There is never any quiet... even when they are sleeping

Kyle talks in his sleep. Usually it's about work. He's asking me if the San Francisco flight left on time or if the passengers got their bags. One time he yelled at me to make sure the paperwork was completed and wouldn't let me sleep until I told him it had. And we have extensive conversations. I talk to him about my night, the girls, our plans for the next day. He responds, asks intelligent questions. I ask him several times if he is awake. He responds that he is. The next day he has no recollection of what we discussed.

Tonight, for example, I walked into the room where he had gone to bed an hour before me. As I was plugging in my phone he sits up, checks me out, and goes, "Niiiice." I ask him if he is sleeping and he laughs and responds, "Niiice." So I leave the room cracking up.

But he's passed along this trait to his darling daughter. Madeleine also talks in her sleep and it's almost always about food. Sometimes she says my name or asks for her monkey but usually, it's food. And I have to tell her, "Yes Madeleine. Choco cream (Chocolate Ice Cream)" And the greatest thing about all this is I have heard her in the monitor, run in thinking she is awake, tripping over her toys because I am so sleep deprived, and she's just sleep talking.

So far the only thing out of Juliette at night are more dinosaur noises but the other two make for some very interesting nights and some great stories. I can't wait til Kyle reads this in the morning.


This picture was taken almost six months ago. Maybe they had a conversation during their sleep. Someday I'd like to put Madeleine in the bed with daddy and just listen.

Power outages and other fun adventures

Tropical Storm Irene hit New England. I'll be honest, I wanted to smack every idiot with a status saying something along the lines of "Come on Irene" or "Bring it on Irene". Tropical storms are nothing to be messed with.

Driving around my parent's neighborhood proved that. There was a tree blocking the street going one direction, a tree on a power line blocking another way, and only one way out. And then once you got out of the neighborhood there were more and more trees sitting on power lines. Tropical storms are dangerous. There are tons of people with damaged homes, house fires, no power for at least a week, and then there are the idiots talking about how awesome it is. Those people are lacking a compassion gene.

I was in Connecticut during the storm to get help with the kiddos because Kyle was stuck at the airport all weekend. We lost power early Sunday and it will be out for days. I came back to Massachusetts this afternoon because Kyle was home and our power was back on, but I feel terrible for my parents. They are losing hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of food, their lawn is trashed, they can't flush their toilets, and they have to other people's houses to shower. Luckily, they are far better off than some people.

We spent the day playing card games in the glow of the flashlights (I dominated) and ate whatever was not in the fridge. Madeleine was horribly confused by the power outage and kept asking for the lights.

And Madeleine has started biting. She bit my arm while sitting on my lap and so I put her in time out. She finally said, "I sorry!" so I scooped her up, told her not to bite again, and hugged her. But we may have to play this daily from now on.



The next two days are Kyle's weekend and so we will be restocking our fridge... the one I just stocked last week. But in all honesty I am just so glad that our home is okay, we are okay, and all the people we love are as well. It could have been a lot worse.

And I am also thankful for the little things like potties that flush and showers that run. And the internet. And that the DVR didn't miss any episodes of CSI Miami. Amen.

Rain Suited Up

Well, the Behrend ladies are heading to Connecticut this weekend to wait out Irene. As in the storm, not the song or person. Kyle has to spend a couple of days at the airport doing damage control so he feels much safer if he knows it isn't just me, the babies, and a few flashlights.

I went out to pick up some disposable diapers to bring with me since it's not easy to use cloth with no power and "rain suited up". This meant my knee high rain boots, my water proof North Face jacket, and my rain hat. I looked adorable according the hubby but it was only drizzling at the time. I really wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

When I walked into Starbucks I got a few looks. I was the crazy girl who "rain suited up" way too early. They were all smug in their shorts and t-shirts and flip flops. Then I went into Rite Aid and by the time I got out five minutes later the sky had opened up and it was freaking pouring.

Guess who's smug now SUCKERS!

Well right now Kyle is bringing in the play house and the sand table and tying down the rocking chairs. Which really won't make too much of a difference when we get projectile pelted from all the crap on our neighbor's porch. But it really is adorable how concerned Kyle is about his girls and our little Behr cave.

I'm not looking forward to driving out to Connecticut in the rain but I am really looking forward to seeing my parents and my sister, Carly. They are heading back from dropping Hannah (the one with the awesome hair) off at Franciscan University and are really missing her. A baby Behr fix will make them feel so much better.

And if anyone is wondering, Hannah is doing very well. She made the tennis team and there are boys following her to and fro. So she is doing an excellent job of continuing the legacy. Get it girl! (And by "it" I mean your MRS degree)

That's about all I've got for today. I am praying hard for all of you who are also getting caught in the storm.

Why I love my girls

Things I love about each of my kids

Madeleine-

I love...

...that when she goes to sleep at night she has to have her stuffed monkey with her and if it isn't in her crib when I put her in she cries, "Mooooonkey! Moooonkey!" until I find it and then she lies down in her bed, spooning the monkey, and closes her eyes without a word.

...her deep love of washing her hand and brushing her teeth and generally making sure she is always clean.

...her obsession with all things Glee and how she can recognize a Glee song from other songs when it plays on I-Tunes.

...the fact that she loves the taste of coffee, lattes, and mochas. And that she know the right moment to grab a sip of my drink when she knows I am not looking.

...that if she wakes up before 10:00 she is a cranky little beast.

...that she loves wearing dresses and shopping for shoes.

...that when we go out she brings her purse and puts Bitty Baby in the Bitty Baby car
seat and insists on bringing her too. I mean, it's only fair since I get to bring Juliette.

...that she always, without fail, puts her shoes on the wrong feet.

...that the only signs of jealousy she shows towards her sister are copying her actions. You know, crawling, babbling, wanting to be fed baby food with a spoon. She's picked up on how cute I think it is when her sister does these things and Madeleine is not one to pass up on a way to get attention.

...that when I tell her daddy will be home soon she waits at the window for his car and when she sees him, insists on being let out the front door to run to him.

...how she loves to take care of her baby. She is the first to hear when Juliette wakes up from a nap, always makes sure she has a toy to play with, shushes her when she cries, informs me when she is making her poop noises, tells me to "boobie milk baby".

...how when she goes to bed before her sister she always makes sure to wave "Good bye night night" so her sister knows she is going.

...our prayer time together when she repeats the sign of the cross and says, "Amen".

...how she can't keep her eyes off the older boys at mass.

...that she would exist entirely off of yogurt if I let her.

...that she talks in her sleep, usually about food... last night it was fries.

...that she likes to copy whatever I do. Lately this involves letting me paint her nails, put her hair in a pony tail like mom, and pretend to put makeup on her. She loves me so much and I finally understand how imitation really is flattery.

...that she calls me "mom". It is not, nor has it ever been "momma" or "mommy". I am "mom".

...that when she got in trouble today she knew a sure fire way to get me to forget why I was scolding her was to plant a big kiss on my lips and say "I love". And she melted my heart. She has no idea how much I love her too.


Juliette-

I love...

...how in the blink of an eye she can take every wipe out of the case and shove them ALL in her mouth at once.

...how she can be happily playing but if she makes eye contact with me she will immediately start crawling towards me, crying and laughing at the same time, saying, "Momma! Momma!".

...how much she love to nurse and how she is starting to get that if she pulls on my shirt she can communicate exactly what she needs. And that she knows mommy is always here to feed her.

...how she makes dinosaur noises as she explores so that a simple activity such as crawling sounds like she is making war on the floor.

...how whenever the door to the nursery is open she will crawl in with purpose, head straight to the mirror, where she will spend about 15 minutes making out with her own reflection.

...how hilarious she thinks it is to put her fingers or toys in my mouth. It is a never ending source of entertainment for her

...her huge eyes and how the light up every time I walk into a room.

...how if she is playing and I am standing and don't see her at my feet, that she will headbutt me until I look down. When we finally make eye contact she smiles and lifts her arms in the air to be held.

...how much she loves her big sister. Madeleine had been down for a long nap and woke up groggy but Juliette screamed and squealed and laughed and pounced and grabbed at her until Madeleine was ready to play. Juliette loves playing with her sister and a three hour nap had been way too long to go without seeing her.

...how when daddy gets home from work she immediately crawls over to him with a HUGE smile on her face and won't let him out of her sight, even to go to the bathroom.

...how she likes to fall asleep at night lounging against me like I'm her personal lazy boy.

...the noises she makes when trying to fall asleep and trying to poo.

...that she inspires wonderful nicknames like "Pet", "Petasaurous Pet", and Dinosaur Baby. She is full of personality and so easy to love.

...how she used to sleep through the night but now wakes up to be nursed at around three or four and then seven every day and how even though I want to be groggy most nights all I can do is kiss her little head over and over while she nurses and tell her I love her because I am just so thankful that she is mine.



The are my precious babies. I am finding more and more things to love about them every day.

The Playroom

Can I just say how much I love having a playroom? Our old apartment was also a three bedroom and we put a kid in each room. Fools. They still both ended up in our room most nights and the living room looked like we had looted a Babies R Us and still hadn't found a place to pawn our stolen goods. And when we had guests over there was no place to them to stay except for said living room so they would have to push the things to the side of the room, put down the air mattress, and we would pray that no stray puzzle pieces would poke their wooden sides into the mattress causing it to slowly deflate and the guests to wake up on the floor.

That was when we even allowed guests in the house.

Now... we have a PLAYROOM! And it is messy! I try to get Madeleine to help me clean, and she does because she is a perfect angel and loves to please, but we usually find a book to read and end up snuggled on the couch. I have serious cleaning ADD (I'm pretty sure I stopped mid dishes to write this post) so it might take a bit before we get back to the task at hand. If at all. Because there is always something better to do. And to be honest, as long as the rest of the house is orderly I kind of like the playroom a bit messed up. It shows how much fun I have with my kids all day and saves them the trouble of leveling the room again the next morning so we can get down to playing right away.

But the really great things is that when people come over I can just shut the door and they don't have to know. Now, if said guest is staying overnight we have a futon that folds down because not having a crib in there means we have room for that. And there is usually almost nothing on the futon so we just go and swipe the toys onto the floor, lay out some blankets and pillows, and by golly, move over Hilton family. We make your hotels look like a hostel. And from someone who has travel Europe... that is NOT a compliment.

Tonight I snuggled up with Madeleine in the playroom reading the "I love" book while Juliette crawled, scooted, and growled her way from toy to toy looking for something dangerous to put in her mouth. Until she decided snuggling was way more fun than choking and decided to join us as well. It was a perfect evening.

The playroom is a complete and utter disaster but tonight I am just going to shut the door, finish the dishes, and maybe watch a little CSI NY. My kids are happy and so am I.

My excuse

I went grocery shopping yesterday with both babies. I'm used to it by now. Juliette sits in her infant car seat which goes inside the main part of the shopping cart. Madeleine is sitting in the seat. The food goes anywhere there is room. Occasionally one of my kids gets something in their hands which I don't notice and we end up shoplifting.

My favorite part of the shopping with kids experience is if one of them starts crying in the middle of the trip. Madeleine might throw a completely righteous temper tantrum if she sees something she wants and MEAN MOMMY tells her no. Juliette could decide that she wants to be held even though it is impossible to push a shopping cart full of things (and her sister) and carry her without dropping her. MEAN MOMMY. When those things happen I experience the, "Who are these kids and why are they calling me mommy" moment. It's like the old ladies and women with quiet children come to find you and they just follow you as you hurredly grab the last couple of items, shushing and comforting and pleading and bribing, before heading to check out.

Undoubtedly someone will tell me that I should just pick her up. Or that she is hungry. And I give them angry dagger laser eyes and try to explain calmly to them that I cannot pick up the baby and push the cart or I will drop her. And I cannot leave the cart because it has the toddler in it and all the food she has grown accustomed to eating. And I can't shop without them because my husband is at work and when he gets home I want to spend time with him. And she just ate before we came so that isn't the problem either but thanks for playing. But what I want to scream is, "OMG SHE WILL FREAKING LIVE I JUST NEED TO GRAB THE MILK AND GET OUT OF HERE WITHOUT YOUR JUDGEMENT". Because I haven't slept through the night in two and a half years and I am hormonal and cranky.

Well, yesterday wasn't much different. The toddler was happy because I was buying her cookies and a box of crackers with the characters from "Glee" on the cover. (I know, it's embarrassing that my kid knows and is sold by things with Glee on it but we have dance parties to the music so it's actually not as bad as it seems.) The baby was sleeping most of the time we were inside but woke up when I had only four items on my list left. And she woke up teething.

So I pushed the cart with one hand on the front, guiding it in a sort of zig zag pattern trying to not hit the displays and people and one hand inside her mouth. And when I took my finger out of her mouth and she was unable to chew on it, mommy makes the only exceptable teether, all hell would break loose. The last four items were on the same isle. Milk, creamer, bagels, butter. And there is this guy, probably 50, grocery shopping on his phone with his laptop open in the front. Making a business call. And I take my hand out of baby's mouth to grab the milk and SCREAMING and the guy shoots me a dirty look and says to the person he is on the phone with, "Sorry I can't hear you. There is someone here with an annoying, screaming baby." And let me tell you, I'm not proud, but after I got over my urge to scream profanities at him and pelt him with eggs... I lingered.

I lingered the crap out of that isle. I got all vindictive all up in Price Chopper and I lingered so that dirty look shooting lap topping man couldn't hear his precious phone call. (Five hours of sleep people. Please don't judge.) It was only when my maternal instincts got control of my hormones that I put my finger back in the baby's mouth and lopsidedly pushed the cart to checkout. But not before picking up one last item.

And that, Kyle, is why there are three things of Ben and Jerry's in our freezer. I'm really sorry. The hormones made me do it.

NFP in real life

I struggle a lot with Natural Family Planning. Mostly because if situations were perfect I would live in a perpetual state of getting pregnant and popping out babies. I'm not really big on the pregnant part but I am HUGE on the baby part. I get the baby itch soon after they are born (well so far) and then Kyle and I take time to discern and pray before having another.

Right now we are trying to avoid but we spend a lot of time fearing pregnancy. Not because of how we would handle it (I don't want to toot my own horn but I am totally a natural at this whole "being a mom" thing and could easily handle another) but because of what people might think. Sure, we have some friends that wonder why we aren't pregnant again already, God bless them, but we know that there would be many others, family, friends, random people in the grocery store, that would completely disapprove.

We are not avoiding because of them. We are avoiding because of finances and because of my health. As far as the first goes, soon enough Kyle will be an employee of Southwest Airlines, his pay will go up, and we will be able to afford another. I mean, we cloth diaper so that wouldn't cost anything. We nurse, so no money for food. If it's a girl we'd have all the clothes we need and with a boy he would get more spoiled that an heir to the throne in Britain so that's a non issue as well. We have car seats, strollers, and cribs as well. We would need very little. The big issues for us are hospital bills, time off of work, etc. I'd also really like to wait until we wouldn't have three in college at one time.

My health is the real issue. I've had major issues with both of my last two pregnancies (and the ectopic before that as well) and so I need to be stronger so I can be a good mommy to both my babies on the outside and the one on the inside. Last time I barely had the strength to get off the couch many days and I when I get pregnant again I would like to be able to be the mommy they have now, just rounder.

I don't buy into waiting because it's better for my first two girls. They are each other's best friends and another baby would only add to their joy. If I want alone time with any of my kids, Kyle gladly babysits so I can have that special mommy and me time. I don't care about fancy vacations and having all sorts of "me time". That could never bring my husband and I more joy than another baby. Even Kyle, who was terrified of kids at first cannot wait until we feel ready to add to our family. Right now we avoid and take each month to pray and discern. We believe that by using Natural Family Planning we are allowing God to be the true head of our family and know what is best for us. If we get pregnant we pray that the people we know will be excited and supportive because as I said before, pregnancy is hard enough for me.

When I think of having a third child I don't really worry about many of the things I think most people do. What I do worry about is what it would be like to wait too long, to have another ectopic pregnancy, to increase my chance of miscarriage, and to live with the regret of not having been open to all God could have given to my family through another child. I think of the names we have picked out for our future babies, of the moment when I first see the face that goes with that name and hold my child for the first time. I think of all God could do through that child and how that child could be a light in a world that could use a lot more light. Nothing else seems important after that