better than disposable.

7. You rave over everything I make you to eat. No matter what I have cooked or baked it is "the best thing ever" and you always ask for more. I feel so proud and loved when you enjoy my cooking and I enjoy keeping you nourished for your long days at work.

8. You clean my minivan. I'm not sure how it gets so disgusting but it does! And you are always there with a big black trash bag to make it all go away. I get so excited every time my car is clean thanks to YOU!

9. You tolerate my music, my movies, and my shows. You may roll your eyes but you never complain that Wizards of Waverly Place and Vampire Diaries are super high up on the DVR priority list. That shows the confidence that only a real man possesses.

10. You turn to mush around our daughters. It's adorable. They RUN to daddy when you get home and you just fall over and accept the love tackle. And then you give Madeleine that cookie I've been telling her "no" to. You are an amazing father.

11. You love me unconditionally and you are incredible husband. You take your responsibility to lead us as a family closer to God very seriously. I know I can always count on you for everything. There are way too many things to love about you to put on a list, but I tried.

I love you!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Why you wish I was YOUR mommy

I've been in a really good mood lately. Maybe it's the return of the Vampire Diaries? Maybe the imminent start of post season baseball sans red sox? Maybe the turning of the leaves? Maybe the discovery of an IKEA less than an hour away? Whatever it is love is in the air in the Behr house and that love has inspired me to bake!

In the last week my baking addiction has been fed my lots of awesome new recipes and the organization that came with my new Ikea shelves (30 dollars!). I'll be putting up pictures of the donut maker soon but this is the story of my adventures in food in the last 24 hours.

First, to prove we don't just eat baked good and bon bons all day I took a picture of Kyle's favorite chicken. The recipe is secret. Mostly because I made it up and don't really follow a recipe when I make it. But it is YUMS.


Last night I made Sam Adam's Octoberfest Beer Bread. Here is a picture of a Sam Adams Octoberfest beer with it's love child, beer bread.

Here is a close up of the beer bread in a pretty serving dish. Kyle was very thrilled and so were his coworkers today. There was probably two times this amount when it first cam out of the oven but that all went in Kyle's belly. Allegedly he shared with his coworkers but I'm not sure I believe him.

When it comes to cookies, I'll be honest... I just usually follow the Nestle Toll House recipe. I ascribe to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" method of thinking when it comes to these delishious bits of heaven. I've NOMed on these my whole life and have never been disappointed. Notice the finger marks in the bowl. They are totally not because I at the cookie dough raw. I'm not currently in a sick good cookie dough food coma either.

In the oven. Almost done. I'm jonesing.

At laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast, my looooove has come along! I'm bad at making them into tiny little perfect circles of happy so I'm going to say that in honor of the feast day of Saint Michael the Arch Angel, I made this angelic sweetness into the shape of angel wings! See? Totally works.

The real test lies with the two year old. Even Juliette is waiting excitedly for the review.

The reviews are in! Mommy is awesome at cookies!

And Kyle is just really happy to be doing the dishes for SUCH an awesome wife. Actually, he had a very cranky face on in the first two shots but I coaxed a smile out of him. And I am submitting it as proof that he enjoys cleaning.


For those of you interested this is the super not so secret Love of the Lamb Beer Bread recipe. You'll want to kiss me.

Ingredients:

* 3 cups bread flour
* 3 tsp Baking powder
* 3/4 tsp Salt
* 3/4 tsp Baking soda
* 1/4 cup Sugar (or honey)
* 12 fl oz Beer; any kind
* 1/2 c Butter; melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease one 8 X 5 inch loaf pan. Line with a strip of wax paper and grease the paper. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. With an electric mixer, beat in the beer (or stir in with a wooden spoon, but not so much that you stir out all the bubbles and the bread won't rise!) Mix until smooth. Pour batter into the prepared loaf pan and top with melted butter. Bake for 45 to 50 minutes.


You. Are. Welcome.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Momma prayer time

Me- God... what do you want from my life?
God- Take care of my babies for me.

It's humbling to know that my babies are really God's. Incredible to think that he gave them to me to raise. Overwhelming to realize how important it is for me to raise them as saints. Beautiful to know that I am not doing it alone, that God has given me an incredibly holy husband to lead our family.

This weekend Madeleine genuflected and made her own little sign of the cross all on her own before she entered the pew before mass. Later she said her "thank you Jesus" prayers all on her own.

It may be small but I know that it was a great joy to God and to her mommy and daddy as well.

Thank you Jesus for your babies.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

It may be time to baby proof when...

These are the stairs at my parents house. They are steep and terrifying and do not have a baby gate.


This is my ten month old climbing the stairs. Easily. Fearlessly. On her first attempt.


These are my daughters at the top of the stairs together. Proud and happy.


...sigh....

There is a new craze sweeping the nation...

Mini treats.

Okay so those of you who know me real well know that I am a great cook and baker but I'm not really into cutesy. Basically, the way food looks is the last thing I am thinking about while I am in the kitchen. But these Babycakes mini treat cookers are just so darn cute.

I bought the mini donut one for twenty dollars at Kohls so that is what I will be working on this week. Why did I purchase that one? Donuts are the only mini treats I won't shove twelve of into my mouth at once and that Kyle and Madeleine are still in love with. So I look at it as win-win. They get to eat the adorable treats and I get to make them.

I'll review later this week. Expect pictures of smiles, honesty, and maybe even video of a sugar high toddler. Promises to be fun times. And if all goes well I'm getting the cake pop one too.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Before and After Kids- Part One

There are many things I never thought I would do before I had kids. Now that I have kids I like to look back and laugh at what a naive little thing I was. This is a series of before and after.

Before
"I will never call my kids perfect. I will acknowledge that they have faults and will not brag about how amazing they are to whoever I meet."

After

"My girls are perfect. Absolutely perfect. They are smart and pretty and sweet and loving and I'm pretty sure every other mother is jealous of my kids because they are so PERFECT. Here. Let me show you a picture of them and tell you a story of their poop to prove my point."

Before
"I will not give my children fast food. It is unhealthy and they deserve better."

After

"I know we have been grocery shopping for hours but we still have to hit Walmart and I am way to tired to cook anything. Here. Have some fries from McDonalds. That should keep us both happy"

Before
"They will not be sleeping in my bed. My bed is for sleeping and making babies. Not sleeping babies."

After

"It's three in the morning. Just bring them both in here. If I don't get sleep I will cry and die. Put Madeleine in the middle and just attach Juliette to her milk maid and we will all get some sleep together. Nice family bed."

Before
"They will not watch Elmo. Elmo annoys me."

After
"Elmo is a wonderful friend to us all. You should be Elmo for Halloween."

Before
"I will space all my children years apart. I wouldn't be able to handle my kids too close together."

After

"If it's only been three months than WHY do I have to beat my uterus into submission? Doesn't it know that my cycle hasn't even returned yet? Why are babies so addictingly cute and why is Juliette getting so darn big?"

Before
"My profile picture on facebook will be of me and not my children."

After
"I can't even remember the last time I had a picture of myself taken let alone put on facebook."

Before
"I will not talk about my child's bowl movements at dinner."

After

"Did you know I can tell which kid has pooped simply by the smell?"

Before
If my kids cry in a grocery store I will just leave. Abandon my cart and leave.

After
I have 100 dollars worth of groceries in this cart, no time to go back out, and nothing in the fridge at home. If anyone gives me a dirty look because of my child crying I will purposefully run over their toes, back up, and then do it again.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Things I wish I could say when

I'm really cranky today so this is the beginning to a long list of things I wish I could respond to people when they ask me really obnoxious questions.

Marriage


Why I got married so young?

Because we were "waiting" for marriage and didn't want to "wait" too long

Why didn't we just live together first?
Because statistically speaking, living together increases your chance of divorce by 50 percent and we didn't like those odds.

Do I feel like I am missing out on anything by being a young wife and mother?

What? Getting drunk and having no memories of doing it? Trotting along trying to find "the one" when along I had found him in college and had lost him because I decided it was too young to get married. No, if I had not gotten married I would have missed out on the love of my life and my two sweet girls. That would be way worse than any vacation, pay increase, or party.

Pregnancy

Were you trying?
Well, after watching a lot of CSI I have decided to categorize pregnancy in degrees, like how they categorize murders. After all, deciding to have another baby is kind of like stabbing mother earth in the chest.
Pregnancy is the first degree is one you've tried for. Pregnancy in the second degree is a result of an act of passion that was not previously planned upon. Pregnancy in the third degree is what happens when I'm just super duper fertile and I end up pregnant from just ironing Kyle's pants. I'll let you guess which degree the baby is.

You know what causes that, right?
Crap! I knew Kyle and I were hugging wrong.

Why don't you just use birth control?
Because not only is it against my faith but it's also against my ideas of self preservation. I really don't want to take anything that will increase my likelihood of cancer or whatever bad side effect would come from my using it. NFP is the green way of avoiding pregnancy.

How are you feeling?
Like crap. But I'm not going to complain because I know how many women would do anything to be pregnant. It would be an insult to them to do anything else except say "praise God" for anything pregnancy brings me.

You must be having a ..... because ........

Wrong. You are so wrong. It's a girl.

Can I touch your belly?
No. Now go bring me a sandwich.

You look huge! You must be due soon!

No. I have three months to go. Now run fast or I will use my gigantic belly as a weapon against you.

Are you sure there is just one baby in there?

You know what? I'm not even going to respond to that question. I'm just going to slap you.

Are you going naturally?

No. Because I feel no need to put myself through that for bragging rights. That may not be why you do it, but it is the only reason I could think of for me to do it. You do your own thing and more power to you if you do it without drugs. But I love my epidurals. And until my babies don't have perfect APGAR scores you have no right to judge how I give birth. I'll be well rested and glowing in my afterbirth pictures. I offered up sufferings for nine months. This day is going to be about pure joy instead.

After Birth

Are you done now?

It's up to God. But if you can get it in writing from him that I should only have two kids then I'll have a conversation with you about this. Until then, it's only a discussion between myself, my husband, and the Big Guy upstairs.... and sometimes my mother.

Are you going to go on birth control now?

No. Please stop asking. It's super uncomfortable to discuss this with people.

So... you are just staying at home.
Yup. I'm hoping that being home with my kids all day will make me reaaal dumb and out of touch with society so I eventually resent them. It can't possibly be that I enjoy being with my babies all day every day.

You don't want to end up with like SIX KIDS right?
Actually, that's exactly what I want. In fact, I'd be completely overjoyed with six. Or more. But I must be a crazy lady who thinks Adam and Eve rode around on dinosaurs or something to want that many kids.

You must get bored at home all day

I just laughed so hard I think I peed a little.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Vacation all we ever wanted

So this past weekend we got the chance to put all of my travel tips to the test as we jetted off to Steubenville, OH to see out foster mother (alma mater). I'm going to be honest... we are awesome at traveling. Even going standby, using my tips made us completely efficient and relaxed. Go us!

I mean, our travel savvy awesomeness means we schooled business men traveling alone when we went through security. We were scanned, baby food and all, with our shoes on before the guy four people ahead of us had even put his laptop back in his travel bag.



Kyle was in 7th heaven because his little miss mini me Madeleine was Ob.Sessed. with the planes. This was her first trip where she was really excited to be flying. The plane we were on had two seats on each side of the aisle (my nerd husband tells me it was an Embraer 190). Kyle and Madeleine sat together on one side and Juliette and I were across from them. Juliette slept the whole time and Kyle did a photo shoot with Madeleine. Since we were on JetBlue each seat had it's own TV and I was able to watch Criminal Minds and drool over Dr. Spencer Reid in peace.




When we arrived we got settled and heading to campus to pick up Hannah. Madeleine was freaking out. All week long I had been telling her we were taking a plane to go see Lauren and Nick and Hannah so as soon as we landed she started almost chanting, "Laun! Nick! Haaaaaan!". It was 9:00 pm but no matter! Hannah thought it would be an AWESOME idea to give her some of her mocha. This lead to my two year old running around the student center screaming, "MOOOOOOOOOCHA!!!!" at 9:30 at night.

We ran into some old friends and some people we had never met before who all ohhh and ahhhed over our children and then it was time to hit the hey.

Over the weekend we stayed with Lauren and Nick, the sickeningly cute newlyweds. Lauren is the resident homemaker and has turned her house in the Steubie projects into a master piece of Martha Stewart proportions. Madeleine is obsessed with Lauren and Nick but can't seem to tell them apart. We credit this to her obvious deep understanding that when they got married they became one person. She is a theological genius.



The weekend included a very fancy type date with my adoring husband at Casbah in Pittsburgh (thanks to Andrea for the treat and my sisters and brother-in-law for baby sitting), Lord's Day with Love of the Lamb, and watching Hannah dominate at tennis.

Now, for those of you who don't know Hannah and really all you know of her is that she has great hair and you only know that from reading my blog, she is an amazing tennis play. And has an introverted phlegmatic personality. Combine those two things and you get the most entertaining tennis match you will ever see.

I would hate to play against her because not only is she good but when she is beating you she doesn't even look like she is trying. Heck, she doesn't even look like she cares. You are running around and panting and she is checking her nails and YOU GET SERVED (tennis pun intended). I was a very proud big sister.

The last noteworthy part of the trip was our adventure into the Trinintine mass with our two little Behr cubs. It went surprisingly well. It was a beautiful mass and although I prefer Novus Ordo, it was nice to switch it up. The only hitch came not from the Latin but from the incense. It sticks to be a Catholic allergic to incense because not being able to breathe does not lend itself to a prayerful and peaceful spirit.

Since we've been back we've enjoyed some time with Kyle's household brothers in the New England area. Sunday we got off our plane at 8:00 pm and drove straight to the Johnson house where I won exactly half of the Apples to Apples games I took part in (okay, it was only two). Yesterday the boys did something involving beer and today we all went to see an old, old wooden ship. I think it's called Diversity? Then the boys came back to our place and ate and drank more beer.

One more day until Kyle goes back to work. I'm not looking forward to it but I've kind of gotten the kids used to having a home and eating food so I'm thinking we may need the money to keep that all up.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

New Haircuts all Around

Me with Madeleine... well... you can see her bangs at least

She is so cute I could eat her all up. Kyle is in the background and he got his hair cut too. But he does not want to take part in the photo shot.
Mwahahaha got you anyway!

Finally a nice shot.

Kisses from Madeleine and Momma Behr!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

9/11- 10 years later






I don't want to write about where I was or what I remember. That day is still far too painful. Today is the ten year anniversary of the terrorist attacks to September 11th, 2001. It was a day that changed me and changed my world forever. I've tried watching the footage but I have to turn it off. I don't need it anyway to remember. The images of that day are burned into my brain. Ten years later I remember every detail.

Today I am remembering the the victims, their families, the heros of the FDNY and NYPD, the military, the survivors, the flight crews and passengers, the politicians like George W Bush who encouraged us to stay strong and united as a country, and all the people who lost their sense of security that day. My husband works at Boston Logan where two of the flights departed from and I had a hard time letting him go to work today.

Life is fragile and I can't spend too much time today dwelling on that day because I have two beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband that need me to live in the present. Their innocence hasn't yet been tarnished and for them I need to focus on celebrating life and enjoying each moment I have with them. If that day proved anything to me it was that life is unpredictable. It also proved that people are capable of great evil and great good. The greatest good I can do today is to love my husband and children for all the people who lost their family and wish that they could be loving them right now as well.

The images above are from the gate that American Airlines flight 11 took off from. The flag is flown at half mast every year in tribute to those people who lost their lives. The flag remains there all year as a reminder as well.

The other image is of a memorial near the Catholic church in our town. There is a flag for each person who lost their life that day. It's overwhelming to behold.

Eternal rest grant unto them o Lord and may the souls of the faithfully departed by the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Beautiful day, beautiful girl



Taken by daddy during their play date. She is so happy whenever they are together

Friday, September 9, 2011

A Very Happy Day at the Park


We took advantage of the last days of nice weather and headed to the park today. When I was able to wrangle Madeleine off of the slide and the "big slide" (oh my was that scary, watching her climb), we headed to the swings for something baby could participate in too!


After a while Madeleine got board of swinging and wanted to "help swing Ju". Since she is Juliette's hero, this was a major success. Madeleine was pleased that she was able to help her baby and make her laugh and Juliette was overjoyed at all the attention her sister was showering on her. Madeleine would push the baby and say, "Weeeeeee!!!" as the swing took off and Juliette would laugh hysterically.


As you can tell by this picture, it was pure joy.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Matching pajamas and a big new couch







This has been a super fun day for my girls. We got a new couch this morning and so we've been snuggling on it all day long. They are wearing their matching "Daddy's girl" pajamas and they could not be cuter!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

My mom sent me this email months ago... I still LOL when I read it

Men Teaching Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Sun, May 29, 2011

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM .

Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down,
or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?

Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?
--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes
Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Warning... I'm writing about poop



To celebrate my new fancy template (yay minor computer skills) I uploaded a picture from facebook and figured out how to put it on this blog. I'm calling it a major win.

This picture was taken before the great poop debaucle of 2011. I guess I could have used all those wipes she destroyed. Somehow I managed to go through over two years of motherhood without getting poop all over my hands. I thought I was the most skilled diaper changer in the history of diaper changers. Then, yesterday, my record was broken in a huge way.

First Juliette's poop fell out of her diaper without my knowledge while I was changing her and she rolled over it. I went to pick her up and I touched it. OMG did I touch it. It was everywhere. ALL OVER MY HANDS. So I had one of those moments like in the actions movies when the hero is about to be attacked by about 20 different guys and the frame freezes while he figures out what to do... and then the action begins.

I yelled, "Madeleine! Wipes! Diaper!" and Madeleine ran off to find the wipes and a new diaper screaming, "Nanine! Wipes! Diaaaaper!" as she went. She found the wipes and I managed to get most of it off my hands. I wiped down Juliette's little body, ripped the fresh, clean new Bumgenius off her stinky butt and Madeleine handed me a new one. I put her on the floor, did the snaps, and sent her off crawling. I then grapped the Resolve and sprayed the crap out of the couch. (No pun intended). After all was cleaned up I promptly went and boiled my hands in bleach.

I was so proud of how well I handled it. That wasn't so bad. I am the master of baby poop. I was upgraded a level in the game of motherhood. Then, later that night, my new skills were put to the test in a big way.

Madeleine was standing next to me on her princess chair and I was feeding her sister. All of a sudden... I smelled something. At the same moment Madeleine handed me my cell phone. "Mommy. Phone poop." Now, I know phones don't poop but OMG did it smell. And, low and behold, my phone was covered in poop. Along with the phone, the princess chair, and my poor (apparently sick) two year old.

I yelled for Kyle to come out to the living room and put him on cleanup duty (or should I say, clean up doody). I held Madeleine at arms length and carried her to the bathroom and dumped her in the shower. I ripped off her Bumgenius, dumped it in the toilet, and hosed her down with the shower head. Madeleine thought the whole thing was absolutely hysterical and I could hear Kyle yelling from the other room, "OH MY GOSH WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!" It was like a crime scene. I poop crime scene.

And that was my day in poop.

So far today has been much better. Juliette cut her first tooth and boy are we relieved! She was a beast yesterday and with good reason. I can't imagine that teething is very much fun at all. Now that the tooth is through, however, she is one happy little girl! We celebrated by putting the girls in matching outfits (pictures to follow if I can find my camera charger) and taking them out to get matching winter pajamas. They were in desperate need. I bought her some of those puffs for babies that are designed to pretty much melt in a kid's mouth because she has teeth now and I'm sure she is going to want to use them

Tomorrow the new couch is coming and my sister Carly will be here this weekend. Then, Kyle's staycation/vacation starts Monday and we will have him home for NINE WHOLE DAYS! In that time we'll be visiting Franciscan so get ready Frannies! We be coming for y'all.

Check out my new tabs at the top of my page. They are much fun to be had.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

For the love of Kyle

My husband is currently doing the dishes and he agreed to go shopping for winter clothes for the girls tomorrow. What a man!

Friday, September 2, 2011

On quiet nights

It's been a long time since I mourned the loss of my first pregnancy. For some reason, tonight I am mourning. I wouldn't let myself since I have two beautiful babies now. I wouldn't have Madeleine if things didn't go the way they did. But my heart aches when I think of the baby we lost.

It's common, most people go through it. My mom went through it four times, all relatively late in the pregnancy. I lost my baby early on and I lost my fallopian tube too. Half of my fertility. People like to ask questions, make comments about how I can get pregnant with only one tube. They have no idea how scared I was before I had Madeleine. That I would never hold a baby of my own. I thought it would go away after I had Madeleine, that fear of not being able to get pregnant, but both times after I have given birth it comes back. What if it happens again?

It pushes me to get pregnant. It allows me to realize that our fertility is a gift and I should cherish it while I have it because I don't know what the future holds.

I am luckier than so many people. I have two beautiful daughters. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting more, like God hasn't blessed me enough. He has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined. I want more children because they fill our house with love and laughter. They make me a better person, they bring me closer to God.

I want more children for my daughters. I want them to have siblings, best friends, people they can count on in life to always be there no matter what. I want them to learn selflessness from loving their siblings so they can be prepared for their future vocations. I want them to learn that God first and then family are the priorities. Not money or cars or stuff. They can learn that from a house full of siblings.

I want more children because they strengthen my marriage. They bring my husband and I closer to the Lord and closer to each other. They fulfill the vows we said to each other. I want more children because of what they do to my husband. Because of the man they make him.

I want more children for God. More eternal souls to worship and adore Him. More people to be a light in a dark world. More people to love the poorest of the poor.

Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting more children when God has given me more than I ever imagined so it helps to remember why I am called to be a mother. In order to be a mother you can never be selfish. The vocation demands dying to yourself on a daily basis.

I am twenty-five and I have two children. I could, possibly, have three before I even turn twenty-seven. That makes people uncomfortable, even the best Catholics seem to ask me why. Worry about it being too much. God will never give me more than I can handle. If I have another child, it is because God knows me better than I know myself and He knows I can handle it. I pray that He blesses me with many more in His perfect timing.

For now my job is to enjoy my daughters, to love and teach them and to not focus too much on what the future may hold. Tonight everyone is asleep and so I'm going to quietly allow myself to mourn for the baby we lost for the first time in a long time. Then I'll probably sneak into the room where Madeleine and Juliette sleep just to look at them and remind myself why my sorrow has been turned into dancing.

Still, I am glad we have a little saint in heaven interceding for us. I remember praying to him right when I got pregnant with Madeleine so I know he is interceding before God for me and for our family. And I'll get to meet him someday. That fills me with joy as well.

Little David Behrend, pray for us.

7 Quick Takes- Volume Two

We've had a big week here at the Behr cave so I'm not sure how quick these quick takes will be... but here it is anyway.

1. I joined a gym! Even though I've lost the baby weight from both girls I still need to gather my strength for the next time (God willing! Whenever that may be...) The personal trainer asked me my goals for my workout routine. After first joking that my goal was to have Pippa's bottom (well, half joking really) I told him that I have a two year old and a nine month old and I want to be healthy in case I get pregnant again. Poor trainer thought I was joking. That's life with NFP, always preparing for next time.

2. I went to the dentist! Okay so this may not be big news to most people but I haven't been in like three years. So my teeth are super white and I'm even flossing. Go me!

3. The biggest news of the week by far... MADELEINE WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY! Oh, we had a celebration that involved affirmative words, clapping, waking up daddy, calling the relatives, and COOKIES! It was so fun that Madeleine has spent much of today just sitting on the toilet with a book hoping it will happen again. I am so proud of my little girl!

4. But it wasn't all fun and games on the potty this week. While I brought in the groceries this week the girls decided to use my distraction to their advantage. After the last trip back and forth I heard giggling coming from the bathroom. The girls were standing at the toilet, elbow deep in toilet water, splashing each other. The thing is, Juliette was the bad influence there. Madeleine would never DREAM of doing such a thing on her own but her mischievous little baby sister is just the type... ohhh Juliette my pet.

5. On Wednesday night I introduced Madeleine to Barney on DVD and Oh. My. Freaking. Goodness. was she impressed. She woke up the next morning yelling, "Moooooom! Watch Barn! Watch Barn!" And when I finally put a Barney DVD on the TV later that day she ran around the room SCREAMING, "OHHH GOSH BARN!!! YAY!!! OH GOSH OH GOSH BARN!!!" On the plus side I got a lot of cleaning done during that DVD. On the negative, the songs are stuck in my head and won't get out. Prayers are appreciated

6. Juliette had her nine month check up this week. She is 19 lbs, 3.5 oz, and 29 1/2 inches of dinosaur fun. Today the little monkey learned how to climb. She scaled her princess chair and attempted to get a cheerio off of the china cabinet that I had previously taken away from her. Tricksy, tricksy baby girl.

7. And today we got a NEW COUCH! It's a very early Christmas present but it is leather, has back support, and has never been peed on. So major upgrade from what we have now. It will be delivered next week.

Well, that's all this week. I hope you enjoyed my adventures as much as I did.